Blog: Glimmers in the Fog by Kim Stiver

Do You Really Believe People Can Change?

6/27/2018

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The expression, “You can’t teach an old dog new tricks,” is one of the oldest in modern English language, dating back to the early 1500s. Apparently the doubt about people’s ability to change is so universal, we have dozens of similar expressions across the world and throughout history, like “a leopard can’t change his spots” from the Bible, or “you can’t teach an old monkey how to pull a funny face” from France, or “an old parrot can’t learn to speak” from Spain.

Clearly, most people are more comfortable using animal references to make a joke about their assessment of a person than they are directly addressing the issue. It’s just easier to try and laugh it off than to ponder whether or not we truly believe that a person who frustrates us or has hurt us in the past can really “turn over a new leaf,” to use another common euphemism. (Sorry, I couldn’t resist!)

Many times, we find ourselves falling into one of two mental camps when it comes to the people in our lives, depending on how important they are to us. For some who irritate us or have offended us in the past, we may prefer to avoid thinking about them, their ability to change or not, and simply do our best to evade situations or discussions that may spark certain reactions or behaviors. For others, particularly those who mean the most to us, we can go to the other extreme and spend WAY too much time overanalyzing their words and actions. We constantly try to read between the lines of what they’re saying, or sometimes we don’t let them finish talking because we already think we know what they’re going to say.

Both mental camps are not only unhealthy for us, they are also not where God calls us to hang out.

Unfortunately, I have spent way too much time in both places throughout my life. I have gone out of my way to avoid someone who I don’t believe will ever change, and I have believed the worst about someone based on my own very inaccurate perceptions and erroneous assumptions. I have been known to interrupt someone when I think I know what they’re going to say based on their past behaviors. I have created all kinds of reasons in my mind why someone has or hasn’t done something, and I have assumed that someone doesn’t like me or is angry with me based only on a fleeting look. And all of these barely scratch the surface!

I share all of this so that you know this message is from someone who’s right there in the trenches of life with you. Loving people as God commands us to do so is hard, hard work. John 13:34 says, “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another.” And the fact that we are creatures of habit, often makes that calling even harder. We know our own propensity for bad habits and thoughts, so we make the erroneous assumption on a consistent basis that likewise someone else is acting out of habit or thinking the same way they always do.

In the classic book, Loving God With All Your Mind, Elizabeth George deals with the issue of not believing what other people say or doubting that people can — and do — change. In 1 Corinthians 13, she highlights two convicting principles when it comes to loving others by God’s definition. Verse 5 says love “keeps no record of wrongs” and verse 7 says it “always trusts.” Other translations say love “always believes.” Whenever we make assumptions about what another person says or does, we not only violate these principles of loving them as Jesus would, we stress ourselves out. In a sense, when we question what someone is saying, we are calling him or her a liar in our hearts. By not taking what they say as true and at face value, we are placing ourselves in a position of analysis and judgment, and trying to give ourselves a responsibility that only the Holy Spirit has. We cannot read people’s hearts, minds and motives — no matter how smart, intuitive, and experienced we are. And when we try to do that, we malign them, we cause ourselves emotional stress, and we erode the foundation of trust between us. Imagine how sincere our relationships would be and what good listeners we would become if we spent time truly hearing what another person says to us instead of automatically filtering their words and actions through past mistakes or behaviors.

Philippians 4:8 tells us to think about, or dwell on, only things that are true. That means things that we know are verifiable and clearly true. Not what we speculate. Not what we infer. Not what we imagine. And perhaps, most importantly, not dredging up what happened in the past and assuming that it the same as what’s happening right now. Paul further encourages us to press on in our effort to pursue the Gospel and specifically to forget the past (Philippians 3:12-14). In everything, we are to be forward-looking, believing that God is continually working in us, in others, and in our circumstances to make us new creations for His glory.

Now, I’m sure someone reading this is wondering about discernment. What about wisely protecting yourself from someone who’s repeatedly hurt you? What about someone who has deluded themselves and does say things that aren’t true? Are we supposed to listen to them?

This is where it is critical to understand the difference between Spirit-guided discernment and self-centered judgment. Life presents us with all kinds of complicated situations and relationships, and each of them needs to be approached by praying, studying scripture, and seeking wise counsel when needed. That being said, at the most fundamental level, we can boil the difference between judging others and Godly discernment down to a humble attitude and a loving approach. Martin Luther said that we should preach the Gospel to ourselves daily, in that we are all sinners in need of grace. If our motivations lie anywhere outside of complete humility and love, then we are in danger of judgment. When we have to say something difficult to someone based on what is true, we are not only called to treat them with the same kind of love Jesus did, but also model His humility in our approach. Sure, there are the rare occasions where it wouldn’t be healthy for you, or someone who’s hurt you, to continue a conversation or perhaps even continue the relationship. But God’s word gives explicit instructions in Matthew 18 on how to address conflict and move on in grace. (If you are particularly struggling with a conflict right now, here is ahelpful article that walks through the Biblical process with very practical application.)

For most of life’s daily interactions, however, it really is about acting on what we profess to believe. If we truly believe that God can change people, and if we want to love others like Jesus did, then our actions will reflect that belief. If we truly believe that the Holy Spirit is working in our lives and that our hearts are in His hands, then we can trust that He will take care of what we cannot see, what we do not know, and what people’s true motives are. We only have to yield to the Holy Spirit and let Him give us fresh ears, renewed eyes, and a gentle tongue with every conversation… with our spouses, our kids, our friends, our co-workers, our teammates, our neighbors… simply everyone. Loving others as Jesus did is like changing a leopard’s spots for a human being — it is impossible on our own. But loving others by letting God do the work through us is like teaching an old dog new tricks — it is possible with patience, consistency and repeated obedience.

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Why BelievE In A God You Can Comprehend

6/20/2018

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Only a mysterious God is one who can be worshipped.

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A call to leap off the cliff of self-reliance into the free fall of complete trust

God simply cannot be understood or completely explained by human beings. Perhaps this is an obvious statement to many, yet billions of people in the world — particularly intellectuals and those under 40 — are increasingly choosing to be atheists because they can’t prove or comprehend God or His ways. Just a little bit of research unearths countless articles and studies about the rise of atheism. Yet how do we explain to unbelievers why it is impossible to have a personal, deep, life-guiding faith in God unless you can delight in His mysterious nature and incomprehensible sovereignty?

Perhaps even more disheartening are the many prominent self-professing Christians who spend countless hours writing and speaking about the mysteries of the Bible as if they are only allegories, legends, and hyperbole, in order to make belief in God more comfortable and acceptable in our modern culture.

At the other end of the spectrum, many conservative Christians seem to do everything they can to avoid people with challenging questions, particularly those grounded in science and logic. And while God is indeed sovereign and we should have a child-like faith in terms of our trust in Him, we often hide behind those two truths in order to squash any signs of unbelief, doubts and contradictions from those who are struggling with the existence of God.

Put this all together, and you come down to one essential issue: atheists don’t want to believe in a God they can’t comprehend or prove, and many Christians across the spectrum aren’t offering anything relevant to them. So the question I have been asking myself is, do I have the courage to reflect the true incomprehensible God, without watering anything down or putting up walls to avoid being challenged on the hard questions, like suffering, evolution, and global inequities?

When I think of having great courage for Christ in today’s culture, one person keeps inspiring me, particularly because he stands up for what he believes on a daily basis in a secular, science-driven, politically-charged workplace. And most of us think that our working conditions are non-conducive to living out our faith! He is both an MD and a PhD in physical chemistry, which means he is brilliant. He was appointed to his role by a Democrat and he has survived under a Republican, which means God’s hand is upon him. His name is Francis S. Collins and he is currently the director of the National Institutes of Health. For a decade from 1993 to 2003, he headed up the National Human Genome Research Project, leading a team to completely map the entire language of our DNA. Francis is one of the world’s foremost geneticists and an evangelical Christian who is unafraid to address the hardest, most intellectual questions anyone can ask him. Although you may not agree with his personal convictions about Biblical theology on every detail, his unabashed declaration about the existence of a loving, involved God to the scientific, medical, political, and intellectual communities is nothing short of a miracle. Of course, Francis is quick to say that his influence is none of his doing, but a humble submission to God’s work in his life.

In an in-depth interview with NPR back in 2007, shortly before his bestselling book, The Language of God was released, he said that there is no reason to believe that faith has any less evidence than science. He goes on to explain that science is only valid for investigating nature, and that while he sees evidence of God’s existence in nature, God would not have any meaning if He were constrained or contained within the bounds of nature. In his DNA research and in his medical experience, he says he repeatedly saw proofs or “signposts” of God. The problem is, he said, is that many scientists and intellectuals reject faith because they believe it must be arrived at through emotion, versus clear thinking and logical evaluation. “But just because science hasn’t caught God in our microscopes, doesn’t mean there isn’t enough evidence to prove that He doesn’t exist … I actually do not believe that there are any collisions between what I believe as a Christian, and what I know and have learned about as a scientist. I think there's a broad perception that that's the case, and that's what scares many scientists away from a serious consideration of faith.”

The Bible tells us straight up that we cannot understand God, but that by believing despite our doubt, we will be made complete in Him and thus overcome our doubts. Ephesians 3:19 says, “May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God.” Renown theologian AW Tozer said that humankind was created to think with fully engaged minds in partnership with the Holy Spirit. Even the most scholarly of minds is incomplete until his or her spirit receives the breath of the Holy Spirit. “If I can understand God, then I cannot worship God. I will never get on my knees and say, ‘Holy, holy, holy’ to that which I can figure out.”

The Bible makes specific, and sometimes shocking, truth claims, and they are facts whether or not our personal experience or intellect confirms them to be so. Some of these truths are hard for even Christians to accept, so why are we shocked when non-believers, particularly those in the scholarly community or younger generations, reject them and pose smart, intelligent questions to us? We weren’t there when God spoke the stars into existence or hung the rainbow following the global flood. We can’t fathom the depths of love He has for us by giving up His own son so that we might live forever in fellowship with Him, no matter how sinful we’ve been or weak our faith has been. We cannot see the full span of history and infinity of the future and understand why things happen as they do. But His word and history have proven His truth and steadfast love over and over.

Francis came to Christ because his highly intellectual mind recognized the “signposts” of God through experiences in the scientific and medical fields. By the time he approached a neighborhood minister, he had developed a list of extremely challenging, if not polarizing, questions. Instead of getting defensive, evasive or downplaying them, the minister talked lovingly and openly with Francis and recommended that he ponder the words of another scholar who turned from atheism to belief — CS Lewis. Reading Mere Christianity was the beginning of Francis’ faith journey and now God has placed him in one of the most influential roles in our nation.

For those who follow Christ, Paul gives us a great example to follow when it comes to addressing the hard questions. In Acts 17:11-12, we read about a group of Jewish scholars who were exceptionally intellectual. “Now these Jews were nobler than those in Thessalonica; they received the word with all eagerness, examining the Scriptures daily to see if these things were so. Many of them therefore believed, with not a few Greek women of high standing as well as men.” Paul was not afraid to engage with them as they “examined the Scriptures daily” to test what he was saying. Later in that same chapter, we see Paul visiting Athens, where he encountered non-religious intellectuals steeped in the traditions of Socrates and Plato. Again, he was firm on Biblical truth, direct in addressing their questions and misguided conclusions, but very compassionate toward their need to understand the mysteries of the Christian faith. We read in verses 32-34 that some of them mocked him, but others were curious and became influential ambassadors of Jesus. I believe that none of them would’ve come to Christ if Paul had been too afraid or ashamed to speak the truth in love, even if it meant some ridicule. And you may be thinking, “You don’t understand — I am no Paul.” None of us are, but all believers have the same power inside of us that Paul did, capable of producing supernatural courage. If we’re willing to walk into a verbal challenge for Jesus, the Holy Spirit will come through for us with the words needed in the moment of action, and not beforehand.

Our calling is not to dismiss, argue, condemn, ignore or evade the ones who bring challenges, no matter how smart, stubborn, or misguided they may be. We are not called to change to their minds or convince them that the Bible is true, only the Holy Spirit can do that. Therefore, if it is not our responsibility to convert anyone, the pressure is off. We don’t have to assert our rightness, we just need to offer a loving, open, and responsive heart to receive, listen and answer as best we can. When we don’t know or don’t understand something ourselves, all we need to do is humbly say so and try to thoughtfully point the person to credible experts or resources they might appreciate. And, most importantly, we pray. Pray a lot. Pray to ready yourself before the encounters come and pray for the questioner after every conversation. God allows every person across your path for a reason. And it’s your job to just let Him shine through you. That’s it. The questions might be complex, but living out our love for Jesus is quite simple.
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How To Blossom In The Hard Places

6/13/2018

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It’s that time of year when everything is growing and blooming like crazy in Maine, so that means our yard is finally alive with resplendent color… and constantly coated with a thin film of yellow pollen. It somehow finds its way into every corner of my house, prompting my inner clean freak to wipe surfaces incessantly and creating the need for me to take an allergy pill daily. But just when I start to get really annoyed, I pass by the snow shovels in our garage and immediately adjust my attitude with the not-so-distant memory of long, dark icy days when nothing can survive in my yard.

Without that much-needed attitude adjustment, I doubt I would’ve even noticed the most remarkable thing in my yard. Early one morning this week, I was looking out my window and saw a determined purple iris growing right out of an area covered in gravel and rocks. Just feet away, there was soft, fertile earth beckoning, but that single iris was growing right where it was originally planted many, many years ago by the previous owner of our property. Because we’ve lived in this location for more than a decade, I was not only surprised by the perennial’s hardiness, but equally disappointed by my lack of attention to it before.

As I pondered the struggle the iris must face each year to rise up among stones and then blossom in unpleasant conditions, I couldn't help but think about the times in our lives when God plants us in places we don’t want to be in. He sees the hard, unforgiving stones and gravel as opportunities for growth, and we tend to see them as nothing but bad luck, adversity, and disappointment. He wants us to learn to depend more on Him and become a bright spot of color on an otherwise barren landscape. But we tend to focus on the lack of comfort and companionship, and beg the Master Gardener to plant us somewhere else… anywhere else.

When we enter a season of life that places us in unfamiliar terrain that is rough and demanding, we may feel the angled, painful edges of rocks around our hearts, minds or bodies. Sometimes we resist, wilt and give up. Sometimes our stubbornness kicks in and we try to push through even when we know we shouldn’t go in a certain direction. And other times we do what God calls us to do — to completely trust Him, even in the midst of extreme discomfort. This means persevering, praying and waiting on Him for strength, relief, or perhaps replanting somewhere else next spring. When this time of waiting and endurance happens, whether you are in that difficult place for an hour, a day, a month, a year or a decade, you will always come out of it having leaned into Jesus more deeply and more fully than you could have ever imagined.

Unfortunately, many believers never experience the kind of joy that flows from a heart that accepts God’s sovereignty to either place us in — or allow us to be taken to — a hard place. Sovereignty: now that’s a word you don’t hear every day. While most of us probably think of a monarch, like the Queen of England, the truth of the matter is that no king, president or dictator in history has ever possessed real sovereignty, which is defined as “supreme power and authority.” God tells us in Daniel 4:25 that, “The Most High is sovereign over the kingdoms of men and gives them to anyone he wishes.”

Wow. Think about that. That’s hard for you and me to swallow, isn’t it? What about cruel dictators or embarrassing world leaders? What about our personal pain, like cancer, a job loss, or a failing relationship? What about the dreams God has planted in our hearts that seem to take years to materialize? The trials of life and negative thoughts come at us from every angle and Satan will attempt to use every single one of them to make us doubt God’s sovereignty. That’s because the evil one knows that our belief and unwavering trust in God’s authority and power is crucial for our spiritual “success” in life.

Imagine being an early follower of Jesus in the years of hardship after His resurrection and ascension. The apostle Peter was crucified upside down for the cause of Christ. Paul was beaten, jailed, bitten by a snake, and suffered great personal affliction on an ongoing basis throughout his life. They, and the countless believers who suffered gracefully in the centuries that followed, all looked to Jesus as a role model for accepting and thriving under God’s sovereignty. When Jesus was enduring the beating, the ridicule, and agony of his trial and crucifixion, He laid His life down of His own accord in willing surrender to his Father’s sovereignty (John 10:18). We know from scripture that He had to be willing to surrender and play the position God had put Him in. Luke 22:42 tells us that Jesus earnestly pleaded with God about the difficult position He faced: “Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will but yours be done.”

Waiting, seasons of suffering, and learning to glorify God in the role He’s placed you in is an uncomfortable thing to ponder. If you’re in a season of comfort and rest right now, going back to a place of stone and striving is not something you want to think about. The subject of God’s sovereignty can also be unsettling and even divisive depending on who you’re talking with about it. Yet understanding it, accepting it, and trusting in this attribute of our Heavenly Father is one of the most important keys to finding true peace and joy in this life.

Most importantly, the very existence of God’s sovereignty means we are not in control. Acknowledgment of this fact, and the ramifications of it in our lives, is the most uncomfortable feeling of all. The majority of people spend a lifetime denying God’s sovereignty and struggling needlessly with the stony places. The more they resist being where God has placed them, attempt to control the situation, and try to change things on their own, the more hardness and bitterness take over. And before any of us think that denial is always obvious and overt, remember the last time you worried about something or coveted something… even a little thing. Anytime we allow the desire for something we don’t have, whether it’s a person, a feeling, a healing, an opportunity, or material possessions, to take up more of our thoughts, actions and time than our desire for God, then we are denying His sovereignty.

So the next time you’re upset about something that seems unfair, wrong, unbearable and utterly insurmountable, remember that while you may not understand it, God is sovereign and His knowledge, foresight and complete love for us far surpasses anything that our very, very small minds can fathom. Romans 8:28 says, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.”

When you stop fighting the place where He’s planted you and you learn to depend on Him for every nutrient of life, you will blossom in the hard places, bringing the fragrance of hope and the color of God’s glory to the many struggling around you. When we root ourselves in love, we will then emanate that love to others, no matter where we’re planted (Ephesians 3:17-19).

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You May Wander, But You Can Never Be Lost

6/6/2018

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What goes through your mind in the first few seconds after you realize that you’ve lost your keys or misplaced your smartphone? In the moment of losing something valuable, we can find ourselves losing our minds trying to think of where we left it, retracing our steps, or calling everyone in our address book inquiring about the lost item (if you didn’t lose your phone, that is). Your mind may even be flooded with questions and doomsday scenarios, depending on what you’ve misplaced. Even if it’s something we can replace fairly easily, we can so quickly fall prey to losing track of time and wasting hours searching for it.

Most of us also know that feeling of panic followed by frantic, sometimes irrational, searching. When I think I’ve lost something critical, like my wallet or my iPhone, I instantly turn into this comic book version of myself. Without stopping to think rationally or calmly, I start uncontrollably searching through my handbag, eventually getting to the point of dumping it all out into one big mess on the car seat or kitchen table. It’s truly an overblown, automatic frenzy. And one that makes me feel completely silly, and sometimes embarrassed if someone else is watching me, especially when I find the missing item in the pocket of a jacket or somewhere else I intentionally left it.

As you think about that feeling of losing something important, imagine magnifying the intensity of it a hundredfold… maybe even a thousandfold. At that scale, it would be an obsession that no human being could possibly manage, control or contain. If any of us remotely imagine that intensity, it would still give us just a glimpse of how much God longs for us to be close to Him, minus all the human weaknesses of panic, irrationality, and disorder.

This past Sunday, I was listening to our pastor’s sermon on the healing of the blind man in John 9, and though I have read the story many times, one particular verse jumped out at me with fresh meaning. The first part of verse 35 says, “Jesus heard that they had thrown him out, and went and found him.” Jesus went and found him. I just couldn’t stop thinking about the intentionality of Jesus’ actions. He had healed this man who had been born blind, but He was not content to leave it there.

The poor guy had been through the ringer since he had received his sight. Instead of celebrating with him, most of his family, friends, and community inundated him with accusatory questions. Verse 13 says, “They brought him” to the local synagogue for the religious leaders to inspect him and make sense of his story. That means that they forcibly dragged him there or tied him up for transport. I cannot even fathom the shock and betrayal he must’ve felt when he discovered that everyone he’d known since birth would rather him remain a blind, suffering beggar than to be given such an amazing gift. Verses 18-22 even tell us that his own parents refused to come to his defense because they were afraid of the power of the religious leaders. They gave up their son for the sake of their own comfort and community standing.

But Jesus wasn’t going to leave him there. He went and found him. With all the demands of His ministry and despite the massive throngs of people who were inundating Him, Jesus took a break and intentionally searched for one lonely outcast. This young man had been touched by the Almighty and there was no way Jesus was going to let the cruelty of others and the difficult circumstances swallow up the miracle. As I contemplated the difficult situation this young man faced, God planted three specific reasons in my mind as to why Jesus went looking for him.

First, God’s glory will never be hidden, and that’s exactly what the religious leaders were trying to do. By expelling the young man and casting seemingly authoritative doubt on the veracity of his claims, they were going to do everything they could to ruin his life, hide the evidence, strike fear in the hearts of the witnesses, and put an end to Jesus’ allure. When God does a miracle, the glory belongs to Him and Jesus wasn’t about to let the pious naysayers destroy the life of an innocent recipient and steal all the glory for themselves.

Second, I believe Jesus was going to complete the work He started. Yes, the man’s eyesight had been restored, but the more important healing was not complete. After spending most of his life in utter hardship and neglect, he needed emotional, mental and spiritual healing. And now that his family and neighbors had disowned him, he had no support network and no hope of creating a new life for himself. By seeking him out for a personal relationship, Jesus escorted him into a new community and a made him a new creation outfitted to thrive in a new calling. Once God’s light begins to shine in someone, Jesus always sees to it that the work is completed (Philippians 1:6).

Third, Jesus wanted to give him a new identity. Jesus went to invite the young man to complete the adoption process in becoming a child of God. When Jesus located him, He asked him if he believed in the Son of Man, which is what the Jews referred to as the Messiah. Although the previously blind man could now see, he had not recognized who Jesus was, up until this point. I can picture Jesus putting his hands on the guy’s shoulders, looking into his newly healthy eyes, and gently saying the words we find in scripture: “You have seen Him, and it is He who is speaking to you.” Probably falling to his knees in both gratitude and awe, his spiritual eyes were opened. We read in verse 38: “He said, ‘Lord, I believe,’ and he worshipped Him.”
All this week I have been struggling to put into words the renewed sense of awe I have for the fact that the King of the universe personally searches for the lowliest in His kingdom. That the One who is highest above all would come to get us in the deepest slimy pits. That our Heavenly Father pursues us to the ends of the earth to complete His work in us. It humbles me and reminds me that we shouldn’t spend so much time thinking about ourselves, because God thinks about us all the time. We were written on His heart since before we were born and will be on His mind forever into eternity.

In terms of Biblical real estate, stories of God’s pursuit of us takes up so many chapters. Of course, the entire book is His love story to draw us closer to Him. But just in case we could miss that fact, He calls out specific stories and makes huge promises to get our attention. As if John 9 wasn’t enough, we find another whole chapter — Luke 15 — which tells us in three different parables how passionate God is about pursuing us. We are like the one sheep that goes astray, and He will leave the others to bring us back. We are like the lost coin that a woman searches every nook and cranny to find. We are the prodigal son of a Father who continually searches the horizon for our return.

All other religions require that their followers search for divinity and earn their way to some kind of heaven, redemption, or nirvana. But our God comes for us every time. 2 Chronicles 16:9 says God looks throughout the earth to strengthen those who are committed to Him. Luke 19:10 says that the Son of Man came to seek and save the lost. There’s no doubt that Jesus was seeking the Samaritan woman at the well (another case of a social outcast considered undesirable by the religious leaders) in John 4. Jesus said to her, “But the hour is coming, and is now here, when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth, for the Father is seeking such people to worship him.” And that is exactly what He did when He sought out the healed blind man. When Jesus found him and gave him his spiritual sight, he immediately worshipped in spirit and truth. May that be our response as well.

Jesus always comes for His own. Like the lost coin, a single precious soul might be forgotten by the world, hidden or lonely in the nooks and crannies of suffering and isolation, but the One who came to seek and to save will not rest until His child is found.

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Glimmers in the Fog

Do You Really Believe People Can Change?

Why BelievE In A God You Can Comprehend

How To Blossom In The Hard Places

You May Wander, But You Can Never Be Lost

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