The 5 Hallmarks of Satisfying Love

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Love letters have long been revered as one of the most romantic ways of communicating feelings to the one held most dear. There is something so charming and enduring about setting ink to paper in order to pour out the strongest longings of the heart that virtually all cultures throughout history have practiced it in one form or another. From the first surreptitious note we pass to the cute classmate to the constant and often obtrusive texting of today’s modern romances, communicating in writing about love can be one of the most satisfying experiences the human heart can conceive.

In 1994 Johnny Cash sent a birthday letter to his wife June that has since been voted the greatest love letter of all time. Here is part of the short letter: We get old and get used to each other. We think alike. We read each other’s minds. We know what the other wants without asking. Sometimes we irritate each other a little bit. Maybe sometimes take each other for granted. But once in a while, like today, I meditate on it and realize how lucky I am to share my life with the greatest woman I ever met. You still fascinate and inspire me. You influence me for the better. You’re the object of my desire, the #1 Earthly reason for my existence. I love you very much.

Clearly, he was very satisfied with their relationship, finding much of life’s greatest meaning in their identity as a couple. In just a few sentences, Johnny manages to encapsulate five hallmarks of satisfying love. He begins by expressing undying gratitude and adoration, followed by an expression of inexhaustible interest, a willing submission to her influence, an unquenchable romantic desire, and finally, a closing declaration that she was his very reason for living. It’s that last one I find the most haunting, as Johnny did indeed quickly followed June — within just four months — when she passed away in May 2003. She was the center of his world, and while it’s medically debatable whether or not he died of a broken heart, it’s perhaps the heart-touching irony of his declaration that edged out other famous contenders in the love letter poll. The words he penned to his beloved, even beat out the literary heavyweights like Keats and Hemmingway.

As I thought about the way Johnny gave his whole heart to June despite their differences and shortcomings, I was once again reminded of a quote from Tim Keller about marriage and how God designed it to be a picture of His union with us and His sacrificial love for us. “To be loved but not known is comforting but superficial. To be known and not loved is our greatest fear. But to be fully known and truly loved is, well, a lot like being loved by God. It is what we need more than anything. It liberates us from pretense, humbles us out of our self-righteousness, and fortifies us for any difficulty life can throw at us.”

Like marriage is analogous to God’s commitment and love for us, when we look at the five hallmarks of satisfying love expressed in Johnny’s letter, we can also see parallels of them in Scripture, which is God’s love letter to humankind. In God's Word, we can find the most satisfying love on earth and also be assured of unending, perfect love throughout eternity.

A mutually adoring love. While we can never equal the greatness of God’s love within the bounds of our flawed humanity, a relationship with our Heavenly Father is all about mutual adoration. Zephaniah 3:17 says that God sings or rejoices over us. Over and over Scripture tells us that God loves us more than we can fathom (Ephesians 3:14-19) and that we were created to have a loving, intensely personal relationship with Him (John 14:23, 1 John 1:1-3). Jesus stated in Matthew 22:37 that the greatest commandment of all is to love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind and soul.

An inexhaustible interest in each other. We are made in God’s image, so it should be no surprise that our relationship with Him should mirror those we have with each other. When two people no longer find each other fascinating, then the relationship usually dies. But God is keenly interested in us, to the point where He knows the number of hairs on our heads (Matthew 10:30-31) and exactly what we need in every area of our lives (Matthew 6:8). He has plans us for us since before we born (Jeremiah 29:11) and will stay intensely involved with us until He brings them to fruition (Philippians 1:6). As such, God asks us to seek Him, using all of our hearts, minds, and souls to know Him better. As long as we earnestly ask Him to reveal Himself to us, He will (Deuteronomy 4:29).

A willing submission to influence. In any earthly relationship, both people need to be open to the influence of the other. In his book The Meaning of Marriage, Tim Keller explains that marriage is God’s design for two people to help each other progress toward who they are meant to be in Christ.  “Friends become wiser together through a healthy clash of viewpoints. Like a surgeon, friends cut you in order to heal you.” In the same manner, the bride of Christ is to joyfully and fully surrender to God’s leading as He shapes us into our best for Him. Isaiah 64:8 says, “But now, O Lord, you are our Father; we are the clay, and you are our potter; we are all the work of your hand.” Sometimes the molding is achieved through trials and other times change might be sparked by others close to us. But no matter what, we must be willing to let God guide, change, and mold us for His glory.

An unquenchable desire. God will go to any length to bring us closer to Him. In the parable of the lost sheep in Luke 15, Jesus said, “What man of you, having a hundred sheep, if he has lost one of them, does not leave the ninety-nine in the open country, and go after the one that is lost, until he finds it?” Psalm 37:4 says, “Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.” When we seek our greatest pleasure in Jesus, He will replace the desires of our heart with His.

A reason for living. Although Johnny declared that June was his reason for existence in the letter, he was very transparent about his faith in Jesus in the media and to his fans. In the early 1970s he and June began a close, enduring friendship with Billy and Ruth Graham. According to Mike Garrett, Johnny’s nephew, he began prioritizing his service to Billy’s crusades over his music career and concert tour, which is the number one way a musician earns a living. Jesus said in Luke 9:24, “For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will save it.” It is only when we find our primary meaning in life in Jesus that we will be truly satisfied. Psalm 119:57-58 tells us that God should be our portion, which means the totality of what is good in life. The Matthew Henry commentary says portion means felicity, or our very happiness.

Valentine’s Day is certainly a reminder to check the allegiance of our hearts. And while most people only think of its romantic connotations, the Word of God reminds us that our earthly attachments should be not only reflections of His love, but the instruments through which we serve and glorify Him. It is only then that we can truly find the kind of love that both satisfies and heals. As CS Lewis said in his book The Four Loves, “You have not chosen one another, but I have chosen you for one another. In God there is no hunger that needs to be filled, only plenteousness [e.g. overwhelming abundance] that desires to give.”

Questions for Further Reflection

• How do your relationships reflect God’s love or not? As you pray over the ones who are closest to you, ask Him to reveal to you any ways in which your relationships need to be healthier. How can you help those that you care about on their journey to/with Jesus and to be more like Him?
• God asks for our whole heart. Read Romans 5:5, 2 Corinthians 5:14, Psalm 9:1, and Psalm 119:2 and Psalm 138. As you read these scriptures, ask Him if there are any corners of your heart that you are holding back from His sovereignty, healing, and love.
• If today’s message encouraged you in some way, please pause and ask God what He would have you do based on what you just read (or listened to). In addition to some action step or change on your part, ask Him who He’d like you to reach out today with this same message of hope. Whomever He lays on your heart, please don’t hesitate to begin praying for them immediately. You could also send them this blog post with a personal note encouraging them.

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