Taming the Force of Habit

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For almost six weeks this summer, my house was like a B&B with a string of out of town guests. Believe it or not, I had a great time playing hostess, baking early morning wild blueberry scones, making sure that each visitor had all the essentials, and checking the weather for any impact on our plans. Now, I don’t really consider myself overly gifted in the hospitality department, but I have to admit that my inner Martha Stewart emerged just a tiny bit, minus the over-the-top decorations and crafting projects. At the end of each day, I wanted to go to bed knowing that they had a good time, ate some amazing food, and felt comfortable enough to truly relax.

Despite this, after about the third week of welcoming family and friends, I was surprised to find myself struggling emotionally without the familiar comfort of some of my usual habits. In order to accommodate the desires and schedules of a houseful of vacationers, there were some routines I just had to temporarily give up. A few of my emotions were far stronger than I would have anticipated, and this realization made me stop and ask myself if I was just becoming too set in my ways (i.e. old!) to be flexible or if the power of my repetitive behaviors was far greater than I realized.

Then I recalled a quote from a research-driven book that I read a few years ago called The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg: “(Habits) shape our lives far more than we realize — they are so strong, in fact, that they cause our brains to cling to them at the exclusion of all else, including common sense.” Phew! It’s not necessarily that I am getting old. I felt immediately better. But now I still had to figure out what to do about the emotions I was wrestling with since my life wouldn’t return to normal for several more weeks and, above all, I wanted to make everyone feel comfortable. I mean, who would want to come back to a cranky person’s house for vacation?

As I pondered this, I came to realize how many of the habits I was missing at the moment had a direct connection to my sense of place… my home. When I’ve gone away on vacation, it’s always been easier to forgo some of my routines because I am simply not in the usual place where they occur. This fact is actually a detriment to some of my good habits that also go out the window when I’m traveling, like eating right. Sigh. But being out of routine in the place where you dwell is naturally unsettling and both our bodies and minds immediately experience dissonance when a familiar environment becomes inhospitable to our habits. This is exactly why changing our bad habits is so hard in the first place. We are conditioned to them and our minds and bodies naturally return to them, especially in times of weakness, stress or sadness. According to Duhigg, “Habits, scientists say, emerge because the brain is constantly looking for ways to save effort. Left to its own devices, the brain will try to make almost any routine into a habit, because habits allow our minds to ramp down more often.”

Hebrews 12 is one of my favorite scripture passages about the importance of keeping good habits and working to change the bad ones. In verse 11, we find incredible encouragement: “For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.” Being watchful of our habits and making tough changes to our routines can only be done through continuous training. I placed this verse on my wall above my computer last year following a major career shift in my life. After 25 years of ingrained work patterns, disciplines, and routines, my productivity was virtually paralyzed without familiar surroundings, expectations, people, or schedules. Knowing that Jesus was working to bring about “a peaceful harvest of right living” inside of me, as the New Living Translation phrases it, sustained me through months and months of feeling like a fish out of water even though I was sitting in my own home office.

Paul goes on to say in verse 12: “Therefore lift your drooping hands and strengthen your weak knees, and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be put out of joint but rather be healed.” The Holy Spirit is with us to lift us up, empower us, and give us the endurance to make hard changes and then stick with healthy habits of all kinds, no matter whether they are spiritual, physical, or relational in nature. Paul had firsthand experience with replacing bad habits with new ones. Imagine the changes that he had to make when he abandoned his life as a Jewish persecutor of Christians and became a Christ-follower himself. Every habit, schedule, expectation and routine he possessed needed to change. And when you’re facing a mountain of changes all at once, there’s nothing Satan wants to achieve more than to bring you down and make you feel weak in the knees. That’s when we lift our tired and weary hands regardless of our emotions and sing praises to the One who will always lift our heart and our hands. Psalm 64:10 says to make praise your habit because God is always at work, and Psalm 3:3 says He is the lifter of our heads.

We are promised success when we honor God with our lives as living sacrifices, which is the same thing as turning our daily habits, goals, resources, and time over to Him to direct and manage for His purposes. 1 Timothy 1:7 says, “For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.” As believers, we have the power inside of us to change any habit and cultivate lives that point to Jesus. I am reminded of this everyday before I exercise. I don’t want to exercise. As a matter of fact, I dread it. Daily. But there’s no room for laziness when committing to a good, but a difficult habit to maintain. If I let just one day go, with the exception of simply being unable to exercise due to something like illness, then I suddenly find that it’s even easier to let the second day slide, and the third day after that… and before I know it, I’ve fallen off the fitness wagon and onto my couch… with a bag of chips. And maybe some Ben & Jerry’s. Not good. Mental habits are no exception to laziness either. As a continually recovering worrier, I must exercise the muscles of my mind every day to avoid sliding into anxiety or negative thoughts. Yes, there are days I fail at exercise and at cultivating a peaceful heart, but deep diving into scripture meditation and prayer are good habits that also act as guardrails to keep me from completely sliding off the cliffs of laziness, complacency, and discouragement.

So I bet you’re still wondering how I avoided turning into Oscar the Grouch with my guests. Well, like any would-be novelist with a strong imagination, I simply pretended. For the last few weeks, at least in my mind, we were all on vacation together at a rental house that I picked out with our specific guests in mind. I still felt somewhat responsible to entertain and accommodate, but I suddenly wanted to do all the things I loved on vacation too, like getting lost in a really good summer novel. I ended up being more relaxed and less bothered by my missing routines.

Now I sit here writing this in an empty house, with one of my favorite afternoon habits — a cup of hot green cinnamon tea. The instrumental music is playing to help me write… everything is quiet and everyone is gone. Back to their jobs, schools, homes… and their own habits and routines. And I am back to mine. Only this time, I have determined to set fresh eyes on my habits with renewed inspiration to make some adjustments. One of my favorite quotes is from David Mathis who wrote Habits of Grace, “Your habits are, in fact, one of the most important things about you. Those repeated actions you take over and over, almost mindlessly, reveal your true self over time as much as anything else.” Being reminded of how powerful my habits are and how important God’s calling should be in my life, has made me realize the very things I don’t usually think about are some of the most critical things to actually spend time thinking about. Taming our habits is certainly not easy, but yielding to the Holy Spirit to help us do it gives us a power that’s even greater than the force of the habits themselves.

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