Patience: The Virtue that Teaches Us to See

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Patience is not in the Book of Virtues. Literally. When a reader of my blog recently asked me to write about patience, the first thing that came to my mind was the old adage “patience is a virtue.” But when I pulled out my copy of William J. Bennett’s brilliant compilation of writings on ten timeless virtues, patience — to my surprise — was not one of them. 

Searching the internet to find Mr. Bennett’s rationale behind leaving out the most commonly referenced virtue of them all yielded nothing. Not a single clue regarding its mysterious absence. So I began to speculate why he left it out, and eventually landed on this conclusion: patience is more like a skill than a virtue. Like a trusty, well-used tool, deeply refined patience is the key to unlocking many other virtues. For example, without patience, it’s not possible to fully generate the virtues of compassion, self-discipline, loyalty, and perseverance. (All of those are in Mr. Bennett’s book, by the way.) Sure, we may show trace amounts of these virtues, but they will never completely bloom to have the impact we desire unless we have acquired and practiced the primary skill of patience.

Patience, however, is not a simple tool. Rather it is a complex, multi-use instrument, more like a pocketknife than a hammer or scissors. The patience required while sitting in heavy traffic with a sea of rude drivers is very different from the kind of patience needed while waiting on a dream to come true. Because I have recently written about growing through seasons of waiting (see this post), my focus here will be on the art of mustering patience with frustrating people and irritating situations. But, of course, learning how to have patience in this arena will help anyone exhibit more of it in the many other aspects of life.

Learning to gracefully and compassionately manage our daily frustrations with life and with people — both the ones we love and the ones we can’t imagine loving — is a rapidly dwindling skill in today’s digitally driven culture of instant gratification. According to the Pew Research Center people under the age of 35 have far less patience than previous generations, largely driven by our “hyperconnected” society and its emphasis on immediate satisfaction. Since I am well beyond that under-35 bracket and struggle mightily with patience, these kinds of research reports seem especially alarming.

But regardless of our society’s normalization and increasing promotion of instant gratification, the ability to practice patience is worth fighting for, now more than ever. And the very first step in that fight is to change our very flawed and highly negative perception that cultivating patience is an unpleasant and arduous endeavor. To be blunt: we need to stop thinking about patience as if it is a pain in the butt. When in fact, the process of patience itself is a treasure hunt for the truth accompanied by an invitation from God.

To explain that statement, consider this powerful example from the art world. Harvard art historian and professor, Jennifer L. Roberts, has a brilliant requirement for all of her students. Before they begin writing a research paper on a particular piece of art, they are required to go see it in a museum or gallery and observe it for three hours straight. That’s right, they have to stay in one place for three hours and gaze at the painting or sculpture. She said in an article, “The time span is explicitly designed to seem excessive … At first many of the students resist being subjected to such a remedial exercise. But after doing the assignment, students repeatedly tell me that they have been astonished by the potentials this process unlocked. It is commonly assumed that vision is immediate. It seems direct, uncomplicated, and instantaneous—which is why it has arguably become the master sense for the delivery of information in the contemporary technological world. But what students learn in a visceral way in this assignment is that in any work of art there are details and orders and relationships that take time to perceive. What this exercise shows students is that just because you have looked at something doesn’t mean that you have seen it.” The article entitled “The Power of Patience” is so fascinating, I encourage you to read it in full.

So instead of viewing patience as something that requires waiting, we would do much better to value it as a means to see truth and then react with grace and love. That’s the invitation extended to us every day, whether we’re fighting irritation in traffic or struggling to be patient with a stubborn child. Patience is not at all about learning to kill time with a pleasant demeanor, it is about learning and then reacting with compassion to the truth that is revealed.

Like the art history requirement, imagine if you had to sit at a stoplight for three hours. What would you see? Well, you’d see nothing if you let frustration, anger, and resentment cloud your vision. But if you approached it as a way of seeing the truth with an invitation, you might notice the homeless person standing on the corner. With three hours at the light, would you look into her eyes and venture to have a conversation with her? You might also notice the old man in the car next to you and the deep lines of sadness across his leathery face. Would you roll down the window and ask how he’s doing? What about the punk young adult in the lowrider blaring loud music behind you? Instead of being angry that he’s been riding your bumper for the last five miles and assuming that he would cut you off given the chance, would you get out of your vehicle and ask him what his big dreams are? What would you notice at the stoplight if you had to be there for three hours?

Josiah Royce, the American philosopher, said more than a century ago, “What is then thy neighbor? [Your neighbor] is a mass of states, of experiences, thoughts, and desires, just as real as thou art. Does thou believe this? Are thou sure what it means? This is for thee, the turning point of thy whole conduct towards him.” Belief is required for the cultivation of patience. Whether someone is an atheist or deeply spiritual, believing that there is always a greater truth or another layer to be revealed about someone or a situation is required for anyone to have patience. A casual glance or a quick assessment will never reveal what’s really going on in someone’s life or in a situation, so at the pace life moves, why do we assume the worst and get irritated? Hanging out at a traffic light for three hours isn’t likely to happen, but believing that there is always more than meets the eye will allow us to practice patience and extend grace in situations that on the surface seem to be wholly negative. The old man who’s been driving painfully slow hasn’t heard from his daughter in ten years. The punk kid with the loud music has been told repeatedly that he’s worthless. The homeless lady is a victim of human trafficking and the only way she knows how to survive without turning tricks is to beg for money.

Christians believe that our journey here on earth is to prepare us for eternity with God. So if that is the case, then how does patience cultivated here relate to heaven, where we will have perfect conditions and an endless amount of time? Besides the fact that the Bible commands us to develop patience, I think it has everything to do with taking the time to see the truth in order that we may extend the compassion of Jesus. Being patient with those who need mercy (and we all do!) will help them see the truth of a loving God in our actions. By accepting God’s invitation nestled within every challenging moment, we are living out 1 Thessalonians 5:14 which encourages us to be patient with everyone — not just those who deserve it.

Practicing patience isn’t only good for those we encounter, it’s also good for us. Sitting in front of artwork for three hours is difficult, but paintings are inanimate objects. They don’t have audible voices like screaming children. They don’t have the ability to move like an angry driver cutting you off. They don’t have selfish desires like a co-worker who steals the credit for your job well done. Enduring three hours in a meeting with an irritating person requires an entirely different level of endurance, especially when it is so easy to be blinded by their actions and attitudes. And this is why developing patience and learning to extend compassion is good for us — because we must rely on the strength, wisdom and love of Christ working through us to do so. Loving difficult people and enduring frustrating situations with grace teaches our spirits to abide with Jesus more and more each day. Colossians 1:10b -12 says, “All the while, you will grow as you learn to know God better and better. We also pray that you will be strengthened with all His glorious power so you will have all the endurance and patience you need. May you be filled with joy, always thanking the Father. He has enabled you to share in the inheritance that belongs to His people, who live in the light.”

Jesus saw through the exterior demeanor and behaviors of frustrating people and instead looked into their hearts. He saw the truth of difficult situations and knew what the final outcomes would be. What Jesus was able to see immediately, it may take us hours, days, or even years to see. But no matter how long it takes, we’ll never see any of it if we don’t believe He has a plan for all of it in the first place. Impatience is a blinding weakness that relies on external circumstances to make us feel content, happy, or calm. Patience is yielding that weakness to the power of Christ and allowing Him to make us content, joyful and calm by being vessels for His glory, instruments of His love, and pictures of His gentle peace. 
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