We live in a world that is quick to condemn and prone to instant reactionary judgment regardless of moral, ethical, religious, or political leanings. Of course, this reality is nothing new, but there are times when it seems far worse and more suffocating than others. The human tendency to react with judgment rather than curiosity, grace, and compassion has been our collective flaw since the dawn of time. And while this post is not at all about politics, but rather the pervasive temptation of condemnation across all facets of our lives, I’ve always been especially grateful that election season immediately precedes the holidays. The founding fathers selected early November because it followed the harvest period and generally came before the consistent arrival of winter weather. But God surely had a hand in giving them that wisdom because after months and months of public incivility, arguing, and communication saturation, we all need to hear the refreshing themes of “good will toward men” and “tis the season to be jolly.”

Liberal, conservative, spiritual, atheistic, wealthy, poor, straight, gay, married, divorced, traditional, or progressive, regardless of our beliefs and convictions, we are all equally capable of making harsh, rash and horribly inaccurate assessments, casting blame, and applying labels to others. If it wasn’t so damaging, the level of polarization on any side of human preference would almost be comical to observe from a neutral perspective. Like the song made famous by Bette Midler, if we could view ourselves from far, far away it would be so much better: “From a distance, we are instruments marching in a common band… From a distance, there is harmony and it echoes through the land. God is watching us, God is watching us … from a distance.” Though I love the fabulous Ms. Bette, she couldn’t be more wrong. God is indeed watching us, but He is certainly not doing it from a distance. As Jesus did when He walked the earth, the Holy Spirit is here among us, trying to work through us, and is mightily grieved by the judgmental, divisive, and abrasive words humans carelessly fling about as though we have an excuse or license to do so. 

Many Christians are fond of reacting to the all-too-common sin of condemnation by saying things like, “love the sinner, hate the sin,” and do their best to make it clear that they are adept at knowing the difference. But unfortunately, even a well-intentioned cliche like that has become horribly maligned and poorly received by the people who don’t believe they are sinning in the first place. That’s because the truth of the matter is, no one will feel that they are loved as long as you hate anything about them. Love and hate simply cannot co-exist in the same heart space. Embracing the attitude of this expression unintentionally, but inherently, links judgment to the action of loving. It makes offering the love conditional in some manner, no matter how much we argue that it doesn’t. We cannot effectively communicate the fullness of love to someone we disagree with if we are telling them that something they are doing is hateful at the same time. All they hear is the hate in our words, and miss our love, even if it’s really there. 

So for those who long to share the love of Christ with others, what are we to do? I’m not writing about this today because I have the complete answer to that question. Because I simply don’t. I only have some clues to share based on two fundamental truths Jesus taught plainly. First, He commands me to love others as I would myself. Second, God asks me to love Him with my whole heart and mind, which means I must try to live by the convictions of the Holy Spirit. As I seek to love Him that way, He makes it clear through His Word and His voice in my heart what He regards as holy, honoring, and pleasing to Him.

One clue I have in reconciling these two truths is that the focus of each is different. Did you notice that the focal point of the first commandment is others? When Jesus gave the command in Mark 12:30-31, He didn’t add any qualifiers to that statement. We are to love our neighbor, who can be any one of any lifestyle, persuasion, political leaning, or faith. On the other hand, the focus of the second commandment is me and my relationship with God. Not your relationship with God. Not my neighbor’s relationship with God, or lack thereof. The only human being on the planet with a heart that I can look into and evaluate is my own. 

The second clue I found in dealing with this conundrum is how Jesus reacted to people in his earthly ministry. I don’t think Jesus would have ever put a word that refers to a person’s eternal soul, a.k.a. the “sinner,” on the same weight and value as a word that refers to their earthly actions, a.k.a. the “sin.” Jesus loved people regardless of their sins, and He grieved over their sins. He even expressed sadness over the sin of those who would ultimately be responsible for His death on the cross. In Luke 13:34, Jesus said, “Jerusalem, Jerusalem, you who kill the prophets and stone those sent to you, how often I have longed to gather your children together, as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, and you were not willing.” When I read that verse, I hear longing in His voice, not anger or words of judgment. 

In story after story in the Gospels, we see Jesus embracing people caught up in habitual sin. The woman at the well. The prostitutes. The tax collectors who cheated people regularly. The woman caught in adultery. And so many more. Never once did He focus on their sins. Instead, He focused on loving them as people first. He knew that after they came to love Him in return, the Holy Spirit would deal with their sins in His time. Of course, it is important to note that He never condoned their sins either. And this is the uncomfortable truth about Jesus’ example that many people carry too far in justifying their own sins or excusing the sins of others. It is a very fine line and one that can only be walked in the power of the Holy Spirit. 

John MacArthur said, “Don't ever let your adoration of the doctrine of sovereignty crowd out God's compassion or replace human responsibility with some kind of fatalism. Jesus wept because of this unwillingness to believe. It grieved His heart and it should grieve ours as well.” Jesus demonstrated grief over those who were blind to the truth of who He was and His offer of abundant life. Jesus allowed people to reject Him. He never forced Himself on anyone. Instead, He grieved over their waywardness, stubbornness, and sinfulness. When we are truly allowing the love of Christ to saturate our hearts, the result is sadness, grace, and compassion for those who refuse to believe, are trapped in habitual sin, or lash out in pain. How can we demand Christian morality from people who don’t love Christ?  

For this reason, I think the phrase “love the sinner, hate the sin” should be banned from Christian vernacular and replaced with simply “love people to Jesus.” If we are truly loving people on their journey to Jesus, then we will grieve as Jesus did over their sin and respond not with judgment, but with compassion. Most importantly, we will be removing any personal responsibility for their sin from our vocabulary. Our actions should be contained to the realm of love, not hate. We cannot convict hearts. We cannot change people. Only Jesus can do that, and when they eventually come to Him, He will most certainly take care of their sins with expert timing and surgical precision. And we must resist thinking that what we believe to be the most egregious sins will be first on Jesus’ cleanup list. Letting Him do His work without our judgment is one of the hardest aspects of Godly love.

So when is it right to speak out about sin? The short answer is only when the Holy Spirit leads us to do so, and we better be very sure of that leading. Jesus demonstrated righteous anger when people committed atrocities in the name of His heavenly Father. He drove the moneychangers out of the temple because they were defiling God’s dwelling place, corrupting what is holy, and taking advantage of the faithful. He had strong words for those who prey upon innocent children, the weak, and less fortunate. Likewise, He spoke sternly and unequivocally against “religious” people wrapped up in hypocrisy, hard-heartedness, pride, and superiority. 

When we do consider sharing our anger or simply calling out someone’s sin, the first question to ask is whether or not the situation or person you want to address is within the church body or outside the faith. There is no question that God calls believers to hold each other accountable for sin, but there is a very specific, prayerful process the Bible gives us to follow when doing so. Here is a brief article on the topic from Lisa Harper.

With those outside of the faith, we look to Jesus’ example of leading them toward God gently with love and not judgment. If you suspect God might be leading you to speak out to a person or stand up for a cause, one of the key indicators is whether or not God is also calling you to take action. Words delivered without some kind of Spirit-directed action are rarely of God. Many of the world’s greatest movements to stop corruption, reform broken systems, and help those in need have been started by Christians called out by God to create change. On the other hand, carelessly flinging accusations, harsh rhetoric, and rants on social media do nothing to change society, unify believers, or stop corruption. Venting, accusing, labeling, and blaming don’t contribute anything but negative consequences, while Spirit-led action can change the world. 

One of Billy Graham’s most famous quotes happened in 1998 right after he had attended a dinner with Bill Clinton during the height of the impeachment crisis. When asked how he could behave so graciously to the President during the event, his response was simply, “It’s the Holy Spirit’s job to convict; it’s God’s job to judge; and it’s our job to love.” Until Jesus returns one day, the world will never be as it appears from a distance. And we will always battle the temptation to judge others. But by striving to do what God has asked us to do — and not the things only He can do — we can be purveyors of love rather than accidental carriers of hate.
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We cannot keep anything secret from God. This statement may seem as indisputably clear as lightning in a night sky, but as many of us have learned the hard way, it is anything but obvious in daily practice. With the exception of Jesus himself, many heroes of the faith — both Biblical and modern-day ones — have succumbed to the lie that no one will find out, care, or be hurt by our secret thoughts and deeds. So I’m not sure why any of the rest of us would ever think that we could keep secrets contained within some boundary of mere human design. 

For many people, the idea of keeping secrets from God does sound ludicrous until they end up getting caught by one they didn’t even know they were keeping. Problems can hibernate under the surface of our lives when we erroneously believe that we are immune to certain temptations because of our maturity or previous track record of success. In other cases, the secret issue may have started out as a completely benign habit, indulgence, or conversation, but slowly crept into sinful territory over weeks, months, or years. Furthermore, a secret doesn’t have to be classified as “big” to create significant havoc when it is finally revealed. All too often, it’s the little things that slowly snowball over time, fed by the darkness we keep them in, that end up causing us the most trouble. Regardless of where they come from or why, no one at any level of maturity or belief is immune to harboring secrets in the heart. 

One thing all believers can count on is that somehow, some way, and at some point, God will always unearth secrets from the hearts of the ones He loves. He paid too high of a price for us, has plans too great to fail, and loves us too much to let our secrets burrow down, deepen the roots of sin, and grow tentacles of destruction in our lives either now or in the distant future. Whether it’s the large-scale public exposure of a mega-church pastor involved in an affair or the seemingly small revelation that a boss has been taking all the credit for her staff’s hard work, God is not only aware of every little detail in our lives (Psalm 139:1-4), He promises without exception that He will work things out for our good and His glory (Romans 8:28). That means the truth will always come out… one way or another. 
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In my own life, I have always been amazed to discover how widespread or deeply connected the impact harboring a secret can be. Earlier this year, my pride lured me into keeping what most people would consider to be a relatively minor secret from my husband, but the Holy Spirit used the incident to teach me how important it is for nothing to come between me and my spouse. When God calls people to serve Him, He takes into account far more than the individual, especially if he or she is married. God’s plan for oneness in marriage means that when He gives direction to one spouse, He intends for the other to have a powerful role as well, even if it’s in the form of prayer support only.

Because it’s not only illustrative of my point, but also because it’s embarrassingly funny, I’ll tell you about the secret I attempted to keep. It all started with a knot in my shoulder while my husband was away traveling on business. Since he wasn’t around to work out the kinks in my muscles, I attempted to knead the knot myself with a massage ball … on the wall. By the time I was finished, the knot was better. The wall was not. I didn’t see the damage to the drywall at first, but later in the shadows of evening light, the divots became startlingly visible. As I stared at them in disbelief, I decided right then and there that I needed to fix them myself. I reasoned out that if my husband had done something to damage one of our walls, he wouldn’t have asked me what to do about it first. He would simply repair it. Therefore, I decided that I wouldn’t say anything when he got home, and if he didn’t notice it, then I would take care of the work myself the next time he was away. Key to this prideful decision on my part was that he had warned me before that it was better to use the massage ball on the floor and not the wall. My pride flared again.

When my husband arrived home that week he didn’t notice the wall damage and I smiled secretly to myself as I imagined being the self-reliant homeowner with mad drywall and paint skills. Determined to take care of my own messes, I began the project as soon as he took another trip. Going to the paint store, I had them mix the exact same color shown on my receipt from our last purchase. This was going to be a breeze, I thought. Oh, how wrong I was. After two rounds of divot repair and sanding, I finally began to paint. It was close. Super close. But not a perfect match. And again, the evening light revealed more than daylight, picking up on the slightly different textures of the patch job just below the fresh coat of paint. I went to bed panicked as the flaws in my logic slowly surfaced in the closing darkness. If I couldn’t make it better, I’d not only have to reveal my mistake, but also acknowledge that my repair skills are woefully lacking. Pride whispered to me again and kept me awake for hours.

The next day, I researched paint feathering and blending. I diluted and tested, diluted and tested again. Before long, my advanced feathering technique had left me with a repair zone more than three times the size of the original set of divots. It was better, but it wasn’t perfect. And I went to bed again with my pride singing a cold lullaby.

When he came home again, I held my breath. And once again, he didn’t notice. So I convinced myself that I’d done a great job, even if I could still see the evidence of my secret every evening as I settled into bed. My pride was telling me to forget about it and just move on. But now, the Holy Spirit was the One keeping me awake. Over the next several weeks, I wrestled with my secret. I worked out various conversational scenarios in my head in case he ever noticed my repair job. And finally, one Saturday morning as we talked about several potential home improvement projects, the Holy Spirit’s conviction became so loud in my heart, it was though He were literally yelling at me. “Tell him. Confess. Not later. Now. Now.” Thinking back on it, I absolutely laugh at myself now, but my heart was pounding that morning.

Finally, I obeyed and revealed my secret repair job to my husband. When I traced the outline of my brilliant feathering technique with my finger, he finally saw it and said with a smile, “When did you accomplish this?” To him, it was not a huge deal. Not nearly what I had made it out to be in my mind. To me, revealing my secret was like being able to breathe again. In the coming days, the Holy Spirit began to remind me of how incredibly important it was for there to be nothing between me and the one I share my life with, just as there is to be nothing between me and my Savior.

One of the most tangible ways God shows His love toward us is through the important people in our lives. The love shared between spouses, family members, friends, and our community of believers is a sacred love. It is the way we show the love of Jesus to each other and to a larger world that is desperately searching for authenticity, hope, and tangible evidence of a caring God. Secrets kill sacred love. They destroy God’s plan for sharing that love. They gnaw away at our peace and threaten to destroy our relationships. Secrets are never contained within just one person, no matter how effective we are at concealing them. They remain an obstacle between us and God, and their existence almost always comes between us and someone we are called to love.

Just look at the devastation that gossip can do to a group of friends, a ministry, a work team, or a neighborhood. Gossip is by its very definition a collection of secrets shared among an elite few. Juicy tidbits passed between friends may seem — and feel — harmless, but there’s probably not a person on earth who hasn’t felt the sting of a careless word or an intentional slam from someone they previously thought to be trustworthy.

God has a high standard regarding secrets. In the early church, there was a couple (Ananias and Sapphira) who volunteered to sell a piece of their property to help those in need. But when Ananias brought the proceeds to the church, God revealed to Peter that the couple had lied about the selling price and had kept some funds for themselves. Acts 5:1-11 records the incident and the tragic results of their secret. When Peter confronted Sapphira, he said, “How could the two of you even think of conspiring to test the Spirit of the Lord like this?” Clearly, he was as baffled as we are as to why they felt the need to lie to God about a contribution that was entirely voluntary. This story reveals the very nature of secrets — they usually arise to cover up something that doesn’t make sense or isn’t right in the first place. Luke 12:2-3 says, “But there is nothing covered up that will not be revealed, and hidden that will not be known. Accordingly, whatever you have said in the dark will be heard in the light, and what you have whispered in the inner rooms will be proclaimed upon the housetops.”​

The human heart wasn’t designed to be a labyrinth of secrets. Rather, it was created to be a throne room for God Himself. As such, any secret we create will take up space that our Heavenly Father longs to fill up with His goodness, beauty, peace, truth, hope, and love. Psalm 51:6 says, “Behold, you delight in truth in the inward being, and you teach me wisdom in the secret heart.” When we become followers of Jesus, the Holy Spirit begins the immediate work of transforming us into a vessel worthy of the King, and He will do anything it takes to make us ready to carry that Good News with everyone we encounter. So when the temptation to hold secrets comes our way, we should do as the Psalmist did, examining our motives in the light of God’s expectations. Psalm 51:10 says, “Create in me a clean heart, and renew a right spirit within me.” And when we surrender all our secrets to God, seeking His desires instead of ours, we are able to discover the power of Psalm 37:4 — it is not the desires of our hearts that make us truly happy, but rather God’s.
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It can manifest itself in hundreds, if not thousands, of forms. It can change multiple times a day or persist throughout a lifetime. You might have a handful of them, a single overriding one, or many similar ones. But no matter which ones you have, every single one of them starts with the same potential — to glorify God, or grow out of control into sin, or linger somewhere in between. 

What is it? The innate desire within us to seek. To hunt. To discover. To chase. From bargain hunters and storm chasers to avid collectors and adrenaline junkies, we are biologically wired and rewarded by the chemicals in our brains to seek out something or someone on a daily basis. It doesn’t matter if it’s a small, seemingly inconsequential quest, such as digging through a bargain bin of DVDs, or a life-long passionate pursuit to discover the cure for a disease, science confirms that almost every waking moment of our lives is dominated by a seeking-oriented task. And when we seek anything — truly anything — research has proven that our brains release at least one of four chemicals in the seeking process, whether it takes 30 seconds or thirty days to be fulfilled. 

Every time we seek something, our brains release dopamine once we attain it. Dopamine is what makes us feel good when we get a reward that meets our needs. If you need the weather report, a tiny amount of dopamine is released once you tap the app on your smartphone and find your forecast. Wow, so doesn’t this explain our smartphone addictions? Since it feels good to search and be rewarded, we often feel subconsciously     driven to search on our smartphones for that next hit of dopamine.

The bigger and longer the search, the greater the dopamine reward when it concludes. If you’ve been seeking the love of your life for 20 years, a huge amount of dopamine is released once you think you’ve found him or her. And here’s the bummer about this chemical and why it drives us so crazy: if we cannot get what we seek, the brain will drive us to pursue it until we do. So, depending on how much you’ve longed for something, you may or may not be able to give up the quest easily or without significant frustration. Again, this explains we get so inexplicably mad when our smartphones fail to produce what we’re searching for.

The other chemicals that may be released, depending on the type of quest, level of risk involved, and value of the reward, are just as much double-edged swords. Just like dopamine, these chemicals motivate us to repeat the behavior in order to feel good. Serotonin gives you a validating feeling when you receive admiration and respect from others. So if the acquisition of whatever you’re seeking is recognized by people you care about, you’ll feel even more gratified. Oxytocin is released when we do something that makes us feel like we belong to a group or experience safety in numbers. Lastly, adrenaline is the rush we feel during a quest that provides a significant thrill. 

Without these chemicals, we wouldn’t be biologically motivated to do anything. Our brains are designed to stimulate these chemicals to spur us into action and get our needs met— from basic survival to advanced intellectual passions. In the process, we learn new skills, achieve something, and hopefully perform with excellence, which in turn makes us feel good enough to try even harder next time. Psalm 139:14 reassures us that no matter what our biology, we were designed for — and capable of — glorifying God when we submit to His leadership of our lives. "I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well."

So if God designed our biology, then we can believe He has a plan for using it for His glory. But before we look at the spiritual prescription for keeping our desire to seek under His control, let’s look at the reasons why it can go awry or out of control in the first place. John 8:31-32 says, "So Jesus said to the Jews who had believed him, ‘If you abide in my word, you are truly my disciples, and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free’.” The more we get to know Jesus and dwell on the truth found only in Him through the Word, the more our eyes will be opened to the reality of our motivations, desires, and hearts. If we want to tame our desire to seek, then we must view it through the lens of truth, shaped by Jesus. 

Seeking is so innate, so natural, that we usually don’t think about it, until a specific quest latches on to our hearts and minds in an unhealthy way and starts causing problems in our jobs, financial health, relationships, daily productivity, etc. Research has identified the primary psychological reasons driving our desire to seek, hunt, and pursue beyond a healthy level. Here are eight of the most common ones:

• To feel like a winner. Pursuing just about anything or anyone can make us feel like we deserve bragging rights. 
• To distract us or procrastinate in order to avoid something we should be doing.
• To entertain ourselves, fight boredom, or produce a sense of escape.  
• To fill a childhood vacuum or obtain something we felt deprived of for a long time. 
• To experience a sense of magic, destiny, fate. Some people get caught up in a quest until it becomes a mystical experience. Take for example this quote from a bargain hunter interviewed for a NY Times article about the thrill of the hunt. "When there’s something I’ve been eyeing and I see it go on sale, it’s like God just sort of put it there for me… You feel like it’s destiny." 
• To feel superior to someone else or to receive accolades at the culmination of the quest. 
• To help tolerate or forget uncomfortable feelings, such as stress, worry, fear, etc. 
• To fill a need for control as a substitute for something we can’t master. 

The bodies God has given us don’t function well in a vacuum; they were originally created to work in harmony with our souls. That means our bodies work best in partnership with the Holy Spirit. (I Corinthians 6:19) God’s solution for controlling our hard-wired urges is for us to stay within the spiritual guardrails of our brain's biological pathways. We’re all guilty of driving right through some of those guardrails at one time or another. Sometimes we don’t even realize that guardrails are necessary in certain areas of our lives. We erroneously believe that we are immune to small or simple urges. Sometimes we think we are too mature to abuse, stumble over, or become obsessive with a quest. Finally, there are times when we need to humble ourselves and learn to rebuild or strengthen the guardrails to keep us out of trouble in the future. 

One of the Holy Spirit’s key functions is to define, build up, and communicate about the guardrails needed in each of our lives. When He’s allowed to have carte blanche reign in your life, the Holy Spirit beautifully engineers guardrails made just for you, tailored to your own unique brain wiring, experiences, and calling. Through the power of the Holy Spirit, biology, talents, skills, life experiences, mistakes, weaknesses, all come together under God’s intricately designed plan for His glory. But, we have to do our part to participate in this constant construction project in our lives, and that is to surrender and obey continually out of love. While these steps aren’t exhaustive by any means, here are six ways to strengthen and honor your spiritual guardrails.

1. Examine your deep-seated beliefs for any lies you may have fallen for regarding your feelings, needs, coping mechanisms, habits, pride, or any other deceptions that feed inappropriate or overblown quests for something or someone. 
2. Acknowledge and commit to the hard work for as long as it takes to stop seeking when you shouldn’t. 
3. Filter every quest through the Word. If there’s anything in scriptures that causes you to pause about something you’ve been seeking, then stop until the Holy Spirit directs you. 
4. Pray about every desire to seek and how you choose to use your time. When a quest for something is starting to go outside of the guardrails, time is often the first red flag before other indicators like money and relationships. Every minute we are breathing is a gift of God, and although we can’t possibly commit to never wasting a moment, we can strive to keep the vast majority of it within God’s guardrails. Of course, don’t forget that God intends us to enjoy life and build in restful margins with the time He gives us. 
5. Get in the habit of realigning your attitude and perspectives with God’s versus the world’s. One of the strongest drivers of our need to seek beyond the guardrails is a lack of contentment. See this blog post for more about finding contentment. 
6. Listen and obey. The best way to clearly see the guardrails and strengthen them is to obey when the Spirit says, “You’re getting too close to the edge right now. Back up.” When we listen and obey, the Holy Spirit strengthens our desire to seek Him first. 

​Jesus understands our desire to continuously seek because He fully experienced being a human just like us. So that means His brain released the same chemicals ours does. He got a dopamine rush when Joseph told him that He did a good job carving a piece of wood. He was flooded with serotonin and oxytocin when He hung out with the disciples and gave the sermon on the mount. He felt the adrenaline when He stood up and spoke in the synagogue for the first time. Sometimes I think we forget that Jesus was fully human and fully God at the same time. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that He said in Matthew 6:33, “But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.”

​Jesus was wired to seek, the same way we are, so He knows how to lead us away from temptation and into glorifying the Father the way He did. 1 Corinthians 10:13 gives us this assurance: "No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and He will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation, He will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.” We don’t have to be mastered by our biological need to seek. Instead, we can learn to master it by being willing to see — and seize — God’s escape hatch for genuine fulfillment. 
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For almost six weeks this summer, my house was like a B&B with a string of out of town guests. Believe it or not, I had a great time playing hostess, baking early morning wild blueberry scones, making sure that each visitor had all the essentials, and checking the weather for any impact on our plans. Now, I don’t really consider myself overly gifted in the hospitality department, but I have to admit that my inner Martha Stewart emerged just a tiny bit, minus the over-the-top decorations and crafting projects. At the end of each day, I wanted to go to bed knowing that they had a good time, ate some amazing food, and felt comfortable enough to truly relax.

Despite this, after about the third week of welcoming family and friends, I was surprised to find myself struggling emotionally without the familiar comfort of some of my usual habits. In order to accommodate the desires and schedules of a houseful of vacationers, there were some routines I just had to temporarily give up. A few of my emotions were far stronger than I would have anticipated, and this realization made me stop and ask myself if I was just becoming too set in my ways (i.e. old!) to be flexible or if the power of my repetitive behaviors was far greater than I realized.

Then I recalled a quote from a research-driven book that I read a few years ago called The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg: “(Habits) shape our lives far more than we realize — they are so strong, in fact, that they cause our brains to cling to them at the exclusion of all else, including common sense.” Phew! It’s not necessarily that I am getting old. I felt immediately better. But now I still had to figure out what to do about the emotions I was wrestling with since my life wouldn’t return to normal for several more weeks and, above all, I wanted to make everyone feel comfortable. I mean, who would want to come back to a cranky person’s house for vacation?

As I pondered this, I came to realize how many of the habits I was missing at the moment had a direct connection to my sense of place… my home. When I’ve gone away on vacation, it’s always been easier to forgo some of my routines because I am simply not in the usual place where they occur. This fact is actually a detriment to some of my good habits that also go out the window when I’m traveling, like eating right. Sigh. But being out of routine in the place where you dwell is naturally unsettling and both our bodies and minds immediately experience dissonance when a familiar environment becomes inhospitable to our habits. This is exactly why changing our bad habits is so hard in the first place. We are conditioned to them and our minds and bodies naturally return to them, especially in times of weakness, stress or sadness. According to Duhigg, “Habits, scientists say, emerge because the brain is constantly looking for ways to save effort. Left to its own devices, the brain will try to make almost any routine into a habit, because habits allow our minds to ramp down more often.”

Hebrews 12 is one of my favorite scripture passages about the importance of keeping good habits and working to change the bad ones. In verse 11, we find incredible encouragement: “For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.” Being watchful of our habits and making tough changes to our routines can only be done through continuous training. I placed this verse on my wall above my computer last year following a major career shift in my life. After 25 years of ingrained work patterns, disciplines, and routines, my productivity was virtually paralyzed without familiar surroundings, expectations, people, or schedules. Knowing that Jesus was working to bring about “a peaceful harvest of right living” inside of me, as the New Living Translation phrases it, sustained me through months and months of feeling like a fish out of water even though I was sitting in my own home office.

Paul goes on to say in verse 12: “Therefore lift your drooping hands and strengthen your weak knees, and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be put out of joint but rather be healed.” The Holy Spirit is with us to lift us up, empower us, and give us the endurance to make hard changes and then stick with healthy habits of all kinds, no matter whether they are spiritual, physical, or relational in nature. Paul had firsthand experience with replacing bad habits with new ones. Imagine the changes that he had to make when he abandoned his life as a Jewish persecutor of Christians and became a Christ-follower himself. Every habit, schedule, expectation and routine he possessed needed to change. And when you’re facing a mountain of changes all at once, there’s nothing Satan wants to achieve more than to bring you down and make you feel weak in the knees. That’s when we lift our tired and weary hands regardless of our emotions and sing praises to the One who will always lift our heart and our hands. Psalm 64:10 says to make praise your habit because God is always at work, and Psalm 3:3 says He is the lifter of our heads.

We are promised success when we honor God with our lives as living sacrifices, which is the same thing as turning our daily habits, goals, resources, and time over to Him to direct and manage for His purposes. 1 Timothy 1:7 says, “For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.” As believers, we have the power inside of us to change any habit and cultivate lives that point to Jesus. I am reminded of this everyday before I exercise. I don’t want to exercise. As a matter of fact, I dread it. Daily. But there’s no room for laziness when committing to a good, but a difficult habit to maintain. If I let just one day go, with the exception of simply being unable to exercise due to something like illness, then I suddenly find that it’s even easier to let the second day slide, and the third day after that… and before I know it, I’ve fallen off the fitness wagon and onto my couch… with a bag of chips. And maybe some Ben & Jerry’s. Not good. Mental habits are no exception to laziness either. As a continually recovering worrier, I must exercise the muscles of my mind every day to avoid sliding into anxiety or negative thoughts. Yes, there are days I fail at exercise and at cultivating a peaceful heart, but deep diving into scripture meditation and prayer are good habits that also act as guardrails to keep me from completely sliding off the cliffs of laziness, complacency, and discouragement.

So I bet you’re still wondering how I avoided turning into Oscar the Grouch with my guests. Well, like any would-be novelist with a strong imagination, I simply pretended. For the last few weeks, at least in my mind, we were all on vacation together at a rental house that I picked out with our specific guests in mind. I still felt somewhat responsible to entertain and accommodate, but I suddenly wanted to do all the things I loved on vacation too, like getting lost in a really good summer novel. I ended up being more relaxed and less bothered by my missing routines.

Now I sit here writing this in an empty house, with one of my favorite afternoon habits — a cup of hot green cinnamon tea. The instrumental music is playing to help me write… everything is quiet and everyone is gone. Back to their jobs, schools, homes… and their own habits and routines. And I am back to mine. Only this time, I have determined to set fresh eyes on my habits with renewed inspiration to make some adjustments. One of my favorite quotes is from David Mathis who wrote Habits of Grace, “Your habits are, in fact, one of the most important things about you. Those repeated actions you take over and over, almost mindlessly, reveal your true self over time as much as anything else.” Being reminded of how powerful my habits are and how important God’s calling should be in my life, has made me realize the very things I don’t usually think about are some of the most critical things to actually spend time thinking about. Taming our habits is certainly not easy, but yielding to the Holy Spirit to help us do it gives us a power that’s even greater than the force of the habits themselves.

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Sometimes an amazing opportunity or idea can appear at what seems like the perfect time and be naturally aligned with your talents, but it turns out to be a mistake after all. Other times, you can have a deep, intuitive feeling of just knowing that it must be the right thing to do, but it can still be a mistake. Whether it’s a big blunder with long-lasting ramifications and or it’s a small, but frustrating one that becomes a complete hassle to get out of later, these kinds of opportunities and ideas often take you by surprise or pop in your head out of the blue, making you inclined to feel like it’s fate or that it’s the hand of God suddenly intervening in your life. It might be a new career path, a volunteer opportunity, a creative idea, a “once in a lifetime” deal on a major purchase, or even a request from someone you admire to serve God.

Any of these incredible possibilities may authentically seem like the right thing to do — without question, analysis or research. And if you were to even think of passing one of them up, one of your friends or co-workers is likely to ask you, “Why would you pass that up? It’s a no-brainer!” So, the pressure mounts both internally and externally to say yes because you don’t want to miss out on something or feel stupid for not accepting the obvious.

I have made these kinds of mistakes repeatedly in different ways and in each instance it usually ends up costing me an unbelievable amount of time, an exhausting level of effort, significant emotional or relational consequences, or unforeseen expenses in a myriad of formats. Many times, I have learned hard but life-changing lessons through these mistakes, but other times I have missed the point entirely and end up doing the same thing all over again. Sigh. A few years ago, for example, I volunteered to serve in a capacity that appeared to be a “no-brainer.” Saying yes also seemed to be so obvious that I didn’t even pause to wonder what the consequences might be if it wasn’t what God wanted me to spend my time on. I just assumed because the opportunity was offered by a visionary and respected leader that it would be the right choice for me. Long story short, it wasn’t. Not even close. And untangling myself from it once I got deeply involved turned out to be next to impossible for quite some time. When it was all over, I couldn’t help but ponder what better tasks God had set aside for me during that time that I had missed out on.

In the classic devotional book My Utmost for Highest, the great theologian Oswald Chambers wrote extensively about learning to live by the Holy Spirit’s guidance and not our own — from the tiniest seemingly inconsequential decisions to the grandest life-altering ones. Because there is no way I can say it better than him, here is a paraphrased passage from the book:

There are times when you cannot understand why you cannot do what you want to do. And sometimes God puts a blank in our lives. Don’t ever try to fill in that blank for Him. Wait on Him to fill it. You may think that you see clearly what God’s will is — a certain action or decision — but never do it on the impulse of that feeling. If you do, you will end up making difficulties that will take years of time to make right. Wait for God’s time to bring it around and He will accomplish it without heartbreak or disappointment. Wait for God to move.

Oswald goes on to talk about the Apostle Peter and his behavior in the days leading up to the crucifixion of Jesus. Peter did not wait on Jesus. In his mind, He had already imagined being tested and succeeding, but the reality didn’t play out that way. He vowed to lay down his life for Jesus, but could not fulfill it as he promised because he did not know himself as Jesus truly knew him. Peter’s natural devotion to Jesus out of his own will and emotions wouldn’t be enough to sustain him when his life was threatened.

The same goes for us. Our natural talents, skills and ability to reason will only carry us so far when making a decision about an idea or opportunity. Yes, God gave us a brain to use it, but His intention was that we submit it to Him for shepherding of the thought process. When we move in the Holy Spirit’s leading, versus our own, every gift we possess has the potential to be empowered by Him. We were created in His image and when we operate within His framework any opportunity or idea can be effectively evaluated through His perspective.

Conversely, there are tireless enemies at work to fool us into thinking that we can — and should — think and react on our own. One of these enemies is ourselves when we operate under the influence of pride. We think that we’re smart enough to handle decisions — especially the tiny ones. And that’s exactly when a tiny thing transforms into a giant ogre and knocks us on our butts. The other enemy has been around since the dawn of time. He slithered into the Garden of Eden with the same bag of tricks he uses today. He whispered a great idea in Eve’s ear. A simply tantalizing and very reasonable idea just popped into her head. The element of surprise is a hallmark of how the Enemy works best. The reason this tactic works so well is that we erroneously think that sudden chances must be acted upon quickly. The Enemy works his evil logic best when we feel that we’re under pressure. “Act now or you’ll lose the opportunity,” he whispers in our ears. Or even more insidious, “This idea just presented itself so suddenly, it must be God talking. You had better obey and do it now.”

New flash for us all, myself included: the Holy Spirit is not a high-pressure salesman. God will always give us time to seek Him. News flash number two: God doesn’t normally provide direction through circumstances alone. If life presents you with a great idea or opportunity, the Holy Spirit will work to provide you with confirmation, usually through specific Scriptures, in prayer, and wise counsel. (If you want to read more about how to hear God’s voice, check out my previous blog post on this topic: part 1 and part 2.)

So let’s go back to Peter for a moment and imagine yourself in his shoes on the night before Jesus was crucified. You have physically walked with the Son of God for three years… seen miracles and even performed some yourself. In your flesh, you might have a feeling that you are “all that and a bag of chips.” You are confident of what God can use you for. You are “mature.” And then, the One whom you believe is the Messiah is suddenly taken from you and brutally beaten. Your confidence is shattered and others look at you with accusing stares. Under pressure, logic tells you to deny that you even know Jesus. After all, self-preservation is paramount at this point. And in an instant, you’ve gone from the height of self-admiration to the pit of self-loathing as you watch Jesus being taken to the cross.

But Peter learned — and so can we — that once we get to the end of ourselves, we will find the beginning of the life He actually intends for us. In John 15, Jesus reveals both the key to letting God make the decisions for our lives and the reward of doing so. Verses 4-5, 11, and 13 say: “Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing … These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full … Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.”

In this amazing chapter, Jesus foreshadows His coming sacrifice and simultaneously counters Peter’s denial with the command to “lay down his life.” He also explains that when we abide in Him, God’s plan for us will be fulfilled. We will bear good fruit by learning to literally breathe, think and move within the framework of our personal relationship with Him. As we abide, He will prune us. It will hurt. But operating under His influence we will be able to see the purpose in the pain and visualize His dreams for us coming true, i.e. the fruit, and ripening into joyous sweetness and savory satisfaction. In this passage of Scripture, Jesus brilliantly covers all of the decisions we’ll face in life — from the smallest to the biggest of all, self-sacrifice for others.

Peter’s transformation after the resurrection gives us all clarity into who we can be if we base our decisions on Jesus’s knowledge of who we are and what’s best for us, rather than our own interpretation and reliance on ourselves. We must determine to reach the end of ourselves and our self-sufficiency in order to realize that there is not a strand of ourselves to rely on again. In that utterly destitute place, we become completely fit to be used by God and receive the Holy Spirit’s wisdom and direction.

Charles E. Hummel in his little booklet Tyranny of the Urgent said, “But the root of all sin is self-sufficiency—independence from the rule of God. When we fail to wait prayerfully for God’s guidance and strength, we are saying with our actions, if not with our words, that we do not need Him. How much of our service is actually a ‘going it alone’?”
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Our natural devotion, abilities, talents, reason and imagination are not enough to bear true spiritual fruit. And if we manage our priorities and make our decisions without taking the proper time — whether it’s a moment or many days — to seek His direction and confirmation, then we will always be straining to produce fake fruit. It might vaguely resemble fruit in some saccharin or plastic kind of way, and we might feel satisfied for a while. But only ideas, opportunities, work and service generated while abiding in Christ will blossom and produce eternity-changing fruit and authentic joyful fulfillment.
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Every now and then we wake up to a different world from the night before. When we went to bed yesterday evening, things might have been normal, stable, or even occasionally boring. But upon rising the next day, we wake to find out someone or something has changed suddenly, forever altering the course of their lives, ours, or both. A phone call you would never want to receive. A breaking newscast you would never want to see. A routine doctor’s visit that turns into an unexpected concern. A heated or hurtful disagreement with a trusted co-worker, friend or family member. It’s these kinds of upheavals that shake us out of our comfort zones, reveal our delusions, and threaten to create fissures in our faith. 

In every one of life’s disturbing moments, we have the opportunity to view everything that happens through the lens of a belief in a sovereign and loving God, or through our own human perspective. Of course, the problem that confronts every single one of us — from pastors to atheists — is our humanity itself. The human experience is all we naturally know or can understand. It is all we can physically see, touch, and manipulate. Sure, for some, an experience with the supernatural occurs. For others, a belief that miracles are possible comes more easily. But for the vast majority of people, we are indelibly marked with the limitations of our physical existence and struggle mightily to trust a God we cannot see during times of suffering, waiting on the unknown, grief, or extreme disappointment. 

Ironically, what we each struggle with the most can vary wildly from person to person, yet the ultimate effects on our faith and trust are universally similar. One person may be the most shaken by a health crisis, but weathers extreme financial hardship with relative ease. Another may worry excessively about relationships and pleasing others, but doesn’t fret a moment about going through a job layoff. Yet no matter what particular issue scares you or worries you the most, the challenge is the same: how to trust God and effectively receive His supernatural peace and contentment in any type of hardship or struggle. 

Our Natural Inclinations Deceive Us
Perhaps most disheartening is when we think we’ve made progress in our greatest area of "trust weakness,”and then our world is shaken in a way that sends us back to the edge of a downward spiral of doubt, fear, worry and future-tripping. “But, God, I thought I was past this,” we often plead in prayer. And this is it — this is the big moment. This is the place where we are at the most pivotal and potentially amazing point in our journey of faith. Sadly, though, many of us pivot the wrong way. The way we are naturally inclined to go… deep into a pit. Our biological capacity to reason, analyze, speculate, and wonder starts literally screaming at us. Humans do not tolerate the unknown or discomfort easily. The mind is inclined to nag and nag until it can find relief or determine the answer. And because it’s all we physically know, it simply feels like the right action to take. So the pit of worry, despair, anger or discontentment is often lined with shelves stocked with counterfeit “products” promising comfort and peace, like denial, over analysis, future-tripping, wallowing in the past, over-eating and junk food indulgence, drinking too much, gossiping, working too much, and whatever else seems to make us feel temporarily better or helps us forget about our problems. 

And there’s one additional thing that bombards us during difficult times — temptation. The enemy of God knows that when we are at the pivot point in times of crisis, we are prime targets to be tempted by false comforts and counterfeit peace. And if he can use any of those tricks to hook us for long-term, then he’ll do it. So if these pivot points represent such great danger, why does God allow them in our lives? If He is sovereign and loves us, why doesn’t He always and instantly flood us physically with His supernatural peace and contentment instead of permitting us to struggle with finding it during times of hardship and mental distress? 

Natural Creation vs. the New Creation
Put simply, it’s because our loving Father wants us to learn to pivot toward Him and away from the natural inclinations we have toward the pit. Yes, of course, He could supernaturally turn us toward Him. And there are times where that will happen in life. But He created us with a free will to choose to turn to Him. We can choose to trust Him and love Him… or not. The Bible makes it clear that God created us in His image to have fellowship with Him, not to be robots who only love Him because we have to do so. And this is the paradox of the gift of free will: we can choose to remain in our naturally flawed sinful human state, or we can pursue His promise that when we pivot toward Him we will be a new creation as promised in 2 Corinthians 5:17. 

The trouble with our perspective is that we can only see through the eyes of natural creation. It is not possible to experience the reward of supernatural peace and contentment without first making the choice to pivot toward being a new creation. This is why Paul tells us in Hebrews 11:1 that the essence of faith is believing in something we cannot see. Our natural state wants instant gratification. We want to feel the promised peace before we take the risk of trusting. God says we need to make the choice to trust Him, obey what He has asks us to do (i.e. not to worry), and THEN He’ll shower us with the supernatural peace and contentment we need to endure the hardship, learn from the experience, grow in our faith, and then love others by helping them through similar struggles. Later in that same chapter of Hebrews, Paul gives detailed examples of faith put into action before the actual promises were fulfilled. From Abraham leaving his homeland to Rahab courageously putting her life on the line for strangers, we are assured that God’s promises are always fulfilled, even when we can’t see or fathom how with our own minds.  

Temptations and Promises are Mirror Images of Each Other
I don’t think a single one of us would give into the temptation of worry, anger, bitterness, resentment, despair, etc., if we could experience the real consequences of those sins BEFORE we choose to give in. Even though a temptation may be familiar, it will always be enticing because it appears to offer relief, peace, comfort or pleasure. And our natural minds gravitate toward anything that provides instant gratification versus hard work. Temptations are Satan’s counterfeits of God’s promises. And just like God’s promises, the real impact of indulging in those temptations can’t be experienced before we actually commit the sin. Of course, the real impact of God’s promises is always for our good. The real impact of sin is always to our detriment. Temptations — whether they come from within ourselves or from Satan — are designed to lure us without any resistance and obscure the consequences. That is the very nature of their structure and intention. God’s promises are designed to teach us to love Him better and they clearly declare the rewards of doing so. In either case — temptation or promise — we don’t experience the ultimate outcome until we’ve actually committed the act. 

God Gives Us Choices in Order to Bless Us
There is no greater love than what our Father has for us. He gave up a part of Himself in the person of Jesus to ensure that we can make a choice for eternity with Him forever. We can freely choose to love Him, and the more we learn to love Him, the more we will experience glimpses of our eternal home while we’re here on earth. Jesus said we will have trials of many kinds, but every single one of them —without fail — comes with a choice and a promise for those who pivot in the right direction. I’ve pivoted into the pit countless times. And usually it’s the same pit over and over and over. I am sick and tired of that pit. But each time I choose to pivot away from the pit — even if it’s just for a few minutes, a few days, or even months at a time — the Holy Spirit’s guidance, peaceful presence, and empowerment in my life becomes more consistent. Sometimes, my natural mind doesn’t see the spiritual improvement, it easily forgets how far I’ve come, and reverts back to the old creation in a heartbeat. But the grace of Jesus is boundless and incomprehensible. And He always wants me back. 

King David pivoted into pits. A lot. And yet the Bible calls him “a man after God’s own heart.” He said in Psalm 40:2, "He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.” This is a promise you and I can bank on. There’s no need to spend time blaming yourself when you revert back into a familiar pit. Instead, kick Satan’s guilt and incrimination to the curb, and give a freedom cry at the top of your lungs, “I have a choice to be free of (fill in the blank), and I choose to love and trust Jesus in this moment.” Believe me, you may find yourself asking for forgiveness for not trusting God many times over. The Holy Spirit will certainly convict your heart to make you aware of that sin, but He will never, ever make you feel guilty for coming back to Him. 

Jesus Stood at the Edge of the Pit Too
Trusting in the unseen rewards of God’s promises is hard with human eyes. Jesus never denied that, in fact He was sympathetic to our plight and confirmed His compassion for us over and over while He walked the earth. Even He struggled to the point of sweating drops of blood the night before He was arrested by soldiers in the Garden of Gethsemane. We have a loving Father that has experienced what it’s like to be human in the most excruciating circumstances. The pit Jesus stood on the edge of was the greatest chasm in human history. So next time you’re facing suffering, waiting, and hardships of any kind, arm yourself to pivot away from the pit. God gives us the tools we need to learn and grow if we choose to use them. There is nothing that can come at us, that He doesn’t intimately understand and empathize with. 1 Corinthians 10:13 says, "No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.” In context, this means that when we operate in cooperation with the Holy Spirit, He will give us eyes to see what we cannot, if we believe. Through prayer, studying and memorizing God’s Word, and meditating on His Truths, we become stronger and smarter with each choice we make. None of this means, however, that the pits won’t continue to pop up throughout our lives, but it does mean that we will gradually become more like Jesus was in His ability to overcome them. 

The courage to face our fears and pivot from life's pits is best summed up by the end of Romans Chapter 8. “What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things? No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
Amen indeed. 
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Every now and then I come across an author who is so quotable I end up highlighting the entire book. Whether it's because the topic is feeding a soul-deep hunger I didn't know I had or the author is simply talented, books like these become my own personal tools helping me improve my life over and over.
 
One such book I only recently discovered – The Art of Divine Contentment by Thomas Watson – has been around for almost four centuries, but its rules for learning how to find contentment in life are just as relevant today as they were in 1653. I guess it doesn't matter whether you are grumbling because you can't afford the newest iPhone or your team of oxen won't plow your field fast enough, learning to be content with what we have and what life brings us is an age-old problem for any generation. Rather than writing about all the reasons why you should desire contentment in both good times and bad, I'm assuming that almost anyone would want to experience daily joy and peace versus a life brimming over with dissatisfaction, complaining, and persistent unfulfilled longings.
 
For a self-confessed word nerd like me, the ornate language in Mr. Watson's book makes his quotes all the more intriguing and beautiful. However, I don't want 400 years of change in the English language to get in the way of wisdom, so I've taken the liberty of paraphrasing his rules here. By the way, in case you want to read the book, he actually published 18 rules, but I didn't think anyone would read a blog post that long, so I consolidated them into 10. And if your mind starts filling with objections as to why you can't feel contentment right now, he even has a chapter on objections and how to overcome them. Don't worry, he doesn't include ancient agrarian frustrations like misbehaving oxen, but rather serious impediments we can still relate to like a financial loss, death of a loved one, and betrayal by a friend. Life has changed dramatically in the last four centuries, but when it comes to matters of the heart, most everything is the same. So without further ado, here are the 10 rules.
 
Rule #1: Put your faith in action
All discontentment is rooted in unbelief. Having faith that God is trustworthy, that He is aware of your situation, and desires to help you through whatever life brings you, is the antidote to unfulfilled cravings and feelings of entitlement. When we determine in our hearts to trust that God knows what He is doing better than us, we put our faith in action. Psalm 84:11 says "The Lord bestows favor and honor. No good thing does He withhold from those who walk uprightly." The problem is that we think we know what is more good for us than God does. And here comes one of my favorite Watson quote: "We imagine a certain condition of life as good for us, but if we were our own carvers, we should often cut the worst piece. We often see things in our own light, but if we could sort out and portion out our own comforts, we would get it wrong." When we choose belief, we'll be able to receive the best portion.
 
Rule #2: Work for God, not for money or your boss
When we focus on serving God in every little thing we do, and we labor so that He will be glorified in our lives, versus money, achievement or accolades, and then everything else falls into place. As Steven Curtis Chapman sings, "whether you're flipping burgers or cooking up mergers, do it all for Him," and discover contentment in the fruits of your labors, no matter how meager or huge they may be.
 
Rule #3: Strive for humility
If unbelief is the root of discontentment then pride is its food and water. Pride can make a fledgling unbelief blossom into a full grown thorn bush of discontentment, grumbling, and pessimism. "When you lay humility for your foundation, contentment will be the superstructure," according to Watson.
 
Rule #4 Delight in the right things
When we ask God to replace the desires of our hearts with His, we will be gradually transformed into vessels of joy and generosity, overflowing with satisfaction in our work, our relationships, and our financial situation. Meditate on Psalm 37:4 and discover real delight.
 
Rule #5 Stay positive
At first blush, this sounds like a cop-out rule, right? But Watson asks, "who looks at the backside of a painting?" Instead, he admonishes us to focus on what's beautiful, lovely, true, excellent, and praiseworthy. When we discipline our thought life according to Philippians 4:8, the Biblical promise of transformation can occur.
 
Rule #6 Don't place your hope in people or things
Everything in our culture today revolves around the idea of doing whatever it takes to make yourself happy. But happiness is a feeling and contentment is a virtue. Happiness is temporary and contentment is a state of being that breeds peace and trust. When we look to people, things, jobs, circumstances or money to make us happy, we will eventually be disappointed and even emptier than before. "The foundation of contentment must be within yourself. The word for contentment in scripture signifies self-sufficiency," Watson says. When you place your hope in God's promises and direction, you will have strength and endurance from within.
 
Rule #7 Compare yourself to others the right way
Comparing yourself to others is like walking on thin ice, you might fall through into a well of envy and end up drowning in discontentment. However, Watson encourages us to compare ourselves to others in light of Christ's sacrifice and how He's called us to honor and serve them as He would have. Jesus washed the disciple's feet, which was considered the lowliest act for the lowliest servant of the household. (This Rule is actually #10 in Watson's book, and it has five eye-opening components. A blog post for another week, perhaps.)
 
Rule #8 Adjust your perception
In the field of public relations, there's a common saying that perception is reality. That's because we often believe what we think we see, and we see what we want to see. But within each of us there is an ability to change our perceptions, and with the power of the Holy Spirit, our vision can vastly improve over time. We can choose to see what we have versus what we don't. We can choose to place a high value on spending time with friends versus spending money on the latest outfit. We can focus on things that bring glory to God, versus glory to ourselves. Watson says if we could cure our distorted, sin-trained perceptions, we would find the secret to conquering a discontented heart.
 
Rule #9 Meditate on the promise of heaven
We are most tempted to be discontent at our extremes - when we are the happiest and when we are in the greatest discomfort. When everything is going well, we can be lulled into a false sense of security, and then entitlement, and eventually complete self-reliance. We don't see our need for God because it is covered by all of our creature comforts. On the other hand, when nothing is going right, we can become despondent and fixated on everything we lack. And most of life is spent going between the two extremes. But when we place our "treasure in heaven," as Matthew 6:19 says, our satisfaction comes from glorifying God in any circumstance. Paul said it best in Philippians 4:11-13, "…in any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance, and need. I can do all things through Him who strengthens me."
 
Rule #10 Pray… A LOT!
Back in the 1600s physicians used a horrible medical treatment that makes me cringe. They used to intentionally bleed patients thinking that the letting of blood would take the toxins with it. Although the practice is grim, I mention it to provide context for Watson's statement that, "When the heart is filled with sorrow and disquiet, prayer lets out the bad blood. The key of a prayer oiled with tears unlocks the heart of all its discontents. It is the unburdening of the soul…" As we endeavor to find contentment deep in our hearts, prayer is the best medicine for a lifetime of soul satisfaction. When you spend a lot of time living in the King's throne room, your desire to wander the streets looking for trinkets vastly diminishes.
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​Most people who attain legendary status are not usually associated with the virtue of humility. In fact, when we meet someone famous, we are often surprised if they seem down-to-earth and approachable. Of course, a part of this amazement is because we have often elevated them to a pedestal in our own minds. Many times that’s the very reason people who achieve great notoriety are not humble in the first place. People in their immediate circle – their staff, their closest friends, etc. – become prideful because they know someone of position, prestige, accomplishment, or fame. Having worked with quite a few CEOs and celebrities in my career, I have seen over a period of time how the “inner circle” often unknowingly creates a monster or at least the perception of one. Pedestals are tricky things because they are always top heavy and prone to crashing when you least expect it. And the worst part is, when a pedestal falls, it takes a lot of fragile hearts with it.
 
Being on a pedestal was not a problem for Billy Graham, who was one of the most influential and recognizable men of the last century. Millions of people throughout his 70 years of ministry, were touched by his passionate proclamations of the cross. And perhaps millions more were changed by the wise counsel he offered to 12 presidents of the United States since World War II.
 
Yet with a sphere of influence that eclipsed movie stars and the presidents themselves, the most common observation among most of today’s news stories and obituaries – even among the media who might have disliked his message or his perceived political partisanship – was that he exuded humility and grace. Biographer Grant Wacker who wrote America’s Pastor said that Graham once asked why someone would want to write a book about him. After conducting the interview, Wacker mused, “An hour later, driving back down the mountain and thinking about that conversation, I realized that Graham did not deny that he had done important things. He knew better. Yet he was careful to say that the ability to do important things was not really his own. The Lord had given it to him.”
 
Wacker wrote a blog post last year about three key qualities Graham possessed that were critical to his humility. It is insightful and well worth the read. But as I pondered what it takes to protect and exhibit humility, especially at the level of notoriety that Graham had achieved, what really struck me was a critical component missing from the blog post – the equal level of humility and integrity that Graham’s inner circle likewise must have had. To have a life graced with so much personal humility as Graham’s was, he must have had an inner circle who not only understood his proclivities, failures, and mistakes, but also refused to let his fame cloud their clarity of his everyday humanity. And, therefore Graham must have also been willing to be vulnerable and real with them. I have no idea if this was a spoken covenant among them, or if it happened organically, but one thing is certain, it could’ve only been generated by unconditional love for each other, a belief that honesty and compassion are required in equal measure, and commitment to a healthy community.
 
Now, you could say, perhaps it was Graham’s strong humility that guided and nurtured the same virtue in his family, friends and closest staff members. But according to Wacker, Graham’s humility was certainly not perfect, as he was known for name dropping and “relished” being close to powerful people, even though he never sought power for himself. The ironic implication here is that even though Graham had a healthy inner circle who kept him grounded, even he struggled with putting others on a pedestal from time to time.
 
Jesus called the temptation to put others on a pedestal favoritism. I love how blunt he is about it with the rich young ruler in Luke 18. In the parable, a wealthy young man approaches him and asks, “Good Teacher, what must I do to inherit eternal life?” Before Jesus gives him the answer, he says, “Why do you call me good? No one is good except God alone.” For many years, I read that verse and thought, “but Jesus IS God. Why does it sound like he’s denying his identity in this reprimand?” But thanks to the use of study tools like the ESV Study Bible or Bible Gateway, the context of the conversation and Jesus’ gentle sarcasm come alive and make perfect sense. The IVP New Testament Commentary says, “Jesus wants to warn the man not to be impressed by human credentials.” In fact, Jesus was identifying the timeless temptation to put accomplished or talented people up on pedestals. So before Jesus can even answer the man’s question about eternal life, he cautions that the ruler’s clever flattery and reliance on his own intellect is a distraction to the real truth – that Jesus is truly God, not just a good teacher.
 
Regardless of the famous people he hung out with and his own struggles with admiring those in power, one thing is obvious about Billy Graham, he ultimately placed his love and admiration for Christ above all others. He tirelessly proclaimed the Gospel to anyone who would listen. He was unapologetic about the depravity of the human race and its need for redemption, for healing and for the kind of love that never fails. When someone so revered and (almost) universally loved passes on, we are always so tempted to put them on a posthumous pedestal. Let’s not do that with America’s Pastor, but instead thank God for the glorious things he accomplished through a flawed, struggling, “ordinary farm boy,” as Graham was once called. 
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Last week, two music icons of the last century stepped off the stage. Each for different reasons, but both willingly. For Neil Diamond, it was his decision to battle a ferocious disease in private. Elton John simply said he wants to be around his kids more. Regardless of the reasons, they both decided it was time to move on to a new phase of life. Of course, if history is a teacher, then like many other celebs before him, Elton will probably come out of retirement just when we think he’s forever disappeared down the Yellow Brick Road. On the other hand, for Neil, nature has given him less of a choice.
 
Decisions like these should not just happen at the end of an illustrious career or when we hit a certain age. There are times throughout our lives when we all should be pondering the idea of stepping back from something. Walking away from a dream that has run its course and moving on to the next big adventure. The second calling… or the third… or even the fourth. Life is not static, but many of us live like it is. We live like the thing we are really good at is the only thing we can do… or the only thing we are made of and made for. And yet, if we are living life to the fullest, we should constantly be curious about new adventures and following new dreams.
 
But rather than living with open hands, willing to let go of our hard-earned niches of comfort for the next calling, we often succumb to fear, which is driven by that nasty, sneaky little thing called pride. Pride drives fear? Yep. Pride is the slickest, most alluring, most disguised stumbling block known to humankind. Why? Because the majority of the time, we are simply not aware of it. And if we do see it in our lives, it often masquerades as something else. Something positive, acceptable… even highly valued or respected like a strong work ethic or enduring commitment. On the flip side, pride is a master at casting blame elsewhere, so it can become a cozy robe of empathy and self-protection so that others will not see the real you. Instead, they might see someone lacking in self-confidence or pummeled by life’s hardships, thereby showering you with encouragement and attention. Pride, self-centeredness, selfishness, mistrust, a need for control, worry, stubbornness, they are all one in the same… and are roots of fear.
 
So just in case you're thinking that this is only a spiritual phenomenon, stop and think about your workplace. Think about that executive you’ve seen who feels he has earned his high position and has his fists so tightly wound with control that he doesn’t share the limelight or the appreciation. He’s afraid of the next young buck coming along who will make him look old, washed up and behind the times. What about your family life? Perhaps it’s a relation who always tries to control the family’s holiday gatherings. Maybe it’s a sibling or cousin who always has to be the one with a sob story so bad that it sucks all the air out of the room every time you get together. In all these situations, fear has them by the throat because they are ultimately worried about themselves. For the person in a position of leadership, what value will he have if he shares his cherished position and accolades? Who will notice and praise the family member if someone else does it better than her? What if she never does something meaningful again? And for the one who always seems to be the center of attention with a crisis, how will she ever make anyone like her and connect with her for who she really is? Hiding behind our fears may feel comfortable, but it is the most dangerous place to be.
 
Life was not meant to be lived with our fists clenched around the thing that we love the most or gives us self-worth. We are made for more than a career, more than a regarded role in our community, family or church, more than being a parent or even a great spouse. When we let go of the pride, suddenly our fears don’t seem quite so big, and we’re able to loosen our grip, lessen our control, and open lives and hearts up to live with more trust, more hope, and a vastly wider vision of what’s possible. We can begin to see our identity for who God really created us to be, not by what we do, say or generate ourselves. Galatians 4:7 encourages us that we were not created to be slaves to worldly pursuits, but rather heirs of God. And Ephesians 2:10 reminds us that God will always give us something meaningful to do for His glory. No matter what stage of life, we are created for purposeful, exciting kingdom work.
 
Now please don’t think for a minute that this is something I have down pat. But when I see people who have the courage to move forward in life with grace and integrity, it inspires me and reminds me to take a look at my own hands and my grip on life. White-knuckling whatever “stage" God has given you will eventually choke out the spotlight all together. Instead, the abundant life waits for those who willingly share, joyfully receive and sometimes let go completely, trusting that He always has another gift just waiting for them to unwrap when the time is right. That being said, He sometimes allows our hands to be empty for a while on purpose. It is in the empty times, that He better prepares us to become a vessel capable of learning what it’s like to find fulfillment in nothing but the greatest gift of all – His presence. Psalm 16:11 says, “You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.”

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