Four Christmases is unlike most holiday movies. No display of schmaltzy, warm holiday traditions or magical Christmas eve snowfall. No tender Hallmark moment of familial bonding or even reconciliation of some kind at the end. Sure, it’s a funny movie – my husband and I watch it almost every year – but unlike most of our cinematic Christmas favorites, it completely bucks the long-held belief that despite dysfunctional relationships and fractured nerves, most people still long to go home for the holidays. (Spoiler alert, sorry!) And while I think anyone who has been impacted by divorce in families will find the movie to be both hilarious and sadly relevant, I am willing to bet most of us in similar circumstances would still have ultimately chosen to see our families at Christmas – especially if we had just welcomed our first child into the world.  

As I flew across the country this week to experience my own multiple Christmases and familiar traditions, I kept seeing evidence of the persistent longing that we have as humans for returning to our roots. Whether the return home happens only in our minds or in reality, we all crave a connection for where we came from and to those with whom our bonds have nothing to do with career achievements, friend counts on Facebook, or the kind of clothes we can afford to wear.   

Over the years, however, the place we call home changes. For the first 30 years of my life, the home I longed for at Christmas more than any other place on earth was my grandmother’s house. But the last one was the last one. And I will never be able to go there again. Since everyone longs to go home for Christmas, then eventually, each one of us has to be the one to sacrifice at some point. For married couples, there's always the discussion of which family home will be chosen for Christmas. And when do we reach the age where our own homes become everyone else’s desired destination? 

As you think about this Christmas, your biological family may not look like what you imagined a few years or decades ago. In fact, your family may not be at all what you dreamed of when you were a kid. Through the years, families morph and change, expand and contract. But no matter what your “blood” family is like, I’ve come to believe that your truest sense of “home” comes not necessarily with those whom you share some genetic connections, but with those you share the most unconditional love. 

That’s why I like to say that I didn't just get married, I was adopted too. I’ve been married for 13 years, and during that time I’ve spent every Christmas with my husband’s family. At one time in my life I could’ve never imagined spending Christmas anywhere but my grandmother’s and now I can’t imagine spending it anywhere other than with my husband’s family.   

My adoption by my husband’s family and my willingness to let God settle my heart into it, is the very picture of what Christmas is all about. This is what Jesus came to earth to do – provide a way for our adoption. Jesus himself was "adopted" by Joseph and Mary. He wasn't their son by natural means, but by divine intervention. He made his home with them. And at the appointed time, he gave his life so that we might also be adopted as God’s sons and daughters. 

The nostalgia most of us feel when we think about going home at Christmas, is really about going to a place of acceptance, love and safety, without the pressures of performance and the other burdens of being a responsible adult. For most people, that’s a return to the warmth of our parents, familiar surroundings and comfortable traditions. And that’s because human beings are literally wired to long for the protection and safety of eternal and unconditional love. We long for these feelings because God created us to long for them. Skeptics often ask, “what evidence is there for God?” The universal longing in human hearts for a heavenly home is the greatest evidence of all. We are all longing for divine adoption and the eternal inheritance waiting for us in our true home with God.

This Christmas, when your nostalgic longings begin stirring, perhaps take a moment to ponder why they pull at your heart in the first place. They are beautiful and deeply spiritual reminders welling up from your soul, intentionally placed there by a Father who would give his all to turn your heart toward his. Like the star over the manger in Bethlehem, let the longings of your heart point toward their true home. During the holidays, it is so easy to cover up the longing with mounds of stuff and to-do lists. The more we pile everything up, the louder we make the music, and the brighter we make the lights, the less we see and hear the truth. Instead, take your longing to the throne room of the One who made you in his image and let him satisfy your deepest need. You may approach the throne as an orphan – disheveled, hurt and disowned – but you will leave a daughter or son of the King of Kings. 

We’ve all been there. Decision time. Whether it’s a big “life decision” like which house to buy or a seemingly small choice like whether to be honest with your friend about her new hairstyle, wouldn’t we all just love it if God’s direction came through loud and clear every time?

The leading of God was simply vivid for the Israelites when they were wandering in the desert. They had a cloud by day and a pillar of fire by night. At other times, God lead them directly through Israel’s kings or prophets. However, as soon as the visible, tangible signs from God were obscured … as soon as the obvious miracles ceased… the Israelites lost sight of God’s light and continually exhibited very short memories. They strayed from God’s path every single time. 

When I am reminded of how clearly God communicated to the Israelites, I admit that I am bit jealous. Aren’t you? Really, just imagine a pillar of fire appearing in your backyard every time you struggled with a choice. You might have some explaining to do to the neighbors, but think of how much easier daily living would be. Of course, that’s assuming that you will heed the direction. In our modern society, we tend to believe that we’ve evolved as a human race to the point that we wouldn’t behave like the Israelites. We confidently assure ourselves that if God literally appeared in fire, wind, clouds, or even sent an angel, that we would do exactly what he tells us to do, versus the Israelites who made so many mistakes they got stuck on 40-year sand safari.  

But we couldn’t be more wrong. That’s because there’s only one difference between us and them. And it has nothing to do with technology, culture or education. 

God manifested Himself in very physical ways in Old Testament times because the Israelites didn’t have the personal indwelling of the Holy Spirit to provide the light from within (and also the conviction to follow through on the direction).

It’s the time of year where we celebrate the coming of the light for all mankind – not just the Israelites. God literally appeared in the form of a baby who grew up and walked with the human race for more than three decades. His ultimate sacrifice paved the way for the light you and I have today as believers. John 1:1,3 says, “In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. In him was life, and the life was the light of men.” And, yes, there are times that the light may seem as dim as a candle on a blustery night. But the beautiful reality is that even a candle is capable illuminating the next small step in front of you. 

The bigger question here, though, isn’t how you hear or see God’s direction, but what do you do with it when you receive it. For example, what would you do in the case of your friend with the new hairstyle when she asks you what you think and it truly looks bad? Telling her the truth in a loving way seems like a small decision compared to buying a house … but is it? Isn’t more revealed about us and our character in the smaller, but clearly stickier, daily decisions of life? The reality is we often build our character little by little over time, especially in the moments that require us to be uncomfortably honest or to squint in the darkness with only a small candle to guide our steps. It is in these times that the character of Christ has the chance to shine the brightest in our lives and God is training our vision to become more focused on His light and not the distractions lurking in the darkness. 

“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” 2 Corinthians 12:9