Reassembling Life Even When You Can't Find the Pieces

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There is virtually no part of my life that is not in disarray right now. I’m surrounded by pieces. Not broken pieces, thank goodness, but it does feel as though I am surrounded by millions of scattered parts littered across the battlefield of a cross-country move. As many of you know, I have been on a brief hiatus from the Glimmers blog while my husband and I transition from Maine to California. And while today will be a shorter message than usual, I desperately needed to return to something normal and familiar as quickly as possible, for both my sanity and my sense of belonging.

However, even with the deep longing in my heart to serve God as He has called me, the almost addictive craving to keep working and achieve complete order from my chaotic surroundings was surprisingly and overwhelmingly alluring this morning as I stood in the shower and contemplated the day ahead. At least today wouldn’t feel like Groundhog Day (a reference to the classic Bill Murray movie, not the date in February). Today, I mused as I stood in my new bathroom wondering again which drawer I put my hairbrush in, I would at least do something other than deal with boxes, service contractors, and address changes.

Of course, I am also a planner and organizer by nature, so even though I color-coded, labeled, meticulously numbered all my boxes, and can search their contents in a master spreadsheet (yes, I really did that), my life is still utterly unorganized right now. Despite my best efforts to make the move easier, my excessive organization didn’t prevent my being overwhelmed by the deluge of boxes in every room, nor could I have anticipated all the work being compounded by 10 once we arrived and realized how little the previous owners had done to maintain their home.

Even the furniture we purchased and the accessories we bought to make life easier are all in pieces. Take, for example, the beautiful new cherry-finish step stool I bought to match my ultra-tall kitchen cabinets. I’ve always acknowledged that I am on the short side, but my new kitchen makes me feel absolutely minuscule in height. Since I can barely reach the second shelf in the majority of my cabinets, I figured a matching step stool sitting in my kitchen would be better than our old metal one with its paint dribbles and emerging rust lines. But, like everything else it seems, I can’t take advantage of the stool’s better height and attractiveness until I take the hour… or two… or three… required to assemble all 57 pieces. You read (heard) that right. 57 ridiculous pieces for a simple step stool. I’ve never been fond of puzzles. So as far as I’m concerned, the path to reaching new heights is paved with tedium and irritation.

But as I spread out those endless pieces on my kitchen floor and pondered whether I had it in me to begin the assembly process (yet again), I suddenly became acutely aware of the cool, solid feel of the tile beneath my feet. My floor didn’t need assembly. It had needed a deep cleaning, which it received, but it was not in pieces when we moved in. It was steady and doing a simple job well. And at that moment with temperatures outside soaring near 100, it brought me comfort. Like the shade Jonah sought in the overwhelming and sweltering landscape of Nineveh (Jonah 4), the cool tiles reminded me of God’s endless provision. He is the solid, comforting foundation that never moves. Always stable. And beckoning me to take a break and find refuge in His unwavering strength and the refreshment of His Spirit. Like Jonah, God had told my husband and I to come here to this new place, and just like the pouting prophet, I wanted to run away from the job and throw up my hands in exasperation. Over the last few months, I have certainly related to Jonah’s words in chapter 4, verse 5: “Just kill me now, Lord.”

But God is faithful to complete the good work in us — and through us — every time. And even during the hard lessons and excruciating work, He loves us enough to comfort us and teach us at the same time. Even though Jonah was angry with God for sending him to serve in Nineveh and even more resentful when the entire city turned away from evil to receive salvation, God patiently, but firmly,  comforted and corrected him. In the passage from Jonah 4, God used everyday things to speak to Jonah’s heart — a broad-leafed plant, a worm, and a blistering wind. Everything and everyone is under God’s dominion, and He uses whatever it takes to reach those He loves. The key, of course, is that we are open to seeing and hearing Him through all those things… big, small, difficult, pleasurable, tedious, frustrating, and simple.

The Holy Spirit used a cool tile floor to comfort me and correct my attitude. An everyday structure became holy ground at that moment. Like Jesus squatting down in the dirt to touch the blind beggar or raise the chin of the teary-eyed adulteress, God gets down on our level and in our muck to love us. There’s nothing too scattered, overwhelming, or damaged for Him. And if that isn’t remarkable enough, we can find Him with us in the trenches every day, not just when we’ve reached the end of our stamina, patience, or hope. The problem is we usually wait, like Jonah, until we get into that predicament to see Him.

Growing up in a somewhat religiously legalistic culture, I used to believe that if I wasn’t having a perfect daily quiet time with a specific amount of Bible reading and praying, that God wouldn’t show up. I treated my relationship with God as if it functioned under a contract. If I do this and that, He will provide specific things. But if I were to fall down on my end of the bargain, He’d find plenty of other more deserving people to lavish His love and presence upon. And although that faulty and highly dangerous perspective is mostly behind me, every now and then I hear ghostly echos of its voice whispering doubts in my head as if there is anything I could do to change, validate, or increase God’s love for me or His involvement in my life. But on days where the tasks or struggles of life force you to get out of bed at the crack of dawn and not stop until the stars are long since out, Jesus doesn’t withdraw His Spirit just because the most you can eke out is a 30-second prayer as you fall asleep. The difference is how you seek Him on the whole, and moment by moment. The difference is that when life is somewhat normal and routine that you choose Him when you have the choice. Spending quality time with Him becomes your priority. You choose Him because you long for His presence so profoundly, so genuinely, that you can almost feel the need physically, like thirst or hunger. That’s the desire that the Psalmist is talking about in Psalm 42:1: “As the deer longs for streams of water, so I long for you, O God. I thirst for God, the living God. When can I go and stand before him?”

Notice that David is asking the question to himself, more so than anyone else around him: “When am I going to be able to take a break from all of this to just go be with God?” That’s not what I usually find myself asking. I usually pout like Jonah and mutter, “God, when is this going to end?” Or perhaps, “God, this stinks. And I’m tired of it all.” And I think that’s why David is called the “man after God’s own heart.” Even when he had every reason and obstacle in his way, he didn’t let it taint or distract the longing in his heart for God, even when it meant his ability to formally worship God in a dedicated moment was impeded. He let that longing take precedence in his heart so that it filtered his vision, guarded his perspectives, and sensitized his heart to an awareness of God’s presence… anywhere and at any time. Certainly, some of David’s most compelling Psalms were written amid the chaos on a battlefield littered with destruction and despair. Poetry isn’t something most of us think of as being written in the midst of disarray and danger, but for David and many others since him, inspiration can always be found in the muck and hardship of life if our hearts are open to looking for God to show up.

So, as I finish up this message today, I’m fighting the urge to rush so that I can return to the wooden puzzle of step stool pieces laying on my kitchen floor… or the boxes of clothes sitting in the middle of my bedroom… or the stack of forwarded mail that needs to be sorted… goodness, even choosing which thing to do next is hard. But this time as I go back into the fray, I’m taking a deep breath and inviting God to interrupt me and my agenda with His presence. To remind me that even in the drudgery, there is joy. In the frustration, there is hope. In any moment… He. Simply. Is. In any moment, the great I AM is there for me. He is there for you. Now, the decision is up to us. Will we have hearts like David that long for Him enough to get past our own perspectives and attitudes? Will we see Him sitting there with us among the boxes, battlefields, and new beginnings? Are we open to being taught, or are we just seeking the comfort of His shade and the provision of His hand? In all these things, Scripture encourages us to trust before we can see. To believe before we can walk. Ephesians 3:17-18 says, “Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in Him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong. And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep His love is.” In verse 17, I love the phrase, “as you trust Him” because it reminds me that our ability to experience Jesus is a growth process. We get better at seeing His hand and leaning into His constant presence over time and with repeated practice. So let’s keep going, my friend. We have a holy incentive better than any comfort on earth to stay the course and anticipate His presence every step of the way.

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5-Day Devotional Guide For Further Reflection and Daily Spiritual Journaling
The questions and readings below can be used for a single-day study or your daily quiet time throughout the week. Before you begin reading the passage for each day, spend some time asking God to open your heart to His truth and hearing His voice.
Day 1 - Read Jonah 4. (It’s a short chapter.) God told Jonah several times to go and preach to the people of Nineveh, but he didn’t want to do so because he knew God would offer them salvation if they repented. When have you avoided spending time with God or disobeyed one of his commands (either directly to you or found in Scripture) because you didn’t want Him to do something you didn’t like? Even in the face of disobedience or avoidance, how did God still show His love for you and draw you back to Him?
Day 2 - Read Hebrews 12:11. Recall a time when you went through something painful, but the Holy Spirit helped you see that it was for your good. What did God teach you through the difficulty? How was He faithful to be with you? How has God used your experience to help others?
Day 3 - Read Philippians 4:8-9. The presence of Jesus brings peace. How can this passage help you to experience more of His presence in everyday life? What areas of your life or habits does God want you to “filter” through this verse more often?
Day 4 - ReadPsalm 16:11. There is no ambiguity about God’s promise of His presence. Meditate and memorize this verse, recalling it as a prayer in moments of stress or weakness. Ask God to reveal any changes you need to undertake to make this verse a more frequent reality in your life.
Day 5 - Read Romans 8:28 several times in a few different versions. Ask the Holy Spirit to search your heart and reveal to you in any ways in which you don’t believe this statement to be true. Ask God to help you see all things through the filter of this verse and comfort you with His presence as you trust in this promise.

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