Are You Being Real?

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Last year I published a blog post about blossoming for Jesus while living in a hard place — either literally or emotionally. However, I wrote that message at a time in my life when I was NOT in a hard place. The words had come to me while reflecting on my previous journeys during times of difficulty, but I had the advantage of viewing everything through a rested and peaceful heart. And while everything the Lord laid on my heart to say in that post still rings true, the application of those truths has pushed deeper into my soul than ever before. So, as I sat here this morning listening to the jarring sounds of drills, hammers, shovels, and an assortment of other tools being used to correct the myriad of problems with my house, I felt the familiar, stirring presence of God reminding me to rely on the only unmovable foundation in my life.

Some of you may remember me writing about a beautiful, but incredibly determined purple iris that had figured out how to not only grow but also blossom resplendently in the most unlikely of places — a rock bed. Just feet away, there was soft, fertile earth beckoning, but that single iris was growing right where it was originally planted many, many years ago by the previous owner. As I pondered the struggle the iris must face each year to rise up among stones and then blossom in unpleasant conditions, I couldn't help but think about the times in our lives when God plants us in places we don’t want to be in. He sees the hard, unforgiving stones and gravel as opportunities for growth, and we tend to see them as nothing but bad luck, adversity, and disappointment. He wants us to learn to depend more on Him and become a bright spot of color on an otherwise barren landscape. But we tend to focus on the lack of comfort and companionship, and beg the Master Gardener to plant us somewhere else… anywhere else.

That’s where I’m at right now, both mentally and physically. I want to resist where is He is planting me with all that is within me. And whether you’re in a season of contentment or a season of confusion, I’m sure you can recall that feeling of resistance as well. When we enter a season of life that places us in unfamiliar terrain that is rough or demanding, we may feel the angled, painful edges of rocks around our hearts, minds or bodies. Sometimes we resist, wilt, and give up. Sometimes our stubbornness kicks in and we try to push through even when we know we shouldn’t go in a certain direction. And other times we do what God calls us to do — to completely trust Him, even amid extreme discomfort.

I am currently vacillating between all of those reactions. Some days I’ve given up and gone to bed discouraged. Other days I’ve pushed through the hours like a robot, willing myself not to feel or react to anything. I’ve told myself that I don’t care when of course, I really do care. And I’ve had what I’ll call a good day, where I receive the Lord’s mercy like water being poured in a dry cistern. What does that look like? Well, it means persevering, praying and waiting on Him for strength, relief, and perhaps most importantly — the ability to hope. Or maybe I should say, to believe that there is always, always a reason to hope, no matter how bleak things seem or feel. It’s the hope that Jesus sacrificed His life for so that when the hard times of waiting and endurance occur — whether you’re in that difficult place for an hour, a day, a month, a year or a decade — you’ll always come out of it having leaned into Jesus more deeply and more fully than you could have ever imagined.   

Unfortunately, many believers never experience the kind of joy that flows from a heart that accepts God’s sovereignty to either place us in — or allow us to be taken to — a hard place. In last year’s blog post, I focused on the sovereignty aspect, since I know that’s been one of my biggest struggles in the past. I’ve always strained to find joy and hope in suffering because I had been unable to move beyond the acceptance of God’s sovereignty over my life to a level of fully embracing and welcoming it. It’s kind of like the difference between saying, “Oh God, this is terrible. What are You going to do about it?” And expectantly stating a fact like this: “Oh God, I can’t wait to see what You are going to do with this.” The first statement is hopeless. Joyless. And frankly, self-centered. The second statement, while still acknowledging the situation, acts on the belief that God will always work things together for His glory. We can choose to live expectantly — even in darkness — or we can slump our shoulders under the weight of our doubts. It’s not that we don’t have doubts. It’s impossible not to, but it’s whether or not we’re living out a real faith in the face of them.

Jesus implores us to be real. Real with Him and real with each other. Especially during the trials of life. Ignoring our doubts, concealing our doubts, or living in any way that doesn’t embrace a full trust that God not only sees it all, but is actually working through it all, is only a work of fiction. I shudder to think how many times I have gone to the Lord in prayer and gone through the motions of saying that I trust Him. Yet, then I get up from my knees and begin worrying about tomorrow. What’s more, I later try to go through the situation without sharing any of my internal struggles with the very people God has asked me to “do life” with. I may share a prayer request with someone, but I keep the nagging doubts and other “unspiritual” feelings to myself. As I result, I end up wondering — sometimes excessively — what others might think if they truly knew what I was thinking and feeling about God’s role in the situation. So, if you’re like me, you filter every response to the question, “How are you doing?” with something deemed socially acceptable or convenient. And then we get home and the Holy Spirit is urging us to spend time with our Heavenly Father, and the habit of not being real with people becomes our habit with God. The Holy Spirit is asking us, “How are you doing? Talk to me. Be real with me,” and we mutter out the Sunday school prayers as if He can’t handle the truth.

The good news… no, the most phenomenal news ever… is that He can handle the truth. He created us for fellowship with Him. Not to be robots. Not to be afraid of Him. Not to live without feeling, dreaming, risking, and wondering. Yet most of us — me included — insist on going through life as if we need to perform. As if we need to fabricate some level of faith we don’t have. As if the other believers in our lives have the power to determine our holiness. But here’s some truth that God keeps hammering home to me: the trials of life and negative thoughts will come at us from every angle, and Satan will attempt to use every single one of them to make us doubt God’s sovereignty. To doubt His love for us. To doubt His ability or even willingness to help us. That’s because the evil one knows that our belief and unwavering trust in God’s authority and power is crucial for our faith to grow and real joy to flow from our souls into the lives of others. If Satan can sabotage our ability to be real with God and others, then he can successfully stunt our faith for life. We’ll keep hitting this seemingly invisible, spiritual brick wall over and over. And we’ll keep wondering why.

Imagine being an early follower of Jesus in the years of hardship after His resurrection and ascension. The apostle Peter was crucified upside down for the cause of Christ. Paul was beaten, jailed, bitten by a snake, and suffered great personal affliction on an ongoing basis throughout his life. They, and the countless believers who suffered gracefully in the centuries that followed, all looked to Jesus as a role model for embracing and thriving under God’s sovereignty. When Jesus endured the beating, the ridicule, and agony of His trial and crucifixion, He laid His life down of His own accord in willing surrender to his Father’s sovereignty for the joy that was set before Him. Hebrews 12:1-2 says, “Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.”

Jesus knew that if He embraced — not just obeyed — what God was allowing to happen, there would be joy. We know from scripture that He had to be willing to surrender and play the position God had put Him in. Luke 22:42 tells us that Jesus earnestly pleaded with God about the difficult position He faced: “Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will but yours be done.” Jesus was real with His Father. Go back and read the passages about Jesus’ pleading in the Garden of Gethsemane, and you’ll see the ultimate example of someone being truly raw with God about internal struggles. (Luke 22:39-46, Matthew 26:36-46, and Mark 14:32-52)
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Waiting, seasons of suffering, and learning to glorify God in the role He’s placed you in is an uncomfortable thing to ponder. Sharing the truth about your feelings and doubts with others during those difficult seasons is even more uncomfortable. If you’re in a season of comfort and rest right now, going back to a place of stone and striving is not something you want to think about. The subject of God’s sovereignty and suffering can also be unsettling and even divisive depending on who you’re talking with about it. Yet understanding it, embracing it, and trusting in this attribute of our Heavenly Father is one of the most important keys to finding true peace and joy in this life.

Most importantly, the very existence of God’s sovereignty means we are not in control. Acknowledgment of this fact and the ramifications of it in our lives is the most uncomfortable feeling of all. As a recovering control freak with perfectionist tendencies, my discomfort seems as though it’s at an all-time high. But as the Holy Spirit met me in some of my most desperate hours these past few weeks, I kept hearing, “Be real with me,” over and over. And as I thought about the blog this week and wondered if I could even muster up some words, I heard, “Be real with them too.”

And so, here I am being transparent. Being real. And letting anyone who listens or reads to see my  doubts, disappointments, and confusion. While I’m determined to say boldly, “I can’t wait to see what God is going to do with all of this,” I’m struggling with deep discouragement over where my life seems to be headed right now. Through God’s clear direction and provision a little over two years ago, I exited the corporate world to start Core Radiate and subsequently the Glimmers in the Fog blog. But with all that’s happened this year, that calling seems to be in jeopardy due to financial circumstances. Which brings up another reality of life that almost everyone is uncomfortable being real about… money. But, if I can’t be real about the whole truth, then I’m not actually being real with you at all, am I?

The majority of people spend a lifetime denying God’s sovereignty and struggling needlessly with the stony places. And because they think they’re not supposed to question God or express doubt, all their internal struggles mount up like immovable rocks in their souls. Because they don’t ask why and because they don’t expose the wounds, the Holy Spirit can’t move in to address the questions, teach the heart, and soothe the soul. Then, the more they resist being where God has placed them, attempt to control the situation, and try to change things on their own, the more hardness and bitterness take over.

I don’t want to be in the majority. My prayer is that God will give me the faith, submission, and trust to fully embrace the stony places and fully rest in the bountiful ones. That doesn’t happen without being real and trusting the results of doing so entirely to Him. So as I wrap up this week’s message, I humbly ask you for prayer that I will get out of His way and let Him do only the work He can do in hard places. At this point, almost nothing is outside of the realm for potential change or out of the question, and although that means the future of the Glimmers blog isn’t clear, I know that God’s truth is. Romans 8:28 in The Passion Translation says, “So we are convinced that every detail of our lives is continually woven together to fit into God’s perfect plan of bringing good into our lives, for we are His lovers who have been called to fulfill His designed purpose.” Scripture doesn’t leave any room for loopholes or caveats in that statement. God’s sovereignty prevails no matter what the details. My dream has been to serve the Lord by encouraging others through the written and spoken word, but His dreams for me are better, whether they include what I desire right now or not.

I have no way of knowing this, but I think Paul had Psalm 37:4 in mind when he followed the leading of the Holy Spirit to write Romans 8:28. Psalm 37:4 says, “Make God the utmost delight and pleasure of your life, and He will provide for you what you desire the most.” (The Passion Translation). When we make God our utmost delight… when we make Him our focus and not ourselves, then He transforms our hearts to desire what He wants. Just before Paul declares that all things work together for bringing good into our lives, he says in verse 27: “God, the searcher of the heart, knows fully our longings, yet He also understands the desires of the Spirit, because the Holy Spirit passionately pleads before God for us, His holy ones, in perfect harmony with God’s plan and our destiny.” If I believe what God promises, then I must conclude that even though I am uncomfortable or feel disappointed, He is still working on my behalf to bring His plans to glorious fruition. He knows something I don’t know. He knows what’s best, even when it seems completely opposite of what I’m feeling or experiencing. But if I deny my reactions, feelings, and doubts, then He can’t intervene and adjust my vision to see His perspective. And if I don’t have His perspective on things, then I don’t have hope… or joy… or patience.

It may sound strange to say that I hope you find encouragement in my doubts, but that is my prayer as I share this message today. Even if you’re miles away from a hard place right now, there’s not a believer out there who doesn’t struggle deeply with doubt from time to time. And each time it happens, it will seem new, shocking, probably confusing. And Satan will make you feel guilty and alone in the midst of it. When it happens, I hope that you remember this message and follow the Spirit’s calling to be real. Don’t fight it, deny it, or feel guilty about it. Be real and God will eventually bring the healing.

What do you think of today's message? Comment and share your thoughts below! And if God brought someone to mind as you read or listened, please encourage them by sharing this post today!

Five-Day Devotional Guide for Further Reflection and Daily Spiritual Journaling
The questions and readings below can be used for a single-day study or your daily quiet time throughout the week. Before you begin reading the passage for each day, spend some time asking God to open your heart to His truth and hearing His voice.
Day 1 - Read one or more of the Gospel passages about Jesus’ prayer in the Garden the night before He was crucified. (Luke 22:39-46, Matthew 26:36-46, and Mark 14:32-52) As you read, ask God to show you how Jesus was being transparent about His feelings and struggles with God. What do you think God wants you to be willing to expose to His healing?
Day 2 - How have you struggled to accept God’s sovereignty in the past? Read Jeremiah 29:11. Spend some time recalling how He has been faithful even when it didn’t seem like things we’re going well at first.
Day 3 - The Psalmist was very real with God. He had no hesitation about bringing his doubts, fears, and questions to God. Read Psalm 42. Even though many of us know the Psalms well, we still struggle to be as transparent with God. Why do you think that is? What do you have going on in your heart that you have been hesitant to be honest about with yourself and God?
Day 4 -  Read Galatians 6:1-3. Sharing one another’s burdens requires being genuinely open and transparent with each other. How have you struggled with that in the past? Ask God in prayer to reveal anything that you need to be more open about.
Day 5 - As believers in Jesus, we can always have hope because no matter what happens here, we have an eternal destiny. But how do we renew our hope when eternity seems so far away or hard to imagine? Read Philippians 1:3-9 and write down anything that comes to mind about Paul’s source of hope, even when he sat in a Roman prison. Read Romans 15:13 and then spend time praying it back to Him. If you have time, play two or three worship songs and sing along with all your might.

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