This is part one of a three-part series for Advent.

Quite a few years ago, I went on a trip to visit a long-time friend of mine who has what many people call the “It” factor. Having first met her in the business world, I had always known she could’ve charmed even Ebenezer Scrooge given the opportunity, but when she took me to the airport I experienced the effect of her magnetic presence in a way that took even me by surprise.

Being the gracious host she was, she insisted on waiting in the check-in line with me rather than just dropping me off at the curb. My departure time was early in the morning, so she had on sweats and was wearing no makeup at all. I tell you this because it’s important. As we stood there chatting in line two guys near us joined our conversation. Before I knew it, they were offering both of us some of their points to upgrade to first class. They were corporate road warriors and had so many points they could never hope to use them all. My friend smiled, thanked them, and then informed them that she wasn’t traveling today. I smiled at them and shrugged. Rather than confirming that their interest solely lied in meeting her, they awkwardly followed through on their offer and conferred the necessary points to me anyway. Once my friend left me at security, they didn’t say another word to me the rest of the trip.

Now I bet you’re thinking that she must be gorgeous. Then prepare yourself to be as baffled as I was with the strength of her “It” factor. Her charming appeal to virtually everyone she encounters — men, women, kids, pets (I’m not kidding!) — doesn’t really have to do with any single, specific characteristic. After much pondering about the airport incident, I’ve come to the conclusion that the “it” of my friend’s seemingly universal appeal is the magical combination of what she possesses — not a standalone trait or capability. She has just enough physical appeal to elicit a pleasurable reaction when you see her. But she is not so beautiful that anyone would feel intimidated or jealous. She’s been successful enough to wear trendy sweats to the airport that look like they came from the Athleta catalog and not the Walmart bargain bin. And she is a fantastic listener with a sparkling wit. Oh, and did I mention that she’s a savvy entrepreneur?
If I stopped there with my description of her, you might conclude that she sounds perfect and too good to be true. But here is what I came to realize. It is her flaws and weakness, and how she’s handled them, that really gives her that special spark. The hard experiences of her life have shaped her in a way that others are drawn to her like moths to a flame. I know enough about what she’s been through, how hard she’s had to work, the rejections she’s been dealt, the heartbreaks she’s endured, and the disappointments she’s experienced, to realize that hardship has tenderized a person who would otherwise likely be perceived as arrogant, intimidating, and unapproachable. In a word, my friend’s combination of incredible qualities is powerful because of the most important trait of all — humility. To embody all that she does with humility makes her simply enchanting.

During the Advent season, many people have only a superficial understanding of one of the most pivotal characters in the Christmas story — Mary. In the centuries and millennia that passed after the birth of Jesus, she has been elevated and revered to the point where most people forget, or never realize, who she really was. We often overlook her humanity. And it is such a mistake, because like my friend, it is Mary’s weaknesses, including the dire circumstances into which she was born, that truly make her story remarkable and a lesson for us all.

We certainly don’t know if Mary had the “It” factor, but it is highly unlikely since not many of the Biblical heroes God raised up and used for His glory had it either. In fact, many of them were not respected, accepted, or even noticed. Mary wasn’t some superhuman with angelic powers (or a halo). She probably wasn’t the most beautiful girl in town, and she certainly didn’t come from a wealthy family. She was betrothed to a common carpenter and lived in a place with a bad reputation. And in that time period and culture, women were not offered any formal education. Any knowledge or skills they gleaned would be only through the instruction of their parents.

But Mary had the most important ingredient for God to use her to usher in the greatest event in human history — humility. Like yeast added to dough, humility is the ingredient that triggers spiritual greatness for God’s glory. All the raw ingredients can be inside a person, but without humility, even the best combination of traits will fall short of God’s plan.

We can glean the greatest insight into Mary’s true nature in her exchange with the angel and subsequent reaction in Luke 1:26-56. Due to the length of the passage, I won’t include it here, but I encourage you to stop and ask God to open your heart as you read it. Keep in mind that the news the angel gave Mary was practically a death sentence. In that era, a woman becoming pregnant outside of marriage could cause the Jewish leaders to stone her. Put yourself in her shoes and imagine an angel telling you that God has favored you, and as a result, something will soon happen to you that normally would mean death. Yet Mary’s reaction in verse 38 was, “Behold, I am the servant of the Lord; let it be to me according to your word.” She was humble enough to care more for God’s desires than her own, and that level of humility always triggers something else remarkable — an unwavering, odds-defying sense of trust. She was humble enough to believe that God would do what He said He would do and that she didn’t need to worry about her circumstances or try to control the situation by concealing the coming miracle. She was not ashamed of what was likely to be perceived as the most shameful thing that could happen to her. The approval of her Heavenly Father was more important than the approval of her parents because Mary found her self-worth and identity in God, not in her own capabilities. The angel had told her in verse 37, “For nothing will be impossible with God,” and she simply believed it.

After visiting her cousin Elizabeth, who was also miraculously pregnant with John the Baptist, Mary was overwhelmed with wonderment for God’s love, presence, and unfolding plan. The rest of the passage contains her joyful song of thanksgiving back to God. Just as Mary was preparing her heart for the coming Christ child, her response is the perfect model for us to prepare in the same way this Christmas season. In just 10 verses, Mary’s words outline the beautiful outcome of a humbled heart submitted to God’s glorious power. In her description, we witness the incredible splendor of what God can do with a life joyfully yielded to Him.

Finding the time to be still with God during this time of year is difficult. But if you want to encounter God in fresh ways during the holidays, I invite you to carve out a few moments to sit at the manger in Bethlehem. If you can’t do it now, try the following in your next quiet time with God.

Envision that rough bed of straw on the cold cave floor. Try to feel the scratchiness as it pokes through the fabric of your clothes, reminding you of the real bed you can’t afford. Imagine the place not only where the Christ child laid His head, but also where Mary’s surrender to God brought forth the salvation of the world. What the angel foretold was rife with difficulty from beginning to end. Now read Mary’s response to God in Luke and then listen to her ballad brought to life by Todd Agnew and Christy Nockels in this beautiful rendition of the song Magnificat. (Listen on YouTube or Spotify for free) The words are almost verbatim from Scripture. As you sit there on the scratchy hay and adore the One who came to give you life forever, sing it back to Him in your heart. Make Mary’s words your own and mean them. Then wait in the stillness for your Savior to come.

Not unlike the rough, inhospitable hay, our hearts were destined to contain a King. We may not have the “It” factor, nor the money for a warm bed in a fancy inn, but if we have humility, our Savior will show up and do exactly as the angel said. The impossible will become possible as He uses us for His glory and changes the world again and again.

For Further Reflection
For those of you who use these weekly posts as devotional content, here are three reflection questions.

• How do Mary’s response to the angel and her song back to God speak into your life? Does it bring comfort? Joy? Conviction? Wonderment?
• In the full passage from Luke, which verse jumped out at you the most? What do you think God is trying to tell you through this verse? How could it change your perspective or priorities this advent season?
• In what ways do you think God is challenging you to release pride, surrender your plans, or trust in Him more?

Consider writing your answers down in a notebook or journal so that you can capture your experiences with God. Recording your prayers, praises, and progress is not only an effective way of preventing spiritual drift and capturing deeper meaning, but it will also encourage you during hard times.

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As the last of the autumn leaves fall and Thanksgiving fast approaches I start thinking about Christmas movies. There is about a dozen I watch almost every year without fail. Just as holiday music warms up the chilly days, I can’t imagine December evenings without these timeless stories. As I pondered which one I would watch first after Thanksgiving, I realized they all seemed to have a common theme, and it wasn’t what I expected. It wasn’t believing in magic or miracles, finding true love, having a cheerful spirit, or even learning to be kind to others. All of those important reminders are present in many of the movies, but one truth spoke loudly and clearly above all else — a transformative surge of thankfulness always precedes an explosion of Christmas joy.

Regardless of the genre — from musicals to comedies — or the era in which the movie was produced, the main character’s problem is always solved once he or she comes to an intensely humbling realization of gratitude. Just take a look at these famous storylines:

• The Grinch hates the inhabitants of Whoville, their noisy traditions, and their festive spirits. But when the entire village bursts into a joyous celebration fueled by an infectious gratitude for each other despite losing everything else, the Grinch’s cold attitude is melted forever and he is flooded by thankfulness himself.
• George Bailey has had a hard life. He gave up his dreams to sacrifice for everyone else and now he’s having a pity party. When an angel gives him a glimpse of what the world would be like without him, George is overwhelmed with gratitude for the life he’s been given, his friends, and his family.
• Ebenezer Scrooge is a self-centered, bitter, and greedy businessman. When three ghosts show him that his life has no life in it at all, he is brought to his knees with appreciation and begins living abundantly by serving others.
• When eight-year-old Kevin has had enough of his large family and being picked on, he wishes that they would all go away and leave him alone. He gets his wish, but in the process learns to be thankful for his big, imperfect family after all.
• Clark Griswold just wants a pool in the backyard. But when his boss destroys his dreams by withholding Clark's Christmas bonus, desperation pushes him to the brink of stupidity. On the verge of losing everything he thought mattered most, Clark is overcome with gratitude when he realizes all the blessings that truly matter.

Discovering gratitude is the key that unlocks the door to joy because of what is required by its transformative work. Being truly thankful for something or someone requires the humility to acknowledge that we don’t deserve the amazing blessing of whatever it is. Genuine thankfulness also requires self-forgetfulness. We cannot fully appreciate a blessing without letting go of our own self-interest and self-absorption. As long as we are more interested in ourselves, our personal welfare, and our own problems, we will never be able to even see the blessings that flood our lives every second of the day.

Authentic, deeply felt gratitude also requires vulnerability and meaningful connection. And while these factors are closely related to self-centeredness, they often elude us because of pride. No one likes to appear weak, needy, or less than perfect, so our pride prevents us from seeing the value in being vulnerable with the people who love us the most. Sometimes it even prevents us from forming relationships at all. We don’t want to risk getting hurt or rejected, so we don’t reach out or take the time to have a conversation with a stranger. And to numb the gaping void in our hearts, we tell ourselves that we don’t need someone or that they don’t care about us anyway.

Sure, movies are generally unrealistic and our inner cynics might be tempted to utter, “Bah-humbug,” under the weight of holiday chores, pushy crowds of shoppers, commercialism, and whatever other problems are going on in our lives. But the fact that gratitude paves the way to joy is undeniable, and I believe God specifically designed it that way. While the plot lines I mentioned don’t lead any of the characters to God directly, they all point to truth. They all pave a path in the heart to be humbled, thankful, and more open to receiving the ultimate gift at Christmastime — the Christ child. Having a spirit of thankfulness is a prerequisite for realizing that we all need the gift of Jesus. Gratitude generates warmth, pliability, and tenderness. Without it, a heart can grow colder and more cynical with each passing year of trials, rejection, and disappointments. Eventually, it can become as frigid and impenetrable as an icy windowpane, forever seeing life through a cold lens of hopelessness, bitterness, isolation, and no longer able to warm to the touch of another or feel the movement of the Spirit.

The sense of urgency that infuses most Christmas stories makes their storylines even more powerful. The main character needs to be saved by gratitude, a.k.a. the Christmas spirit, before it’s too late. Time and time again, a rush of gratitude at the last moment pulls him or her from the brink of disaster and reveals a new way forward. As believers in Jesus, the holiday season presents us with that same urgent reminder. And Thanksgiving is the first step in tenderizing the heart for the days ahead and announcing to the world that the clock has begun ticking down toward the greatest gift we will ever receive. If Thanksgiving were a person, I think it would be John the Baptist. He would stand on the doorsteps of our hearts and proclaim at the top of his lungs, “Prepare the way for the Lord, make straight paths for Him.” (Matthew 3:1-11) In other words, “Take the time to prepare your hearts for Jesus. Start right now by being thankful for the abundant blessings of God that flood your life on a daily basis. Open your eyes to see God’s goodness so that you will be able to see the Truth when He arrives.”

Randy Alcorn says in his book God’s Promises of Happiness, “God isn’t just in life’s monumental moments. He’s present in raindrops, in the artistry of spiderwebs, the sound of an acoustic guitar… a child’s laugh … a dog’s wagging tail… If we disregard these and thousands of other gifts, we don’t just fail to notice them, we fail to notice God.”

As Bing Crosby so famously crooned in White Christmas,
“When I'm worried and I can't sleep
I count my blessings instead of sheep
And I fall asleep counting my blessings.
When my bankroll is getting small
I think of when I had none at all
And I fall asleep counting my blessings.”

It’s as timely of a reminder today as it was when the movie debuted in 1954 — no matter what the holiday season brings this year or what state you find yourself in, your heart will find joy and peace in the act of being thankful. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 says, “Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.” Philippians 4:6 also makes it clear that thanksgiving to God precedes the gift of peace. Everyone talks about peace during the holidays, but few people practice what is needed to truly experience it.

Memorializing Thanksgiving Day by expressing gratitude to those sitting around the table is common, and formally thanking God before diving into the endless food is generally accepted even in families that don’t regularly pray together. But this holiday is capable of being so much more than a fleeting moment of appreciation or a ritualistic prayer. It offers us a spiritual doorway to the Advent season, not so unlike the magical portal in the movie The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe. It beckons us to warm our cynical minds and weary souls by the fire of gratitude and make our hearts a ready home for the coming King.

Wishing you and yours a beautiful and soul-stirring Thanksgiving!
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If you could print out and read a transcript of your thoughts for the last 24 hours, you may be shocked at what you would discover. According to the prevailing research, you would see that anywhere from 47 to 80 percent of your waking moments were spent thinking about something other than what you were doing at any given time. And just what were you likely thinking about most of that time? Answer: something that occurred in the past or might happen in the future.

When I heard these statistics, I wasn’t surprised to learn that my mind wanders while doing routine tasks. After all, who doesn’t daydream while doing the dishes or taking a shower? What was most shocking was the realization that my mental wandering, like most people’s, was largely focused on matters that aren’t real or valuable. Even worse, our minds are often focused elsewhere even when we are doing non-routine tasks, like working or having dinner with friends.

Other than the obvious downsides, such as not fully applying ourselves to the task at hand or really enjoying the moment, constantly thinking about something in the past or future has far more dangerous consequences. That’s because our recall of past events is highly distorted and our thoughts concerning the future are usually worry-driven. A 2012 study from Northwestern University was the first to demonstrate that memory is like the telephone game — each time an event is recalled it becomes altered in some way. And eventually, it’s nothing like the original.

Our speculation about the future is even worse. A study in the journal Clinical Psychology & Psychotherapy concluded that 97 percent of what we worry about either won’t occur (85 percent) or is something that we’ll be able to handle and even learn from (the remaining 12 percent). One HuffPost contributor summed it up this way, “This means that 97 percent of what you worry over is not much more than a fearful mind punishing you with exaggerations and misperceptions.” What’s more, just the activity of worrying causes physical harm to our bodies. So, if even something bad IS going to happen, fretting over it will only make it worse 100 percent of the time.

But this post isn’t about living in the past or dwelling on tomorrow specifically — it’s more about the concept of being present in the moment and focusing on what God has appointed you to do at any given time of the day. So, if you’re one of those who people who think about solving a work problem or dreams about your upcoming vacation while you should be actively listening during a conversation with someone else, then you’re getting roped into this topic as well.

Jesus was all about being present and fully engaged with every task and every person He encountered — for one purpose only. He was here to accomplish His father’s business, and He let nothing — not even His own mind — distract Him from doing the work at hand for the glory of His Father. When Jesus was just 12 years old Luke 2:49 tells us that He already understood His purpose. After his parents found him interacting with scholars in the temple, He said to them, “Why did you seek Me? Did you not know that I must be about My Father’s business?”

I know, I know, you’re probably having the same reaction as me — this is Jesus we’re talking about and I don’t even come close to having a ninja mind. I so get it. Focusing on the person in front of me is hard, especially when they’re babbling on and on or whining about the same thing all the time. Keeping my mind from worrying about everything, from my health to work projects, is a battle. And dwelling on past hurts or wanting to relive the good times is always a lingering pest. But as God’s workmanship, He wants to refine us more every day to be like His Son, which means we should be getting better and better — albeit ever so slightly, perhaps — at focusing on His purposes one day at a time.

Jesus knew that our minds would struggle to experience life on a moment by moment basis, trusting both our past and our future to God’s care and direction. To the future trippers out there, Jesus says in Matthew 6:34, “Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.” For the past dwellers, we read in Isaiah 43:18-19, “Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.” And for anyone who struggles with being fully immersed in God’s purpose and staying focused on the people and tasks He puts in front of us, we read this amazing verse combination. “Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand.” (Proverbs 19:21) “Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ.” (Colossians 3:23-24)

Of course, these mind-mastering commands from the Bible are extremely difficult to implement, and we can be tempted to just throw our hands up and give in to distracting thoughts. But like any discipline or exercise, the key is to take it one step at a time. The mind is like a muscle, and its plasticity is reshaped and improved gradually by repeated practice, not a sweeping instant transformation. Each step teaches us to lean on the power of the Holy Spirit for the next step. Hebrews 12:11 says, “For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.” In other words, the process of learning how to be focused in each moment on the persons and tasks God has given you is a lot of hard, uncomfortable work, but if you stick with it, over time your increasing discipline will result in a harvest of blessings.

Habits like dwelling on old losses, not really listening to people when they talk, and giving into worrisome, speculative, or negative thoughts took many years to form in our brains. But the Holy Spirit is ready to do some mental rewiring in your life if you’re willing to practice. Like young Timothy, Paul tells us in 1 Timothy 4:15, “Practice these things, immerse yourself in them, so that all may see your progress.” Paul didn’t mean that Timothy should do it so that people will shower him with compliments, but rather to show the glorious transformation of what God can do when He’s allowed to freely work in His child’s life.

Paying close attention and being fully immersed in whoever or whatever God places in your path on a daily basis isn’t always pleasant. In a world where it seems as though everyone is suffering from FOMO (fear of missing out), slowing down and focusing on the moment and the people you’re with can seem impossible to do. But remember that God is timeless. He operates outside of time. He created time itself. And while we are bound within it, He moves without any of its constraints. So when scripture tells us that He has a plan and a purpose for everything under heaven, we need to suspend our flawed human perspective and grasp of the universe, to believe that in our everyday, ordinary lives the King of the Universe is working for us, not against us… regardless of our timing. And if He can give us His miraculous attention, then the least we can do is be patient and trusting enough to let Him finish His work.
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Finally, we’ve reached the last week of the election season. Please join me in a collective sigh of relief. Following last week’s post of finding compassion in a culture of condemnation, it seemed only appropriate to talk about finding truth amid the chaos of election season. Even though next Tuesday is a mid-term vote, it seems as though this year's advertising push has been bombarding us at a level usually only seen in the presidential elections. Like most Americans, I am eagerly anticipating the removal of the countless tacky yard signs which take away from the splendor of the fall colors, not to mention finally being able to watch my favorite TV show (The Voice) without the incessant noise and rude volleys between the local candidates. The political rhetoric this season has been much scarier than anything that can be seen in tonight’s spooky movie marathons.

So when the negative rhetoric is more frightening than Hollywood’s thrillers and the fantastical accusations are flying from both sides, how do we see the truth and make decisions that honor God? Recently, I came across a brilliant ray of hope on this topic. Nestled deep among the litany of disturbing news stories, was a The New York Times op-ed piece by Timothy Keller, the pastor of Redeemer Church in NYC. The essay, which was drawn from his newest book about the life of Jonah, is a reminder to Christians that we cannot "transcend politics and simply ‘preach the Gospel.’” It also offers a reminder to the general public that we as believers don’t fit into the stereotypical boxes of America's two-party system.

Because I cannot say it as eloquently as he does, I encourage you to read the essay for yourself. But his two main points are this: (1) God calls Christians to be actively involved in seeking and supporting the truth in our governmental bodies, no matter which political affiliation is espousing the truth; and (2) we should not allow the Body of Christ as a whole to be fully identified and publicly married to one political party because the issues we should fight for often cross party lines or are aligned with no party at all.

In his essay, Keller explains: "So Christians are pushed toward two main options. One is to withdraw and try to be apolitical. The second is to assimilate and fully adopt one party’s whole package in order to have your place at the table. Neither of these options is valid. In the Good Samaritan parable told in the Gospel of Luke, Jesus points us to a man risking his life to give material help to someone of a different race and religion. Jesus forbids us to withhold help from our neighbors, and this will inevitably require that we participate in political processes. If we experience exclusion and even persecution for doing so, we are assured that God is with us (Matthew 5:10-11) and that some will still see our 'good deeds and glorify God' (1 Peter 2:11-12). If we are only offensive or only attractive to the world and not both, we can be sure we are failing to live as we ought."

What I love most about this essay is the way it so beautifully stands out in the sea of polarizing stereotypes about Christians in the media. As one of the most regarded and well-known Christian leaders of our day, Keller used one of the most visible platforms in the world to proclaim that Jesus and those who seek Him in spirit and truth cannot be defined by the constructs and perceptions of humankind. Of course, the challenge is for us to walk in spirit and truth in front of our neighbors, friends, and co-workers and refuse to be hemmed in by anything the world tries to impress upon us. After all, it’s much easier to succumb to the status quo and go with the flow.

If you’re like me, though, you were hoping that Keller would prescribe some particular spiritual antidote to apply at the voting box this coming Tuesday. When we trust a leader, we often find ourselves wanting him or her to simply do the thinking for us, but that’s not what Keller does, nor did Jesus when He was leading the disciples. Like the first band of believers, Jesus expects us to do the hard work of seeking God’s personal and specific direction for each of our unique situations. So as you head to the polls next week or cast your absentee ballot, as a believer you have a responsibility to invite the Holy Spirit to guide not only your mind in evaluating the truth, but also your heart and soul. The election is a call to Christians to pray… a lot. No matter how it turns out, ultimately voting should be about Christians earnestly seeking communion with God, not merely fulfilling a civic duty. John 14:17 says the world cannot receive the spirit of truth, on the other hand 16:13 reminds us that believers do possess the spirit of truth. He dwells inside of us and “He will guide us into all truth.”

While the Roman Empire was governed quite differently than the U.S., Paul had a great deal of experience handling the intersection of faith with politics. As a Roman citizen, he knew firsthand the weight of both his civic duty and his calling from God, so therefore he emphasized the need for prayer. In 1 Timothy 2:1-2 he writes, “First of all, then, I urge that supplications, prayers, intercessions, and thanksgivings be made for all people, for kings and all who are in high positions, that we may lead a peaceful and quiet life, godly and dignified in every way.” In referring to “all people,” Paul specifically highlights governmental leaders.

I also love the way the Message version puts our command to be responsible citizens in Romans 13:1-2: “Be a good citizen. All governments are under God. Insofar as there is peace and order, it’s God’s order. So live responsibly as a citizen. If you’re irresponsible to the state, then you’re irresponsible with God, and God will hold you responsible.”

When we honor God by praying for guidance, for our leaders of both parties, and for the people of our nation, we can let go of any worry over the outcome. Proverbs 14:34 says, “Righteousness exalts a nation, but sin condemns any people.” Furthermore, no matter how helpful or how damaging we perceive the election results to be, we must continue to pray for righteousness to prevail and trust in the sovereignty of our Heavenly Father. My go-to verse when I need the reassurance of God’s benevolent, wise involvement in everything that happens on earth is 1 Chronicles 29:11-12: “Yours, O Lord, is the greatness, the power, the glory, the victory, and the majesty. Everything in the heavens and on earth is yours, O Lord, and this is your kingdom. We adore you as the one who is over all things. Wealth and honor come from you alone, for you rule over everything. Power and might are in your hand, and at your discretion people are made great and given strength.” Oh, that all Christians would get on their knees this Election Day and just pray those verses back to our Heavenly Father!

This Tuesday your vote does count, but not just for the obvious patriotic reasons. Every vote counts because Jesus expects us to be vessels for the truth motivated to action in every opportunity. He doesn’t want us to be spectators sitting on the sidelines hoping to go unnoticed any more than He wants us to blindly and abrasively champion the views of a single party line for the sake of convenience or public attention. Jesus wants us to trumpet Him above all else, and the only way to do that is to rise above the rhetoric and vote in spirit and truth.
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We live in a world that is quick to condemn and prone to instant reactionary judgment regardless of moral, ethical, religious, or political leanings. Of course, this reality is nothing new, but there are times when it seems far worse and more suffocating than others. The human tendency to react with judgment rather than curiosity, grace, and compassion has been our collective flaw since the dawn of time. And while this post is not at all about politics, but rather the pervasive temptation of condemnation across all facets of our lives, I’ve always been especially grateful that election season immediately precedes the holidays. The founding fathers selected early November because it followed the harvest period and generally came before the consistent arrival of winter weather. But God surely had a hand in giving them that wisdom because after months and months of public incivility, arguing, and communication saturation, we all need to hear the refreshing themes of “good will toward men” and “tis the season to be jolly.”

Liberal, conservative, spiritual, atheistic, wealthy, poor, straight, gay, married, divorced, traditional, or progressive, regardless of our beliefs and convictions, we are all equally capable of making harsh, rash and horribly inaccurate assessments, casting blame, and applying labels to others. If it wasn’t so damaging, the level of polarization on any side of human preference would almost be comical to observe from a neutral perspective. Like the song made famous by Bette Midler, if we could view ourselves from far, far away it would be so much better: “From a distance, we are instruments marching in a common band… From a distance, there is harmony and it echoes through the land. God is watching us, God is watching us … from a distance.” Though I love the fabulous Ms. Bette, she couldn’t be more wrong. God is indeed watching us, but He is certainly not doing it from a distance. As Jesus did when He walked the earth, the Holy Spirit is here among us, trying to work through us, and is mightily grieved by the judgmental, divisive, and abrasive words humans carelessly fling about as though we have an excuse or license to do so. 

Many Christians are fond of reacting to the all-too-common sin of condemnation by saying things like, “love the sinner, hate the sin,” and do their best to make it clear that they are adept at knowing the difference. But unfortunately, even a well-intentioned cliche like that has become horribly maligned and poorly received by the people who don’t believe they are sinning in the first place. That’s because the truth of the matter is, no one will feel that they are loved as long as you hate anything about them. Love and hate simply cannot co-exist in the same heart space. Embracing the attitude of this expression unintentionally, but inherently, links judgment to the action of loving. It makes offering the love conditional in some manner, no matter how much we argue that it doesn’t. We cannot effectively communicate the fullness of love to someone we disagree with if we are telling them that something they are doing is hateful at the same time. All they hear is the hate in our words, and miss our love, even if it’s really there. 

So for those who long to share the love of Christ with others, what are we to do? I’m not writing about this today because I have the complete answer to that question. Because I simply don’t. I only have some clues to share based on two fundamental truths Jesus taught plainly. First, He commands me to love others as I would myself. Second, God asks me to love Him with my whole heart and mind, which means I must try to live by the convictions of the Holy Spirit. As I seek to love Him that way, He makes it clear through His Word and His voice in my heart what He regards as holy, honoring, and pleasing to Him.

One clue I have in reconciling these two truths is that the focus of each is different. Did you notice that the focal point of the first commandment is others? When Jesus gave the command in Mark 12:30-31, He didn’t add any qualifiers to that statement. We are to love our neighbor, who can be any one of any lifestyle, persuasion, political leaning, or faith. On the other hand, the focus of the second commandment is me and my relationship with God. Not your relationship with God. Not my neighbor’s relationship with God, or lack thereof. The only human being on the planet with a heart that I can look into and evaluate is my own. 

The second clue I found in dealing with this conundrum is how Jesus reacted to people in his earthly ministry. I don’t think Jesus would have ever put a word that refers to a person’s eternal soul, a.k.a. the “sinner,” on the same weight and value as a word that refers to their earthly actions, a.k.a. the “sin.” Jesus loved people regardless of their sins, and He grieved over their sins. He even expressed sadness over the sin of those who would ultimately be responsible for His death on the cross. In Luke 13:34, Jesus said, “Jerusalem, Jerusalem, you who kill the prophets and stone those sent to you, how often I have longed to gather your children together, as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, and you were not willing.” When I read that verse, I hear longing in His voice, not anger or words of judgment. 

In story after story in the Gospels, we see Jesus embracing people caught up in habitual sin. The woman at the well. The prostitutes. The tax collectors who cheated people regularly. The woman caught in adultery. And so many more. Never once did He focus on their sins. Instead, He focused on loving them as people first. He knew that after they came to love Him in return, the Holy Spirit would deal with their sins in His time. Of course, it is important to note that He never condoned their sins either. And this is the uncomfortable truth about Jesus’ example that many people carry too far in justifying their own sins or excusing the sins of others. It is a very fine line and one that can only be walked in the power of the Holy Spirit. 

John MacArthur said, “Don't ever let your adoration of the doctrine of sovereignty crowd out God's compassion or replace human responsibility with some kind of fatalism. Jesus wept because of this unwillingness to believe. It grieved His heart and it should grieve ours as well.” Jesus demonstrated grief over those who were blind to the truth of who He was and His offer of abundant life. Jesus allowed people to reject Him. He never forced Himself on anyone. Instead, He grieved over their waywardness, stubbornness, and sinfulness. When we are truly allowing the love of Christ to saturate our hearts, the result is sadness, grace, and compassion for those who refuse to believe, are trapped in habitual sin, or lash out in pain. How can we demand Christian morality from people who don’t love Christ?  

For this reason, I think the phrase “love the sinner, hate the sin” should be banned from Christian vernacular and replaced with simply “love people to Jesus.” If we are truly loving people on their journey to Jesus, then we will grieve as Jesus did over their sin and respond not with judgment, but with compassion. Most importantly, we will be removing any personal responsibility for their sin from our vocabulary. Our actions should be contained to the realm of love, not hate. We cannot convict hearts. We cannot change people. Only Jesus can do that, and when they eventually come to Him, He will most certainly take care of their sins with expert timing and surgical precision. And we must resist thinking that what we believe to be the most egregious sins will be first on Jesus’ cleanup list. Letting Him do His work without our judgment is one of the hardest aspects of Godly love.

So when is it right to speak out about sin? The short answer is only when the Holy Spirit leads us to do so, and we better be very sure of that leading. Jesus demonstrated righteous anger when people committed atrocities in the name of His heavenly Father. He drove the moneychangers out of the temple because they were defiling God’s dwelling place, corrupting what is holy, and taking advantage of the faithful. He had strong words for those who prey upon innocent children, the weak, and less fortunate. Likewise, He spoke sternly and unequivocally against “religious” people wrapped up in hypocrisy, hard-heartedness, pride, and superiority. 

When we do consider sharing our anger or simply calling out someone’s sin, the first question to ask is whether or not the situation or person you want to address is within the church body or outside the faith. There is no question that God calls believers to hold each other accountable for sin, but there is a very specific, prayerful process the Bible gives us to follow when doing so. Here is a brief article on the topic from Lisa Harper.

With those outside of the faith, we look to Jesus’ example of leading them toward God gently with love and not judgment. If you suspect God might be leading you to speak out to a person or stand up for a cause, one of the key indicators is whether or not God is also calling you to take action. Words delivered without some kind of Spirit-directed action are rarely of God. Many of the world’s greatest movements to stop corruption, reform broken systems, and help those in need have been started by Christians called out by God to create change. On the other hand, carelessly flinging accusations, harsh rhetoric, and rants on social media do nothing to change society, unify believers, or stop corruption. Venting, accusing, labeling, and blaming don’t contribute anything but negative consequences, while Spirit-led action can change the world. 

One of Billy Graham’s most famous quotes happened in 1998 right after he had attended a dinner with Bill Clinton during the height of the impeachment crisis. When asked how he could behave so graciously to the President during the event, his response was simply, “It’s the Holy Spirit’s job to convict; it’s God’s job to judge; and it’s our job to love.” Until Jesus returns one day, the world will never be as it appears from a distance. And we will always battle the temptation to judge others. But by striving to do what God has asked us to do — and not the things only He can do — we can be purveyors of love rather than accidental carriers of hate.
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We cannot keep anything secret from God. This statement may seem as indisputably clear as lightning in a night sky, but as many of us have learned the hard way, it is anything but obvious in daily practice. With the exception of Jesus himself, many heroes of the faith — both Biblical and modern-day ones — have succumbed to the lie that no one will find out, care, or be hurt by our secret thoughts and deeds. So I’m not sure why any of the rest of us would ever think that we could keep secrets contained within some boundary of mere human design. 

For many people, the idea of keeping secrets from God does sound ludicrous until they end up getting caught by one they didn’t even know they were keeping. Problems can hibernate under the surface of our lives when we erroneously believe that we are immune to certain temptations because of our maturity or previous track record of success. In other cases, the secret issue may have started out as a completely benign habit, indulgence, or conversation, but slowly crept into sinful territory over weeks, months, or years. Furthermore, a secret doesn’t have to be classified as “big” to create significant havoc when it is finally revealed. All too often, it’s the little things that slowly snowball over time, fed by the darkness we keep them in, that end up causing us the most trouble. Regardless of where they come from or why, no one at any level of maturity or belief is immune to harboring secrets in the heart. 

One thing all believers can count on is that somehow, some way, and at some point, God will always unearth secrets from the hearts of the ones He loves. He paid too high of a price for us, has plans too great to fail, and loves us too much to let our secrets burrow down, deepen the roots of sin, and grow tentacles of destruction in our lives either now or in the distant future. Whether it’s the large-scale public exposure of a mega-church pastor involved in an affair or the seemingly small revelation that a boss has been taking all the credit for her staff’s hard work, God is not only aware of every little detail in our lives (Psalm 139:1-4), He promises without exception that He will work things out for our good and His glory (Romans 8:28). That means the truth will always come out… one way or another. 
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In my own life, I have always been amazed to discover how widespread or deeply connected the impact harboring a secret can be. Earlier this year, my pride lured me into keeping what most people would consider to be a relatively minor secret from my husband, but the Holy Spirit used the incident to teach me how important it is for nothing to come between me and my spouse. When God calls people to serve Him, He takes into account far more than the individual, especially if he or she is married. God’s plan for oneness in marriage means that when He gives direction to one spouse, He intends for the other to have a powerful role as well, even if it’s in the form of prayer support only.

Because it’s not only illustrative of my point, but also because it’s embarrassingly funny, I’ll tell you about the secret I attempted to keep. It all started with a knot in my shoulder while my husband was away traveling on business. Since he wasn’t around to work out the kinks in my muscles, I attempted to knead the knot myself with a massage ball … on the wall. By the time I was finished, the knot was better. The wall was not. I didn’t see the damage to the drywall at first, but later in the shadows of evening light, the divots became startlingly visible. As I stared at them in disbelief, I decided right then and there that I needed to fix them myself. I reasoned out that if my husband had done something to damage one of our walls, he wouldn’t have asked me what to do about it first. He would simply repair it. Therefore, I decided that I wouldn’t say anything when he got home, and if he didn’t notice it, then I would take care of the work myself the next time he was away. Key to this prideful decision on my part was that he had warned me before that it was better to use the massage ball on the floor and not the wall. My pride flared again.

When my husband arrived home that week he didn’t notice the wall damage and I smiled secretly to myself as I imagined being the self-reliant homeowner with mad drywall and paint skills. Determined to take care of my own messes, I began the project as soon as he took another trip. Going to the paint store, I had them mix the exact same color shown on my receipt from our last purchase. This was going to be a breeze, I thought. Oh, how wrong I was. After two rounds of divot repair and sanding, I finally began to paint. It was close. Super close. But not a perfect match. And again, the evening light revealed more than daylight, picking up on the slightly different textures of the patch job just below the fresh coat of paint. I went to bed panicked as the flaws in my logic slowly surfaced in the closing darkness. If I couldn’t make it better, I’d not only have to reveal my mistake, but also acknowledge that my repair skills are woefully lacking. Pride whispered to me again and kept me awake for hours.

The next day, I researched paint feathering and blending. I diluted and tested, diluted and tested again. Before long, my advanced feathering technique had left me with a repair zone more than three times the size of the original set of divots. It was better, but it wasn’t perfect. And I went to bed again with my pride singing a cold lullaby.

When he came home again, I held my breath. And once again, he didn’t notice. So I convinced myself that I’d done a great job, even if I could still see the evidence of my secret every evening as I settled into bed. My pride was telling me to forget about it and just move on. But now, the Holy Spirit was the One keeping me awake. Over the next several weeks, I wrestled with my secret. I worked out various conversational scenarios in my head in case he ever noticed my repair job. And finally, one Saturday morning as we talked about several potential home improvement projects, the Holy Spirit’s conviction became so loud in my heart, it was though He were literally yelling at me. “Tell him. Confess. Not later. Now. Now.” Thinking back on it, I absolutely laugh at myself now, but my heart was pounding that morning.

Finally, I obeyed and revealed my secret repair job to my husband. When I traced the outline of my brilliant feathering technique with my finger, he finally saw it and said with a smile, “When did you accomplish this?” To him, it was not a huge deal. Not nearly what I had made it out to be in my mind. To me, revealing my secret was like being able to breathe again. In the coming days, the Holy Spirit began to remind me of how incredibly important it was for there to be nothing between me and the one I share my life with, just as there is to be nothing between me and my Savior.

One of the most tangible ways God shows His love toward us is through the important people in our lives. The love shared between spouses, family members, friends, and our community of believers is a sacred love. It is the way we show the love of Jesus to each other and to a larger world that is desperately searching for authenticity, hope, and tangible evidence of a caring God. Secrets kill sacred love. They destroy God’s plan for sharing that love. They gnaw away at our peace and threaten to destroy our relationships. Secrets are never contained within just one person, no matter how effective we are at concealing them. They remain an obstacle between us and God, and their existence almost always comes between us and someone we are called to love.

Just look at the devastation that gossip can do to a group of friends, a ministry, a work team, or a neighborhood. Gossip is by its very definition a collection of secrets shared among an elite few. Juicy tidbits passed between friends may seem — and feel — harmless, but there’s probably not a person on earth who hasn’t felt the sting of a careless word or an intentional slam from someone they previously thought to be trustworthy.

God has a high standard regarding secrets. In the early church, there was a couple (Ananias and Sapphira) who volunteered to sell a piece of their property to help those in need. But when Ananias brought the proceeds to the church, God revealed to Peter that the couple had lied about the selling price and had kept some funds for themselves. Acts 5:1-11 records the incident and the tragic results of their secret. When Peter confronted Sapphira, he said, “How could the two of you even think of conspiring to test the Spirit of the Lord like this?” Clearly, he was as baffled as we are as to why they felt the need to lie to God about a contribution that was entirely voluntary. This story reveals the very nature of secrets — they usually arise to cover up something that doesn’t make sense or isn’t right in the first place. Luke 12:2-3 says, “But there is nothing covered up that will not be revealed, and hidden that will not be known. Accordingly, whatever you have said in the dark will be heard in the light, and what you have whispered in the inner rooms will be proclaimed upon the housetops.”​

The human heart wasn’t designed to be a labyrinth of secrets. Rather, it was created to be a throne room for God Himself. As such, any secret we create will take up space that our Heavenly Father longs to fill up with His goodness, beauty, peace, truth, hope, and love. Psalm 51:6 says, “Behold, you delight in truth in the inward being, and you teach me wisdom in the secret heart.” When we become followers of Jesus, the Holy Spirit begins the immediate work of transforming us into a vessel worthy of the King, and He will do anything it takes to make us ready to carry that Good News with everyone we encounter. So when the temptation to hold secrets comes our way, we should do as the Psalmist did, examining our motives in the light of God’s expectations. Psalm 51:10 says, “Create in me a clean heart, and renew a right spirit within me.” And when we surrender all our secrets to God, seeking His desires instead of ours, we are able to discover the power of Psalm 37:4 — it is not the desires of our hearts that make us truly happy, but rather God’s.
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Patience is not in the Book of Virtues. Literally. When a reader of my blog recently asked me to write about patience, the first thing that came to my mind was the old adage “patience is a virtue.” But when I pulled out my copy of William J. Bennett’s brilliant compilation of writings on ten timeless virtues, patience — to my surprise — was not one of them. 

Searching the internet to find Mr. Bennett’s rationale behind leaving out the most commonly referenced virtue of them all yielded nothing. Not a single clue regarding its mysterious absence. So I began to speculate why he left it out, and eventually landed on this conclusion: patience is more like a skill than a virtue. Like a trusty, well-used tool, deeply refined patience is the key to unlocking many other virtues. For example, without patience, it’s not possible to fully generate the virtues of compassion, self-discipline, loyalty, and perseverance. (All of those are in Mr. Bennett’s book, by the way.) Sure, we may show trace amounts of these virtues, but they will never completely bloom to have the impact we desire unless we have acquired and practiced the primary skill of patience.

Patience, however, is not a simple tool. Rather it is a complex, multi-use instrument, more like a pocketknife than a hammer or scissors. The patience required while sitting in heavy traffic with a sea of rude drivers is very different from the kind of patience needed while waiting on a dream to come true. Because I have recently written about growing through seasons of waiting (see this post), my focus here will be on the art of mustering patience with frustrating people and irritating situations. But, of course, learning how to have patience in this arena will help anyone exhibit more of it in the many other aspects of life.

Learning to gracefully and compassionately manage our daily frustrations with life and with people — both the ones we love and the ones we can’t imagine loving — is a rapidly dwindling skill in today’s digitally driven culture of instant gratification. According to the Pew Research Center people under the age of 35 have far less patience than previous generations, largely driven by our “hyperconnected” society and its emphasis on immediate satisfaction. Since I am well beyond that under-35 bracket and struggle mightily with patience, these kinds of research reports seem especially alarming.

But regardless of our society’s normalization and increasing promotion of instant gratification, the ability to practice patience is worth fighting for, now more than ever. And the very first step in that fight is to change our very flawed and highly negative perception that cultivating patience is an unpleasant and arduous endeavor. To be blunt: we need to stop thinking about patience as if it is a pain in the butt. When in fact, the process of patience itself is a treasure hunt for the truth accompanied by an invitation from God.

To explain that statement, consider this powerful example from the art world. Harvard art historian and professor, Jennifer L. Roberts, has a brilliant requirement for all of her students. Before they begin writing a research paper on a particular piece of art, they are required to go see it in a museum or gallery and observe it for three hours straight. That’s right, they have to stay in one place for three hours and gaze at the painting or sculpture. She said in an article, “The time span is explicitly designed to seem excessive … At first many of the students resist being subjected to such a remedial exercise. But after doing the assignment, students repeatedly tell me that they have been astonished by the potentials this process unlocked. It is commonly assumed that vision is immediate. It seems direct, uncomplicated, and instantaneous—which is why it has arguably become the master sense for the delivery of information in the contemporary technological world. But what students learn in a visceral way in this assignment is that in any work of art there are details and orders and relationships that take time to perceive. What this exercise shows students is that just because you have looked at something doesn’t mean that you have seen it.” The article entitled “The Power of Patience” is so fascinating, I encourage you to read it in full.

So instead of viewing patience as something that requires waiting, we would do much better to value it as a means to see truth and then react with grace and love. That’s the invitation extended to us every day, whether we’re fighting irritation in traffic or struggling to be patient with a stubborn child. Patience is not at all about learning to kill time with a pleasant demeanor, it is about learning and then reacting with compassion to the truth that is revealed.

Like the art history requirement, imagine if you had to sit at a stoplight for three hours. What would you see? Well, you’d see nothing if you let frustration, anger, and resentment cloud your vision. But if you approached it as a way of seeing the truth with an invitation, you might notice the homeless person standing on the corner. With three hours at the light, would you look into her eyes and venture to have a conversation with her? You might also notice the old man in the car next to you and the deep lines of sadness across his leathery face. Would you roll down the window and ask how he’s doing? What about the punk young adult in the lowrider blaring loud music behind you? Instead of being angry that he’s been riding your bumper for the last five miles and assuming that he would cut you off given the chance, would you get out of your vehicle and ask him what his big dreams are? What would you notice at the stoplight if you had to be there for three hours?

Josiah Royce, the American philosopher, said more than a century ago, “What is then thy neighbor? [Your neighbor] is a mass of states, of experiences, thoughts, and desires, just as real as thou art. Does thou believe this? Are thou sure what it means? This is for thee, the turning point of thy whole conduct towards him.” Belief is required for the cultivation of patience. Whether someone is an atheist or deeply spiritual, believing that there is always a greater truth or another layer to be revealed about someone or a situation is required for anyone to have patience. A casual glance or a quick assessment will never reveal what’s really going on in someone’s life or in a situation, so at the pace life moves, why do we assume the worst and get irritated? Hanging out at a traffic light for three hours isn’t likely to happen, but believing that there is always more than meets the eye will allow us to practice patience and extend grace in situations that on the surface seem to be wholly negative. The old man who’s been driving painfully slow hasn’t heard from his daughter in ten years. The punk kid with the loud music has been told repeatedly that he’s worthless. The homeless lady is a victim of human trafficking and the only way she knows how to survive without turning tricks is to beg for money.

Christians believe that our journey here on earth is to prepare us for eternity with God. So if that is the case, then how does patience cultivated here relate to heaven, where we will have perfect conditions and an endless amount of time? Besides the fact that the Bible commands us to develop patience, I think it has everything to do with taking the time to see the truth in order that we may extend the compassion of Jesus. Being patient with those who need mercy (and we all do!) will help them see the truth of a loving God in our actions. By accepting God’s invitation nestled within every challenging moment, we are living out 1 Thessalonians 5:14 which encourages us to be patient with everyone — not just those who deserve it.

Practicing patience isn’t only good for those we encounter, it’s also good for us. Sitting in front of artwork for three hours is difficult, but paintings are inanimate objects. They don’t have audible voices like screaming children. They don’t have the ability to move like an angry driver cutting you off. They don’t have selfish desires like a co-worker who steals the credit for your job well done. Enduring three hours in a meeting with an irritating person requires an entirely different level of endurance, especially when it is so easy to be blinded by their actions and attitudes. And this is why developing patience and learning to extend compassion is good for us — because we must rely on the strength, wisdom and love of Christ working through us to do so. Loving difficult people and enduring frustrating situations with grace teaches our spirits to abide with Jesus more and more each day. Colossians 1:10b -12 says, “All the while, you will grow as you learn to know God better and better. We also pray that you will be strengthened with all His glorious power so you will have all the endurance and patience you need. May you be filled with joy, always thanking the Father. He has enabled you to share in the inheritance that belongs to His people, who live in the light.”

Jesus saw through the exterior demeanor and behaviors of frustrating people and instead looked into their hearts. He saw the truth of difficult situations and knew what the final outcomes would be. What Jesus was able to see immediately, it may take us hours, days, or even years to see. But no matter how long it takes, we’ll never see any of it if we don’t believe He has a plan for all of it in the first place. Impatience is a blinding weakness that relies on external circumstances to make us feel content, happy, or calm. Patience is yielding that weakness to the power of Christ and allowing Him to make us content, joyful and calm by being vessels for His glory, instruments of His love, and pictures of His gentle peace. 
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Honor. It’s a word that many of us associate with the military or the knights of the roundtable. If you’re like me, it’s a not really a word you use in everyday vocabulary. I think that’s because we regard it as a kind of lofty word, reserving it for wedding vows, veterans ceremonies, lifetime achievements, and Jane Austen films. We seem to save it for special events or rare occasions as if honor is something we only do for specific people or as a part of time-honored traditions.

Given our modern technology-driven culture that minimizes offline relationships and appears to promote only the most disrespectful and abrasive treatment of others, it would be so easy to believe that honor is passé… an old-time value from a largely bygone era. While I am not one who longs for the repressed emotions and often faux civility of the Victorian period, I have often wondered just how far our society will degrade in my lifetime in terms of our public discourse. At some point, I think I’ll have to cut the cord to broadcast and cable TV (in whatever form it eventually takes) not because of the expense, but to avoid watching the news and commercials, especially the political ones.

CS Lewis said in his book The Abolition of Man, “We laugh at honor and are shocked to find traitors in our midst.” He wrote that in the early 1940s at a time when the use of the term of was very relevant for most Britons and Americans, who were summoning all the honor and courage they had to go fight an insidious evil perpetrated by the antithesis of honor. In that climate, it’s hard to believe Lewis thought honor was slipping away from British society. But in reading the first chapter of his book, while there is absolutely no mention of Hitler or the War, I think perhaps he was implying that if good society wants to continue to hold back callousness, hatred, outright irresponsibility, and even evil in future generations, we must figure out how to teach, inspire, and live out the honor of Christ. Only through divine guidance, can we learn to reason and act based on truth while fully feeling and experiencing what it means to be a human living in God’s abundance. As always, Lewis was ahead of his time.

I can’t even imagine what Lewis would say in observing just 15 minutes of a 2018 newscast or surfing Facebook for only a few moments. He might be shocked enough to be speechless. On the other hand, I do know what the Holy Spirit says — at least to me — when I process the largely dishonorable culture around me through the lens of scripture. I hear Him whisper about royalty. This week He has been reminding me of who I am and who all those who have placed their faith in Jesus are — sons and daughters of the King. We are royalty and, as such, it behooves us to act like children of our heavenly birthright. Even if you’ve read them a thousand times, take a fresh look at the weight and implications of these scriptures:

• 1 Peter 2:9: But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for His own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of Him who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light.
• Romans 8:15-17: For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, “Abba! Father!” The Spirit Himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs — heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with Him in order that we may also be glorified with Him.
• Luke 22:29-30: And just as my Father has granted me a Kingdom, I now grant you the right to eat and drink at my table in my Kingdom. And you will sit on thrones…
• Isaiah 62:3: You shall be a crown of beauty in the hand of the Lord, and a royal diadem in the hand of your God.

So while most of us would readily agree that God’s idea of royalty includes a requirement to be honorable, there’s a surprising lack of understanding of how it is supposed to play out in everyday life. But scripture is not ambiguous about it, even though our society doesn’t teach or display honor to the extent that Jesus modeled for us. 1 Corinthians 7:22-24 says, “All of you, slave and free both, were once held hostage in a sinful society. Then a huge sum was paid out for your ransom. So please don’t, out of old habit, slip back into being or doing what everyone else tells you.” (The Message, emphasis mine) The term “huge sum,” or simply “price” in most English translations, comes from the Greek word meaning “honor.” Whoa. Think about that. Honor is defined as treating something or someone as precious, respected, and valuable. It’s not just about revering someone’s sacrifice, as in the military sense, or having a mutual respect so strong that it can withstand outside influences like the knights of the roundtable. Honor in its daily implementation means to treat others — no matter what their position, lifestyle, wealth, preferences, or behaviors — as if they are precious and valuable. The bottom line is that we are to treat them how Jesus did — that they are fellow royalty no matter where they are on their spiritual journey. From prostitutes to thieves, Jesus treated everyone he encountered based on who they could become in His kingdom, not what they were struggling with at the time.

In his sermon The Weight of Glory, C.S. Lewis said that there is no one you will ever meet who is a mere mortal. No one is just an ordinary person. Every interaction you have bears the weight of helping someone on his or her spiritual journey. Here is how Lewis put it:
“The load, or weight, or burden of my neighbor’s glory should be laid daily on my back, a load so heavy that only humility can carry it, and the backs of the proud will be broken. It is a serious thing to live in a society of possible gods and goddesses, to remember that the dullest and most uninteresting person you talk to may one day be a creature which, if you saw it now, you would be strongly tempted to worship, or else a horror and a corruption such as you now meet, if at all, only in a nightmare. All day long we are, in some degree, helping each other to one or other of these destinations.”

If you thought that one went right to the heart of the matter, 1 Peter 2:17 takes it even further, piercing into our deepest, most secretive thoughts, perspectives, and fears. The verse commands, “Honor everyone. Love the brotherhood. Fear God. Honor the emperor.” Gulp! Peter leaves no one out of that brief but powerful statement, and he even does it with a little bit of humor with his reference to the emperor. Certainly, the term “everyone” included the emperor, but just like our politics today and in every society throughout history, there’s always going to be divisiveness and dishonor surrounding those who govern us, whether it’s our boss at work or an elected official. Even worse, I think, is the dishonor that runs rampant among the various segments of people that identify with one political vision or another. Just about every personal conviction or lifestyle choice seems to force us to self-identify with some group. And if we don’t put ourselves into a camp, then guaranteed someone else will label you and do it for you. But at the end of the day, no matter our choices or differences, we are to honor every human being as a fellow royal-in-the-making. No one is out of reach of the hand of God, but Jesus made it clear that it is not our jobs to judge anyone’s progress toward — or distance away from — that destiny.

When I am confronted with the lack of honor in my heart toward someone I disagree with — even if the thoughts never exit my mouth — my first instinct is to make excuses. But then the Holy Spirit reminds me of the inescapable truth of 1 John 4:10-11 which says, “This is real love — not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins. Dear friends, since God loved us that much, we surely ought to love each other.” We can’t love God enough to make ourselves worthy of the royalty He gives us. Nor can we muster up enough honor or love from within ourselves to bring everyone we encounter to reach the glory God offers them. We have to let God’s unbiased love, made possible through Christ, flow through us to others. Our responsibility is to do our best to not get in its way and ask God to prune us more and more every day to be humble, royal servants to everyone we meet or talk to through any means, channel, or interaction. It’s a tall order, but it comes from a King who will stop at nothing to help us carry His love to every subject in the realm.
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On Monday this week, I took what might be my last jump in the lake for the summer. We had a rare streak of hot days this September and when I looked at the 10-day forecast, it became clear that Maine has probably had its last day of true summer heat for the year. My late afternoon dip was ceremonial in a sense… an ode to an amazing summer filled with laughter, campfires, outdoor living, a house full of guests, and way too many s’mores. Because I live in place that in the winter gets more than its fair share of blizzards and six-foot snow drifts, summer is both magical and elusive in its nature, which makes me want to take in every ray of warm sunshine. Like a big, wet beach towel, it’s as though I spend most of September trying to wring out every last drop of the golden hours.

As the ideal weather for warm, lazy moments in the hammock is slowly morphing into crisp, cool air just perfect for apple picking and Sunday afternoon football, I have a choice to face reality or ignore it. Like anything in life, the season is changing to push me out of familiarity and into new priorities. There are moments where I want to resist this natural course. When I’ve wrung out all I can of the season, I am tempted to begin reliving the immediate past instead of looking forward to the slate of fresh, new opportunities before me. Because I’ve become accustomed to warm-weather in the last four months, certain habits, like wearing flip-flops everywhere, are now entrenched. And as we all know, entrenched things don’t lend themselves to being dug up easily. It is so much easier to burrow down, on all fronts — physical, mental, and emotional — and try to maintain the status quo.

When I was younger I used to hate the expression, “All good things must come to an end.” I viewed it as 100% negative and promised myself to never use it in everyday conversation. When I looked up the origin of the saying, it confirms the negative implications. Geoffrey Chaucer is credited with coining the phrase way back in the 1300s. He used it to describe the end of a beautiful relationship. Ever since then, the world has been using it to communicate resignation or acceptance of something going from good to bad, or to signify the ending of something wonderful that can never be again.

Thankfully, my perception of this timeless truth has gradually changed. It took a long time for me to realize that my negative reaction to this saying was rooted in immaturity and selfishness. I previously equated the saying with the other all-too-common refrain of, “That’s not fair!” In other words, we want what we want, when we want it, and we don’t think we should ever have to give up anything unless we choose to do so. (Bonus points if you repeat that last line to yourself out loud while whining like a five-year-old.) But the reality is that God designed our lives and our journeys for change… for progression … for growth.

All change is uncomfortable on some level, even the small stuff. We don’t always recognize it, thank goodness. But when we do acknowledge it, our culture and natural instincts tell us to whine about it. View it as negative. View it as something being taken away from us. Whether it’s a material possession like wrecking your new car or something far more precious like the loss of a loved one, the seasons that come and go in life are always challenging us… our resiliency, our attitudes, our openness, and most importantly our faith. Every moment of change is an opportunity to welcome God’s plan for our lives, which is not headed toward a cruel, impersonal end, but rather something positive and specifically designed for each of us as individuals.  And our belief — or not — in that truth makes all the difference between welcoming the next season or resisting it and letting what is absent turn into a knotty, twisted root of resentfulness or bitterness in our hearts. The condition of our heart is mirrored in our eyes, which in turn colors how we see and process everything.

Instead, the Word of God shows us how to walk in trust and maturity toward growth, rather than dwelling in the past with our fists clenched so tight that we are no longer holding anything of value. When we truly believe to the point of action, we can literally experience the presence of Jesus as He bends down to touch our sweaty, tight fists, look into our eyes, and whisper, “It’s time to open those, dear one. Give me all that you have, you can trust me with your heart, your needs, and your life. When you receive the changes I am bringing, you will find fulfillment for the true desires of your heart and the greatest longings in your soul.”

For many years, I thought I believed. And I did to a certain point. I experienced God moving in my life, but each time I entered a certain kind of season that was particularly challenging for me, my belief was tested and I would crumble and run to my corner with my fists up. Seasons that test me, may not challenge you. We’re all different. What drives us to the corner is different. But Jesus comes to any corner, in any season, and He will keep asking you to open your fists. Put your dukes down. Stop trying to control everything. Stop saying, “It’s not fair.” We may go through three of the same season, 10 seasons, or more, before we finally look up and believe enough to open our hands.

A woman who had her fists clenched is portrayed in the Gospel of John 8:1-11. She was in a terrible season. We know she committed a sin, but we have no idea about the kind of life she had been living or how far she had been pushed into desperation. Regardless of the road she took to get there, she ended up in a heap in the dirt with big stones scattered all around her. After rescuing her from certain death, Jesus got down in the dirt and filth with her to open her hands and her heart to do things differently from now on. He didn’t reveal to her a step-by-step how-to guide, but He entreated her to follow Him and trust.
Jesus was good at unclenching fists of all kinds. Some belonged to people desperate for change and others were the hands of people who had previously refused to welcome any kind of change. The greatest common denominator of them all? Belief. Belief brings conviction, which in turn, births humility, followed by love. Fast on the heels of love comes service. When you love someone, you take action for them, even at your own discomfort or expense. But it all starts with belief.

Each of the disciples struggled with belief on some level, and they had Jesus right in front of them. We’re all quick to disparage Thomas because he refused to believe that Jesus had risen from the dead until he saw Him face to face. But would you or I have done any better? Can’t you just see Thomas, or yourself, standing in the corner of the Upper Room where all the disciples were huddled in fear waiting on the Romans to take them to jail? I bet his arms were crossed and his fists were clenched. The new season had come and he hated it. He was unsure. It wasn’t fair that Jesus had been killed. Then his perspective changed in an instant. In John 20:24-29, we read this: “A week later His disciples were in the house again, and Thomas was with them. Though the doors were locked, Jesus came and stood among them and said, ‘Peace be with you!’ Then He said to Thomas, ‘Put your finger here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side. Stop doubting and believe’.” Repeat that last sentence to yourself. Stop doubting and believe. It’s a command and a blessing all at once. I think in that moment, Jesus opened Thomas’ hands, mind, and heart to the next season.

The passage continues, “Thomas said to him, ‘My Lord and my God!’ Then Jesus told him, ‘Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed’.” You may believe that the disciples had some advantage that you or I don’t, but Jesus assures us that we will be blessed in a way the disciples were not if we believe in what we can’t always see, feel, or hear. We can’t see the future or know what each season holds, but we are called to believe Romans 8:28 when it says that He will use any season for our good and His glory. Hebrews 12:11 promises a peaceful harvest of right living for those who receive and grow in seasons of discipline.

We also have no reason, no matter how much our brains tell us otherwise, to view a change with the assumption that it will bring something we don’t like or that life will be worse than before it came. Nor should we believe the lie that the season of life coming to an end was so good that nothing else will ever again come close to it. That sense of losing out may define what it means to be human, but Jesus came as proof to show us that there is so much more than we can know, fathom, or understand with our limited capabilities here on earth. Romans 8:6 says, “So letting your sinful nature control your mind leads to death. But letting the Spirit control your mind leads to life and peace.”

As we say goodbye to the summer of 2018, let it be a reminder to you of the good that’s yet to come. No matter what’s in store for your life, the country, the culture, or the world, we can count on a God who loves us more than we can even think or imagine. If you need assurance of that, I encourage you to read Ephesians 3:14-19. And when you do, I encourage you to read it out loud. Stare down your doubts and fears and resolutely proclaim it as often as necessary. Memorize it. And then rest in knowing that it’s a promise that the Holy Spirit will tailor just for you and your season at hand.
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My spine isn’t straight, but most people don’t know that about me. From a casual glance, the untrained eye would have no idea that I have a significant spinal rotation that makes the muscles on the right side of my back and core weaker and less efficient. And while that may sound like a significant issue, it hasn’t held me back from any of my usual physical activities. I’m not a great athlete, my balance isn’t stellar, and I’m definitely a klutz (I’m not sure whether to blame that last one on my spine or not!), but overall, my deformity is not something that’s altered the course of my life.

Until recently, I’ve rarely even thought about this hidden issue. While I have my suspicions, I don’t even know for certain how or when it occurred, which really blows my mind. One would think that if something happened to damage my spine, it would’ve produced enough pain to drive me to the hospital. But the medical professionals I’ve talked to through the years all say it is possible to suffer that kind of spinal trauma and not realize the severity. But as I’ve gotten older (sigh!), the imbalances caused by the rotation are starting to catch up with my mobility and interrupting my sleep. So off to physical therapy I go to re-activate, teach, and strengthen some muscles that have become shorter and weaker ever so subtly day by day, year by year. What once was a hidden, ignored, and unobtrusive oddity quietly morphed into a life-altering, obvious problem that now requires a substantial amount of my time, focus, and energy to correct.

Just as our spines are designed to be the balancing rod of our bodies, so our spiritual backbones are intended to keep our souls pointed in the right direction. The human spine is made up of more than 30 individual bones, all symbiotically connected to the main spinal cord, and our spiritual backbone is no different. There are multiple components of a healthy spiritual spine, from trust and love to patience and purity, and they evolve, respond, and hopefully improve throughout our lives. Of course, the healing of our spiritual injuries and deformities is not as simple as scheduling our next session of physical therapy because God’s rehabilitation of our lives involves every aspect of our beings — bodies, hearts, minds, and souls. And just like my current list of PT exercises, the disciplines God lovingly designed to keep us pointed toward Him are sometimes required in greater dosages.

Although every person is born with a spiritual backbone — the very imprint of the Creator Himself — it is rarely given the attention it deserves and often deteriorates quickly as life bombards us with its challenges, disappointments and temptations. Just as our bodies sometimes cope with stress by making unhealthy adjustments, so our spiritual backbone can rotate or curve, throwing our life out of balance, clouding our judgment, and eventually sending us into a place of atrophy. Most of our culture today is severely lacking any spiritual fortitude and is dominated by fragile emotions, minimal commitment, and self-indulgence. On the other hand, when the soul is rightly aligned, endurance, honor, life balance, maturity, and emotional stability become hallmarks of our lives.

Depending on how we handle life, the hardest of times can leave us with hidden, sometimes irreversible damage. For example, my spiritual backbone bears the marks of deep-seated worry and anxiety, for which I have learned to apply God’s PT repeatedly. Whether its permanent damage from systemic anger, bitterness, doubt, addictions, abuse, lust, greed, control issues, or pride, we all wrestle with one or more chronic weaknesses. Like Paul who battled a “thorn in his side” throughout his ministry, my inclination toward worry may never go away, but through the gradual, repeated application of God’s remedy, my primary weakness has become one of my greatest teachers.

Is your spiritual backbone strong? Is it aligned with Christ? Are there parts of it not facing the right direction? Are you suffering from permanent damage? Most importantly, have you asked the Holy Spirit to reveal your hidden injuries? We all have them in some way, but spiritual health, mobility, and strength can never occur if we don’t ask God to give us the eyes to see how far off we are, to believe in the only true cure, and to understand how to apply the right Biblical therapies and disciplines.

When we are actively trusting in and abiding in Jesus, the Holy Spirit offers us a soul infusion of Christ-like characteristics, even when there has been extreme damage in the past. Galatians calls this infusion, which spreads to every corner of our being, the fruits of the spirit.Galatians 5:22-24 says, “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.” In the Holy Spirit’s power, we can move toward the spiritual backbone God originally intended us to have, regardless of our weaknesses, failures, and mistakes. Our lifestyles will be marked by endurance, committed relationships, compassion, a thirst for holiness, humility, honor, and self-sacrifice for others. But the Great Healer will never force us to take the prescription. He wants us to submit willingly out of complete love, trust, and gratitude for the ultimate sacrifice He made through Jesus on our behalf.

Paul made peace with the thorn in his side, yielding his desires to God. When he did so, he discovered all sufficiency in Christ to the point where he could boast about his weaknesses. Can you imagine walking into a crowded party of both your friends and strangers and loudly proclaiming your greatest weakness? This is the dichotomy of spiritual balance: to accept our weaknesses, but never excuse them. We are called to strive for change and growth, but to learn to be content where God has placed us.  2 Corinthians 12:7-12 (The Message version) puts it so beautifully and clearly:
Because of the extravagance of those revelations, and so I wouldn’t get a big head, I was given the gift of a handicap to keep me in constant touch with my limitations. Satan’s angel did his best to get me down; what he in fact did was push me to my knees. No danger then of walking around high and mighty! At first I didn’t think of it as a gift, and begged God to remove it. Three times I did that, and then he told me,
“My grace is enough; it’s all you need. My strength comes into its own in your weakness.”Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ’s strength moving in on my weakness. Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size—abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become.

Having a spiritual backbone is making peace with your weaknesses, not ignoring them or indulging them, and then letting Jesus transform them into a strong collection of dynamic characteristics that move in concert to more fully believe, trust and love God. When we do, that love will naturally overflow to others around us, inspiring them to develop their own spiritual backbones.
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Birthdays. I often wonder if Jesus celebrated his. Did the disciples ever attempt to throw Him a surprise party or did they realize early on that any attempt to sneak up on Jesus would fail? If they did try it, did Jesus pretend to be surprised to make them feel appreciated or would He have considered that the same as lying? One thing is for sure, I believe Jesus exuded good humor and happiness in His time here on earth. And I have a sneaking suspicion that He loved to laugh. After all, He’s the only perfect human to ever exist, and He embodied all the joy of His Heavenly Father. So if the disciples did throw Him a birthday celebration, I bet He was the life of the party… quite literally. 

This past weekend, I celebrated my own turning of another year, and I couldn’t help but ponder what God thinks of our traditions. Most people celebrate birthdays with gifts. A good meal is universally required. And many people make a wish (or 5, or 10, or more!) when they blow out the candles on their cake. And although I can’t specifically recall a single birthday wish from my last 46 years, I am certain that all of them have been minuscule, miscalculated or misdirected longings compared to the immense pleasure and satisfaction that God truly offers. 

C.S. Lewis, one of my favorite authors, said in his sermon The Weight of Glory, "Indeed, if we consider the unblushing promises of reward and the staggering nature of the rewards promised in the Gospels, it would seem that our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us… like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by an offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.”

One of Satan’s sneakiest ploys is to corrupt the joy of a Christian’s heart by making him or her think that following Christ should be primarily defined and visibly marked by self-sacrifice and deprivation of our deepest of longings. Yes, self-sacrifice is clearly required in the Christian life, but God never asked us to make it the aim of our relationship with Him. No, He makes it clear that the ultimate goal of our relationship with Him should be delighting in Him. When we find ourselves in the rut of duty and self-denial as the end game — a way of just checking off the spiritual to-do list — we are in dangerous territory. Sure, we may be helping others and doing good things, but if the primary outcome isn’t an overflow of pure pleasure and spirit-driven exhilaration, then we could be missing out on the greatest happiness known to man and falling prey to Satan’s greatest deception. 

I grew up in a culture that emphasized the disciplines of faith more than the joy of a relationship with God. As a result, I spent many wasted years honing my skills in Biblical study, prayer, self-sacrifice for others, and scripture memorization. Now, of course, all of these things are very important and valuable, but my upbringing led me down a dangerous path of duty to God versus desiring God. Thankfully, the Holy Spirit led me to discover John Piper’s writings on Christian hedonism and the refreshing reminder that the disciplines of my faith should flow out of me like living water because I love God and others, not because duty dictates my service. Since I was one of those kids that always followed the rules (yes, I was a nerd), it had never clicked in my brain that God wanted me to focus all of my being on delighting in Him and letting the disciplines naturally follow in time with His empowerment, not mine.

Even more astounding, as I determined in my heart to not do anything — not a single “duty,” like reading devotions or volunteering — unless the Holy Spirit created a desire in my heart to do so out of pure love for God, I found that the longings in my life began to radically change over time. It didn’t happen overnight, but I was willing to turn off the voices in my head from my upbringing, and instead take God at His Word. At first it was downright strange to stop doing certain spiritual habits — almost like going to bed without brushing my teeth (just the thought makes my skin crawl!). But I knew in my heart that I had just been following a routine and going through the motions to check things off my list like prayer and quiet time. And then, little by little, as I asked God daily to teach me how to delight in Him, to replace the desires of my heart with His, and to empower me to love Him above all else, He was faithful to create within me a longing like I had never known to spend time with Him. No longer did I have to set a calendar reminder to read the Word. Just like physical hunger, the Holy Spirit was literally changing my nature to crave time with God.

This is the essence of Jesus’ teaching in Matthew 11:28-30 when He said, “My yoke is easy and my burden is light.” The oxen analogy is so brilliant because He’s telling us that while it does take effort to live our lives for Him, when we are surrendered to the Spirit, as illustrated by a farmer driving his team in the fields, the work brings with it a deep satisfaction we would never find on our own. When we go out to plow the fields of life by ourselves without being tethered to a team driven by the Shepherd, everything will seem harder. Through our hard work, our longings may be temporarily satiated, but the deepest desires of our hearts will never go away. We will always crave something more, something bigger, something different. This is why it is fruitless to do good just for good’s sake. One of the most difficult concepts for people in Western culture to grasp is that we were created to be happy, contented, joyful and satisfied. It is not only okay to desire to feel that way, but it is commanded and encouraged by God. “Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.” (Psalm 37:4)

Most of us, however, have a hard time separating the concept of pleasure as a goal from the twisted and contaminated version associated with sinful behaviors and selfish desires. And because it’s counter-cultural to the way most of us were raised, it’s too uncomfortable or difficult to ponder what it might mean to live our lives pursuing the pleasure of God. Even worse, we don’t really believe in our deepest places that the enjoyment of God can hold a candle to the pleasures of indulgence, wealth, fame, or any other worldly or physical pursuits. That’s because all of the pleasures we typically experience reward us in a way that makes us feel better in some way fairly quickly — if not instantaneously. The pleasures of God, however, take much more time to cultivate and our lack of belief, patience and endurance often get in the way before we ever see them come to fruition.

John Piper put it this way: “Christian joy is a good feeling in the soul, produced by the Holy Spirit, as He causes us to see the beauty of Christ in the Word and in the world.” He goes on to explain that delighting in God, which produces real joy and pleasure, is indeed an emotional response we cannot control as the Holy Spirit makes us into a new creation over time. It is true that faith is not a feeling, but the pleasure that comes from our faith is. We cannot fabricate this emotion, nor can we force it — it is supernatural. And it is amazing. It’s worth whatever it takes to experience it. And that’s the beautiful truth of our partnership with God: we commit our hearts to love Him above all else, and He does all the work to make us truly happy about that decision.

If you’re curious to study more about finding pleasure in pursuing God, check out John Piper’s six-part video series on Philippians entitled: Jesus and the Journey to Joy.
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Sometimes an amazing opportunity or idea can appear at what seems like the perfect time and be naturally aligned with your talents, but it turns out to be a mistake after all. Other times, you can have a deep, intuitive feeling of just knowing that it must be the right thing to do, but it can still be a mistake. Whether it’s a big blunder with long-lasting ramifications and or it’s a small, but frustrating one that becomes a complete hassle to get out of later, these kinds of opportunities and ideas often take you by surprise or pop in your head out of the blue, making you inclined to feel like it’s fate or that it’s the hand of God suddenly intervening in your life. It might be a new career path, a volunteer opportunity, a creative idea, a “once in a lifetime” deal on a major purchase, or even a request from someone you admire to serve God.

Any of these incredible possibilities may authentically seem like the right thing to do — without question, analysis or research. And if you were to even think of passing one of them up, one of your friends or co-workers is likely to ask you, “Why would you pass that up? It’s a no-brainer!” So, the pressure mounts both internally and externally to say yes because you don’t want to miss out on something or feel stupid for not accepting the obvious.

I have made these kinds of mistakes repeatedly in different ways and in each instance it usually ends up costing me an unbelievable amount of time, an exhausting level of effort, significant emotional or relational consequences, or unforeseen expenses in a myriad of formats. Many times, I have learned hard but life-changing lessons through these mistakes, but other times I have missed the point entirely and end up doing the same thing all over again. Sigh. A few years ago, for example, I volunteered to serve in a capacity that appeared to be a “no-brainer.” Saying yes also seemed to be so obvious that I didn’t even pause to wonder what the consequences might be if it wasn’t what God wanted me to spend my time on. I just assumed because the opportunity was offered by a visionary and respected leader that it would be the right choice for me. Long story short, it wasn’t. Not even close. And untangling myself from it once I got deeply involved turned out to be next to impossible for quite some time. When it was all over, I couldn’t help but ponder what better tasks God had set aside for me during that time that I had missed out on.

In the classic devotional book My Utmost for Highest, the great theologian Oswald Chambers wrote extensively about learning to live by the Holy Spirit’s guidance and not our own — from the tiniest seemingly inconsequential decisions to the grandest life-altering ones. Because there is no way I can say it better than him, here is a paraphrased passage from the book:

There are times when you cannot understand why you cannot do what you want to do. And sometimes God puts a blank in our lives. Don’t ever try to fill in that blank for Him. Wait on Him to fill it. You may think that you see clearly what God’s will is — a certain action or decision — but never do it on the impulse of that feeling. If you do, you will end up making difficulties that will take years of time to make right. Wait for God’s time to bring it around and He will accomplish it without heartbreak or disappointment. Wait for God to move.

Oswald goes on to talk about the Apostle Peter and his behavior in the days leading up to the crucifixion of Jesus. Peter did not wait on Jesus. In his mind, He had already imagined being tested and succeeding, but the reality didn’t play out that way. He vowed to lay down his life for Jesus, but could not fulfill it as he promised because he did not know himself as Jesus truly knew him. Peter’s natural devotion to Jesus out of his own will and emotions wouldn’t be enough to sustain him when his life was threatened.

The same goes for us. Our natural talents, skills and ability to reason will only carry us so far when making a decision about an idea or opportunity. Yes, God gave us a brain to use it, but His intention was that we submit it to Him for shepherding of the thought process. When we move in the Holy Spirit’s leading, versus our own, every gift we possess has the potential to be empowered by Him. We were created in His image and when we operate within His framework any opportunity or idea can be effectively evaluated through His perspective.

Conversely, there are tireless enemies at work to fool us into thinking that we can — and should — think and react on our own. One of these enemies is ourselves when we operate under the influence of pride. We think that we’re smart enough to handle decisions — especially the tiny ones. And that’s exactly when a tiny thing transforms into a giant ogre and knocks us on our butts. The other enemy has been around since the dawn of time. He slithered into the Garden of Eden with the same bag of tricks he uses today. He whispered a great idea in Eve’s ear. A simply tantalizing and very reasonable idea just popped into her head. The element of surprise is a hallmark of how the Enemy works best. The reason this tactic works so well is that we erroneously think that sudden chances must be acted upon quickly. The Enemy works his evil logic best when we feel that we’re under pressure. “Act now or you’ll lose the opportunity,” he whispers in our ears. Or even more insidious, “This idea just presented itself so suddenly, it must be God talking. You had better obey and do it now.”

New flash for us all, myself included: the Holy Spirit is not a high-pressure salesman. God will always give us time to seek Him. News flash number two: God doesn’t normally provide direction through circumstances alone. If life presents you with a great idea or opportunity, the Holy Spirit will work to provide you with confirmation, usually through specific Scriptures, in prayer, and wise counsel. (If you want to read more about how to hear God’s voice, check out my previous blog post on this topic: part 1 and part 2.)

So let’s go back to Peter for a moment and imagine yourself in his shoes on the night before Jesus was crucified. You have physically walked with the Son of God for three years… seen miracles and even performed some yourself. In your flesh, you might have a feeling that you are “all that and a bag of chips.” You are confident of what God can use you for. You are “mature.” And then, the One whom you believe is the Messiah is suddenly taken from you and brutally beaten. Your confidence is shattered and others look at you with accusing stares. Under pressure, logic tells you to deny that you even know Jesus. After all, self-preservation is paramount at this point. And in an instant, you’ve gone from the height of self-admiration to the pit of self-loathing as you watch Jesus being taken to the cross.

But Peter learned — and so can we — that once we get to the end of ourselves, we will find the beginning of the life He actually intends for us. In John 15, Jesus reveals both the key to letting God make the decisions for our lives and the reward of doing so. Verses 4-5, 11, and 13 say: “Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing … These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full … Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.”

In this amazing chapter, Jesus foreshadows His coming sacrifice and simultaneously counters Peter’s denial with the command to “lay down his life.” He also explains that when we abide in Him, God’s plan for us will be fulfilled. We will bear good fruit by learning to literally breathe, think and move within the framework of our personal relationship with Him. As we abide, He will prune us. It will hurt. But operating under His influence we will be able to see the purpose in the pain and visualize His dreams for us coming true, i.e. the fruit, and ripening into joyous sweetness and savory satisfaction. In this passage of Scripture, Jesus brilliantly covers all of the decisions we’ll face in life — from the smallest to the biggest of all, self-sacrifice for others.

Peter’s transformation after the resurrection gives us all clarity into who we can be if we base our decisions on Jesus’s knowledge of who we are and what’s best for us, rather than our own interpretation and reliance on ourselves. We must determine to reach the end of ourselves and our self-sufficiency in order to realize that there is not a strand of ourselves to rely on again. In that utterly destitute place, we become completely fit to be used by God and receive the Holy Spirit’s wisdom and direction.

Charles E. Hummel in his little booklet Tyranny of the Urgent said, “But the root of all sin is self-sufficiency—independence from the rule of God. When we fail to wait prayerfully for God’s guidance and strength, we are saying with our actions, if not with our words, that we do not need Him. How much of our service is actually a ‘going it alone’?”
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Our natural devotion, abilities, talents, reason and imagination are not enough to bear true spiritual fruit. And if we manage our priorities and make our decisions without taking the proper time — whether it’s a moment or many days — to seek His direction and confirmation, then we will always be straining to produce fake fruit. It might vaguely resemble fruit in some saccharin or plastic kind of way, and we might feel satisfied for a while. But only ideas, opportunities, work and service generated while abiding in Christ will blossom and produce eternity-changing fruit and authentic joyful fulfillment.
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The expression, “You can’t teach an old dog new tricks,” is one of the oldest in modern English language, dating back to the early 1500s. Apparently the doubt about people’s ability to change is so universal, we have dozens of similar expressions across the world and throughout history, like “a leopard can’t change his spots” from the Bible, or “you can’t teach an old monkey how to pull a funny face” from France, or “an old parrot can’t learn to speak” from Spain.

Clearly, most people are more comfortable using animal references to make a joke about their assessment of a person than they are directly addressing the issue. It’s just easier to try and laugh it off than to ponder whether or not we truly believe that a person who frustrates us or has hurt us in the past can really “turn over a new leaf,” to use another common euphemism. (Sorry, I couldn’t resist!)

Many times, we find ourselves falling into one of two mental camps when it comes to the people in our lives, depending on how important they are to us. For some who irritate us or have offended us in the past, we may prefer to avoid thinking about them, their ability to change or not, and simply do our best to evade situations or discussions that may spark certain reactions or behaviors. For others, particularly those who mean the most to us, we can go to the other extreme and spend WAY too much time overanalyzing their words and actions. We constantly try to read between the lines of what they’re saying, or sometimes we don’t let them finish talking because we already think we know what they’re going to say.

Both mental camps are not only unhealthy for us, they are also not where God calls us to hang out.

Unfortunately, I have spent way too much time in both places throughout my life. I have gone out of my way to avoid someone who I don’t believe will ever change, and I have believed the worst about someone based on my own very inaccurate perceptions and erroneous assumptions. I have been known to interrupt someone when I think I know what they’re going to say based on their past behaviors. I have created all kinds of reasons in my mind why someone has or hasn’t done something, and I have assumed that someone doesn’t like me or is angry with me based only on a fleeting look. And all of these barely scratch the surface!

I share all of this so that you know this message is from someone who’s right there in the trenches of life with you. Loving people as God commands us to do so is hard, hard work. John 13:34 says, “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another.” And the fact that we are creatures of habit, often makes that calling even harder. We know our own propensity for bad habits and thoughts, so we make the erroneous assumption on a consistent basis that likewise someone else is acting out of habit or thinking the same way they always do.

In the classic book, Loving God With All Your Mind, Elizabeth George deals with the issue of not believing what other people say or doubting that people can — and do — change. In 1 Corinthians 13, she highlights two convicting principles when it comes to loving others by God’s definition. Verse 5 says love “keeps no record of wrongs” and verse 7 says it “always trusts.” Other translations say love “always believes.” Whenever we make assumptions about what another person says or does, we not only violate these principles of loving them as Jesus would, we stress ourselves out. In a sense, when we question what someone is saying, we are calling him or her a liar in our hearts. By not taking what they say as true and at face value, we are placing ourselves in a position of analysis and judgment, and trying to give ourselves a responsibility that only the Holy Spirit has. We cannot read people’s hearts, minds and motives — no matter how smart, intuitive, and experienced we are. And when we try to do that, we malign them, we cause ourselves emotional stress, and we erode the foundation of trust between us. Imagine how sincere our relationships would be and what good listeners we would become if we spent time truly hearing what another person says to us instead of automatically filtering their words and actions through past mistakes or behaviors.

Philippians 4:8 tells us to think about, or dwell on, only things that are true. That means things that we know are verifiable and clearly true. Not what we speculate. Not what we infer. Not what we imagine. And perhaps, most importantly, not dredging up what happened in the past and assuming that it the same as what’s happening right now. Paul further encourages us to press on in our effort to pursue the Gospel and specifically to forget the past (Philippians 3:12-14). In everything, we are to be forward-looking, believing that God is continually working in us, in others, and in our circumstances to make us new creations for His glory.

Now, I’m sure someone reading this is wondering about discernment. What about wisely protecting yourself from someone who’s repeatedly hurt you? What about someone who has deluded themselves and does say things that aren’t true? Are we supposed to listen to them?

This is where it is critical to understand the difference between Spirit-guided discernment and self-centered judgment. Life presents us with all kinds of complicated situations and relationships, and each of them needs to be approached by praying, studying scripture, and seeking wise counsel when needed. That being said, at the most fundamental level, we can boil the difference between judging others and Godly discernment down to a humble attitude and a loving approach. Martin Luther said that we should preach the Gospel to ourselves daily, in that we are all sinners in need of grace. If our motivations lie anywhere outside of complete humility and love, then we are in danger of judgment. When we have to say something difficult to someone based on what is true, we are not only called to treat them with the same kind of love Jesus did, but also model His humility in our approach. Sure, there are the rare occasions where it wouldn’t be healthy for you, or someone who’s hurt you, to continue a conversation or perhaps even continue the relationship. But God’s word gives explicit instructions in Matthew 18 on how to address conflict and move on in grace. (If you are particularly struggling with a conflict right now, here is ahelpful article that walks through the Biblical process with very practical application.)

For most of life’s daily interactions, however, it really is about acting on what we profess to believe. If we truly believe that God can change people, and if we want to love others like Jesus did, then our actions will reflect that belief. If we truly believe that the Holy Spirit is working in our lives and that our hearts are in His hands, then we can trust that He will take care of what we cannot see, what we do not know, and what people’s true motives are. We only have to yield to the Holy Spirit and let Him give us fresh ears, renewed eyes, and a gentle tongue with every conversation… with our spouses, our kids, our friends, our co-workers, our teammates, our neighbors… simply everyone. Loving others as Jesus did is like changing a leopard’s spots for a human being — it is impossible on our own. But loving others by letting God do the work through us is like teaching an old dog new tricks — it is possible with patience, consistency and repeated obedience.

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Last night I had one of the best surprises at a business meeting – there were two very happy, very slobbery, very furry attendees. Granted, they didn’t have much valuable input as the work group discussed the strategic planning process, but Lola, the Golden Retriever, was young and funny, and Sophia, the elderly Black Lab, was cuddly and attentive. Not only did the meeting go extremely well, but I also left with a warm heart and lots of dog kisses. What more could I possibly want from a two-hour meeting?
 
So right about now, I bet there’s someone out there reading this who would’ve hated my meeting. I once had a boss who despised dogs of any kind. Sad, but true. And I am sure some people would’ve preferred two cats at the meeting instead. But regardless of your animal preferences (or none at all!), there are some amazing lessons our pets can teach us. As I drove home last night to my empty house, I started thinking about our dog and how much I learned during her life.
 
About 18 months ago, we had to say goodbye to our beloved Pug, Livy. In the five days following her departure from our lives, I wrote a short letter to God each day as a way of processing my grief. Last night as I was thinking of Livy, I found the letters tucked away under a book on my nightstand. I had read somewhere that if I focused on being thankful to God for the blessing of having such a treasured furry friend, it would lessen my guilt and help me to move on more easily. I think it did. While I’ve missed Livy’s companionship, I certainly haven’t missed her mounds of hair all over my floor, furniture and clothes. But last night, filled up with all that borrowed puppy love from Lola and Sophia, I couldn’t help but ponder all the spiritual lessons that God taught me through being a dog owner.
 
Letter #1 – Trust in Your Provider
My Heavenly, Generous Father,
Thank you for the life of my sweet dog, Livy. She was such a joy… and a big sacrifice for us, teaching us patience and unconditional love. It’s so humbling to look into the eyes of a creature that looks back at you with 100% trust and dependence. She relied on us for her very existence, yet she never had a single moment of doubt about our dependability for her food, her water, and of course, her toys. There was a warm pillow in the front of the fire in the winter, and a cool bowl of water by the lake in the summer. Just like you do for us, God, we met her every need. There were things she wanted we would never give her – like a second helping of kibble. But, Father, isn’t that how you are with us? Sometimes we question why you don’t give us everything we want, not realizing that there are things too big, too complex or too heavy for us to know or handle. Lord, I am reminded of how my life is in your hands. In my limited human nature, if I am capable of loving my dog this much, how on earth then could I ever doubt how much you love and care for me as your creation… your child? You are all I need, God. Thank you for giving us 11 years with that hairy, lovable, funny mess. We loved her. But as my Provider, I love you more, Jehovah-Jireh. “And my God will supply every need of yours…” Philippians 4:19
 
Letter #2 – Give Endless Grace and Patient Friendship
Dear God,
Thank you for your presence today and the amazing amount of strength you gave me as I came home to an empty house after work. Thinking back on all the years of being a dog owner, I would have spent oodles of time when I got home today taking her for a walk, feeding her, and cleaning up all that hair. Despite all the work that she was, especially in the last couple of years, you gave us lots of grace to keep loving her even though her care took up way more time than we wanted it to. Livy extended us a lot of grace, come to think of it. We stuffed her in that little airplane travel box every Christmas to fly west, and she never complained. We had late day meetings. Date nights. So many times she waited in a kennel and then she would bounce with overflowing happiness when we walked through the door. And now, the grace of our friends and family blows my mind. No one can love your pet the way you do. I can’t even believe how silly we were with finding the perfect toy or playing her favorite song just to watch her dance. So our friends – who must be weary with all our stories and tears – are showering grace upon us over and over, as we talk about our dog incessantly and how special she was. They wait patiently while we chatter on. They even pray for us. God, you are so good for loving us through our friends. And the grace you extend us, God, is unfathomable. It exceeds more than I can comprehend offering someone else. “Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another…” Colossians 3:12-13
 
Letter #3 – See the Wonder Around You
Dear Amazing Creator,
Thank you for the wonder of your creation around me. As I took the road trip today for work, I was reminded of how much you speak in nature, reminding us of how magnificently and intricately you made everything around us. As I think about my dog again, it really is surprising how smart she was and how she learned my habits so well that she seemed to know what I would do next before I even knew. Father, you know me better than I know myself. You knew that I needed to see the splendor of Acadia National Park this week. I whined and complained about having to go on a business trip during a period of loss, but you knew that was exactly what I needed. From the big moose I saw lazily grazing along the highway to the stars over the water by the hotel, your creation wrapped around my heart like a warm blanket, whispering to me of the constancy of your presence in the steady rhythms of nature. My heart is filled with gratitude, God. “But ask the animals what they think – let them teach you… Isn’t it clear that they all know and agree that God is sovereign, that he holds all things in his hand?” Job 12:7-10
 
Letter #4 – Work Hard, Play Hard
Dear King of My Heart,
Thank you for the intensity of creative work and how miraculous it is to be transported to a healthier state by mind-intensive tasks. Everything today required me to be fully present and not spend a second dwelling on any negative thoughts. Thank you for my talents and skills. Help me to always use them with humility and without stingy reservation. It’s funny how dogs don’t hold anything back and always fully focus on whatever they’re doing. When they play, they’re all about having fun. Then when they’re tired, they rest fully and peacefully. Whatever it is, they give 100% and don’t know how to give anything less. One of the funniest things Livy did was chewing her bone. For such a tiny dog, she attacked that thing with the ferocity and enthusiasm of a pit bull. Nothing could distract her until she felt like the job was done. Father, help me to give 100% to the work you set before me. You are glorified when I work as though I am working for you… fully present and completely committed. “For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” Ephesians 2:10
 
Letter # 5 – Take a Breather and Let it Go
Dear Loving Father,
Thank you for a time to rest. To just be. I always used to love watching Livy sleep on her pillow, especially in the winter time in front of a hot wood stove. After breakfast, she’d spend about five minutes making the perfect spot on her bed (I never could figure that process out!) and then curl up into a little tight ball to sleep. About an hour later, she’d stretch and reposition into a looser ball. Finally, somewhere around mid-morning, I’d walk by to find her completely sprawled out, belly up, with her fur warm enough to melt butter on contact. She knew when to rest, but God, sometimes I don’t. Ok, most times I don’t. Working hard is healthy and good, but sometimes I just keep going way beyond necessary. Father, please help me understand the meaning of margin… of breathing room… in my schedule, in my habits, and in my mind. Sometimes I’m amazed that the very task which is supposed to use the least amount of my brain power seems to take the most – trying to go to sleep. Thank you, God, for rest and help me to accept your gift to sleep peacefully without worry or stress. “I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone O Lord, make me dwell in safety.” Psalm 4:8

​Most people who attain legendary status are not usually associated with the virtue of humility. In fact, when we meet someone famous, we are often surprised if they seem down-to-earth and approachable. Of course, a part of this amazement is because we have often elevated them to a pedestal in our own minds. Many times that’s the very reason people who achieve great notoriety are not humble in the first place. People in their immediate circle – their staff, their closest friends, etc. – become prideful because they know someone of position, prestige, accomplishment, or fame. Having worked with quite a few CEOs and celebrities in my career, I have seen over a period of time how the “inner circle” often unknowingly creates a monster or at least the perception of one. Pedestals are tricky things because they are always top heavy and prone to crashing when you least expect it. And the worst part is, when a pedestal falls, it takes a lot of fragile hearts with it.
 
Being on a pedestal was not a problem for Billy Graham, who was one of the most influential and recognizable men of the last century. Millions of people throughout his 70 years of ministry, were touched by his passionate proclamations of the cross. And perhaps millions more were changed by the wise counsel he offered to 12 presidents of the United States since World War II.
 
Yet with a sphere of influence that eclipsed movie stars and the presidents themselves, the most common observation among most of today’s news stories and obituaries – even among the media who might have disliked his message or his perceived political partisanship – was that he exuded humility and grace. Biographer Grant Wacker who wrote America’s Pastor said that Graham once asked why someone would want to write a book about him. After conducting the interview, Wacker mused, “An hour later, driving back down the mountain and thinking about that conversation, I realized that Graham did not deny that he had done important things. He knew better. Yet he was careful to say that the ability to do important things was not really his own. The Lord had given it to him.”
 
Wacker wrote a blog post last year about three key qualities Graham possessed that were critical to his humility. It is insightful and well worth the read. But as I pondered what it takes to protect and exhibit humility, especially at the level of notoriety that Graham had achieved, what really struck me was a critical component missing from the blog post – the equal level of humility and integrity that Graham’s inner circle likewise must have had. To have a life graced with so much personal humility as Graham’s was, he must have had an inner circle who not only understood his proclivities, failures, and mistakes, but also refused to let his fame cloud their clarity of his everyday humanity. And, therefore Graham must have also been willing to be vulnerable and real with them. I have no idea if this was a spoken covenant among them, or if it happened organically, but one thing is certain, it could’ve only been generated by unconditional love for each other, a belief that honesty and compassion are required in equal measure, and commitment to a healthy community.
 
Now, you could say, perhaps it was Graham’s strong humility that guided and nurtured the same virtue in his family, friends and closest staff members. But according to Wacker, Graham’s humility was certainly not perfect, as he was known for name dropping and “relished” being close to powerful people, even though he never sought power for himself. The ironic implication here is that even though Graham had a healthy inner circle who kept him grounded, even he struggled with putting others on a pedestal from time to time.
 
Jesus called the temptation to put others on a pedestal favoritism. I love how blunt he is about it with the rich young ruler in Luke 18. In the parable, a wealthy young man approaches him and asks, “Good Teacher, what must I do to inherit eternal life?” Before Jesus gives him the answer, he says, “Why do you call me good? No one is good except God alone.” For many years, I read that verse and thought, “but Jesus IS God. Why does it sound like he’s denying his identity in this reprimand?” But thanks to the use of study tools like the ESV Study Bible or Bible Gateway, the context of the conversation and Jesus’ gentle sarcasm come alive and make perfect sense. The IVP New Testament Commentary says, “Jesus wants to warn the man not to be impressed by human credentials.” In fact, Jesus was identifying the timeless temptation to put accomplished or talented people up on pedestals. So before Jesus can even answer the man’s question about eternal life, he cautions that the ruler’s clever flattery and reliance on his own intellect is a distraction to the real truth – that Jesus is truly God, not just a good teacher.
 
Regardless of the famous people he hung out with and his own struggles with admiring those in power, one thing is obvious about Billy Graham, he ultimately placed his love and admiration for Christ above all others. He tirelessly proclaimed the Gospel to anyone who would listen. He was unapologetic about the depravity of the human race and its need for redemption, for healing and for the kind of love that never fails. When someone so revered and (almost) universally loved passes on, we are always so tempted to put them on a posthumous pedestal. Let’s not do that with America’s Pastor, but instead thank God for the glorious things he accomplished through a flawed, struggling, “ordinary farm boy,” as Graham was once called. 
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When I was in college, I had the amazing opportunity to live in Brazil for three months. Even now (ahem!) many years later, I can still easily conjure up memories of smiling faces, soft breezes, and laughter over a steaming hot bowl of feijoada (Brazilian stew). The Brazilian people have one of the warmest, most relationship-driven cultures on earth. So it shouldn’t have come as a surprise to me that they have a much more nuanced way of communicating love and affection for each other. But it took a while for my very American mind to grasp that Brazilians don’t casually throw around the word love like we do.
 
For example, they reserve the phrase, “I love you,” almost exclusively for romantic love. Here in America, we move easily and non-distinctly between saying “I love In-N-Out burgers,” to “I love my spouse.” A Brazilian would shake her head and try to coax us into being more careful and tender with that phrase. Even within the realm of romantic love, Brazilians have at least a dozen common, but distinct phrases to express the type and stage of romantic love.
 
The ancient Greeks also had multiple word variations for love, all of which would come in handy to have in the English language today. Some languages have up to 96 words to describe different facets of love. When I read about them, I almost become ashamed of how generic the notion of love is in our everyday vernacular. Like the Brazilians, the ancient Greeks believed that it was important to uniquely recognize the other kinds of love, each of which are distinctly valuable for everyday life. In fact, in Greek myth, the concept of romantic love – eros – comes from a form of “madness” brought about by one of Cupid’s arrows. I think this is particularly insightful, since eros is something that can drive us mad at different points in life. When we have it, we feel exhilarated and driven, sometimes at the expense of logic. And when we don’t have it, we seem to be willing to sacrifice all other kinds of love to get it. It can drive us mad to obtain it, stir crazy if we lose it, and unrealistic about keeping it alive.
 
The other Greek words for love include philia (friendship love), storge (familial love), agape (highest, altruistically-driven or divine love), ludus (flirtatious love), pragma (practical love), and philautia (self-love). Of course, each of these have healthy (pure) and dangerous (sinful) versions, but almost all of them have a role in every life at some point in time.
 
In 1 Corinthians 13, the famous “love chapter” of the Bible, the apostle Paul gives a list of amazing acts of faith, and he concludes with, “but the greatest of these is love.” And you guessed it, he used the Greek word agape to indicate the kind of love he was championing as the best. I find it ironic that this chapter in the Bible is commonly used at weddings (it was in mine!), but that most of us don’t have any idea what Paul is really saying by using the word agape instead of eros, philia, storge or even pragma. Yes, of course, he means that God loves us far more than we can imagine and that we should show that kind of self-less love to others. But there’s even more to his meaning, and it will revolutionize your perspective on all the other types of love. Getting a hold of Paul’s deeper meaning, believing it, and putting into practice, can literally transform every act of love you do from this point forward. Whether faded, lifeless, old, boring, frustrating, or twisted, agape love has the power to make any other type of love new again.
 
To communicate Paul’s deeper meaning, I’m going to quote a movie. I know that may seem irreverent, but sometimes the best way to grasp Biblical principles is through culturally-relevant analogies and stories. That’s why Jesus told so many parables. So here goes. In the movie Dan In Real Life, one of the characters is a teen boy who longs to spend time with his new girlfriend, despite the miles and difficulties between them. When confronted by her father who tells the boy that what he feels is only infatuation, he calmly states with conviction, “love is not a feeling. It is an ability.”
 
This is what Paul is talking about here. Despite anything we face in life… the trials, the joys, seemingly insurmountable odds, stubborn obstacles, the highs of great success … true love is not a feeling, but the ability to love in any circumstance and through any storm. It is a deeply-rooted belief that God’s sacrifice for us makes it possible to love Him back, despite our incredibly flawed humanness. It’s an unwavering faith that when we seek to love Him completely without ambition or agenda, He will, in turn, pour that love back into us. God’s love for us is so pure, so perfect and so enabling, that through Him we have the ability to extend love, grace and selfless behavior to anyone. His love is life-giving, purifying and restoring to all the other types of love. Through Him, we can do all things by His strength according to Philippians 4:13. Outside of His kind of love, our acts of love may have temporary impact, but they will always fall short in one way or another.
 
To bring this all home for Valentines Day, let’s go back to romantic love – eros. No matter where you are today – madly in love, wishing you could find love, desperately wanting to rekindle a faded love, or grieving over love lost – a deeply rooted and applied love for God can transform, purify, enhance, or redeem any of those situations. Like the roses in the picture above, He specializes in making us new (and everything we do) over and over again. In Him you will find abilities you never had. “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.” 2 Corinthians 5:17
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Last week, two music icons of the last century stepped off the stage. Each for different reasons, but both willingly. For Neil Diamond, it was his decision to battle a ferocious disease in private. Elton John simply said he wants to be around his kids more. Regardless of the reasons, they both decided it was time to move on to a new phase of life. Of course, if history is a teacher, then like many other celebs before him, Elton will probably come out of retirement just when we think he’s forever disappeared down the Yellow Brick Road. On the other hand, for Neil, nature has given him less of a choice.
 
Decisions like these should not just happen at the end of an illustrious career or when we hit a certain age. There are times throughout our lives when we all should be pondering the idea of stepping back from something. Walking away from a dream that has run its course and moving on to the next big adventure. The second calling… or the third… or even the fourth. Life is not static, but many of us live like it is. We live like the thing we are really good at is the only thing we can do… or the only thing we are made of and made for. And yet, if we are living life to the fullest, we should constantly be curious about new adventures and following new dreams.
 
But rather than living with open hands, willing to let go of our hard-earned niches of comfort for the next calling, we often succumb to fear, which is driven by that nasty, sneaky little thing called pride. Pride drives fear? Yep. Pride is the slickest, most alluring, most disguised stumbling block known to humankind. Why? Because the majority of the time, we are simply not aware of it. And if we do see it in our lives, it often masquerades as something else. Something positive, acceptable… even highly valued or respected like a strong work ethic or enduring commitment. On the flip side, pride is a master at casting blame elsewhere, so it can become a cozy robe of empathy and self-protection so that others will not see the real you. Instead, they might see someone lacking in self-confidence or pummeled by life’s hardships, thereby showering you with encouragement and attention. Pride, self-centeredness, selfishness, mistrust, a need for control, worry, stubbornness, they are all one in the same… and are roots of fear.
 
So just in case you're thinking that this is only a spiritual phenomenon, stop and think about your workplace. Think about that executive you’ve seen who feels he has earned his high position and has his fists so tightly wound with control that he doesn’t share the limelight or the appreciation. He’s afraid of the next young buck coming along who will make him look old, washed up and behind the times. What about your family life? Perhaps it’s a relation who always tries to control the family’s holiday gatherings. Maybe it’s a sibling or cousin who always has to be the one with a sob story so bad that it sucks all the air out of the room every time you get together. In all these situations, fear has them by the throat because they are ultimately worried about themselves. For the person in a position of leadership, what value will he have if he shares his cherished position and accolades? Who will notice and praise the family member if someone else does it better than her? What if she never does something meaningful again? And for the one who always seems to be the center of attention with a crisis, how will she ever make anyone like her and connect with her for who she really is? Hiding behind our fears may feel comfortable, but it is the most dangerous place to be.
 
Life was not meant to be lived with our fists clenched around the thing that we love the most or gives us self-worth. We are made for more than a career, more than a regarded role in our community, family or church, more than being a parent or even a great spouse. When we let go of the pride, suddenly our fears don’t seem quite so big, and we’re able to loosen our grip, lessen our control, and open lives and hearts up to live with more trust, more hope, and a vastly wider vision of what’s possible. We can begin to see our identity for who God really created us to be, not by what we do, say or generate ourselves. Galatians 4:7 encourages us that we were not created to be slaves to worldly pursuits, but rather heirs of God. And Ephesians 2:10 reminds us that God will always give us something meaningful to do for His glory. No matter what stage of life, we are created for purposeful, exciting kingdom work.
 
Now please don’t think for a minute that this is something I have down pat. But when I see people who have the courage to move forward in life with grace and integrity, it inspires me and reminds me to take a look at my own hands and my grip on life. White-knuckling whatever “stage" God has given you will eventually choke out the spotlight all together. Instead, the abundant life waits for those who willingly share, joyfully receive and sometimes let go completely, trusting that He always has another gift just waiting for them to unwrap when the time is right. That being said, He sometimes allows our hands to be empty for a while on purpose. It is in the empty times, that He better prepares us to become a vessel capable of learning what it’s like to find fulfillment in nothing but the greatest gift of all – His presence. Psalm 16:11 says, “You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.”

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​I’ve often heard it said that “growing old isn’t for sissies.” And as my dear Dad’s health has declined over the last decade, I definitely agree with the expression. The only trouble with the phrase is that we don’t really get to choose whether we grow old or not. Yes, there are things we can do to dramatically impact our odds of living a long time, but ultimately it’s not up to us. For many people, this is a very unnerving thought and they don’t want to contemplate it. Especially if they take the next step in the thought process and ponder spending their final years like my Dad is, completely reliant on others for his daily existence.
 
As humans, we crave to be in control of our own destinies, and most of us would say we want to live a long time. But in most cases, to use another famous expression, we “can’t have our cake and eat it too.” That’s because when anyone of us gets to the point where my father is, we won’t have any control over anything. And when control is taken away, we humans don’t react well. After all, we spend our whole lives trying to find it… display it … exert it. Sometimes control brings us great things and rewards. Sometimes control destroys what we love. It’s a double-edged sword that none of us realizes the addicting power of… until we are totally robbed of it.
 
As I’ve observed my Dad on his journey, I have witnessed some of the most profound moments of quiet courage in the face of what appears to be complete powerlessness. What these moments have taught me most is the value of a well-built life over time. On the day my father checked into the veterans home, suddenly none of his material possessions mattered anymore. What continues to matter, more every day, is his unique hard-earned and carefully nurtured collection of relationships, beliefs, and character traits. These, no one and no illness can ever take from my Dad. Yes, my Dad is a veteran, but these are the things that make him my hero. When I see my Dad in his wheelchair, I don’t see an old soldier. I don’t see a worsening invalid. I don’t even see him as a shadow of his former self. I see a man of quiet courage, who was never a big talker, and now can say hardly anything at all. But he doesn’t need to be able to speak to communicate volumes. A life well-lived and well-built says it all for him. And it’s what makes him stand tall in my eyes, even now. He stands resolutely on a lifetime of building genuine friendships, raising his children to love and respect others, honoring his marriage in good times and bad, offering a kind word and a helping hand to neighbors and strangers alike, and most importantly, living every day humbly walking in trust of God. My Dad is the kind of man willing to recognize that God is in control, and while that knowledge has made him nervous from time to time, he has rarely complained and has always been quick to smile.
 
Today, my Dad can’t smile like most people do. But his faded eyes still gleam with his unquenchable spirit. He still loves Christmas. His eyes literally grin when he sees his infant grandson. He still craves to hear God’s Word read to him. He sinks into peaceful moments when music plays. My Dad is in his last battle, but he is valiantly waging it with integrity and selflessness, not wanting those he loves to suffer even one moment because of his suffering. In this, my Dad is showing his family the love described in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7. This act of courage will forever speak volumes to my heart: “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”