How to Choose joy when You Don't Feel Like It

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If you’ve seen the movie Unbroken or read the book of the same name, you may recall a scene near the beginning where the young main character, Louie Zamperini, is training for his school’s track team to ward off the constant bullying and teasing by his classmates. In the beginning, he is riddled with self-doubt and floundering under the weight of discouragement. Louie didn’t feel like competing. Initially, he wasn’t motivated to take the actions necessary to persevere in extenuating circumstances. Seeing that his mental state of mind was going to kill his physical ability to perform, his older brother Pete gives him a pep talk, which concludes with this encouragement: “If you can take it, you can make it. Louie, a moment of pain is worth a lifetime of glory.”

One of the hardest things to do is feel something that you don’t, or to act a certain way when you have no motivation to do so. When we are depleted of joy and feeling down, stepping out on faith to express joy seems as hard as walking off a cliff and expecting God to supply a footbridge miraculously. Yet, as believers, that’s exactly what we’re called to do. Rejoice in suffering. Delight in God in all circumstances. Worship Him even when we don’t understand. Like Pete’s encouragement to Louie, Scripture essentially tells us to do something even when we don’t feel like it for the hope of victory down the road. But how on earth does God expect us to obey Him and experience joy in these types of situations? Are we supposed to be fake? Is God calling us to pretend? Well, yes and no. Now before you quit reading, I’m not at all saying that you should be inauthentic in your faith or actions or be disingenuous in any way with God. After all, last week I wrote about the topic of authenticity and how important it is for us to be real with ourselves, God, and others. But the old expression, “Fake it until you make it,” has some merit when applied the Biblical way. Unbroken is based on a true story, so kudos to Pete Zamperini for changing just one letter of a phrase that had already been around a long time and turning it into a battle cry that would ring in his little brother’s ears throughout years of his brutal hardship during World War 2.

So then, what is the balance between being phony — like dirty cups as Jesus called the Pharisees in Luke 11:39 — and waiting until you feel an internal desire to obey God? It really comes down to acting on what God asks us to do because we love Him, whether we feel like showing that love or not. In this fascinating Psychology Today article, compelling research proves that our behaviors can dramatically change our emotions. “Many people assume that the link between emotion and behavior is one-way: Emotions shape behavior. You love him, therefore you kiss him. You hate him, therefore you hit him. This view is incorrect. In fact, the relationship is reciprocal. Much of the time, behavior actually shapes emotion,” said the article’s author Noam Shpancer, Ph.D. “Recent research in clinical psychology has shown that the fastest way to change an emotion is to change the behavior attached to it.” And he closes the article with this straightforward advice: “The shortest, most reliable way to change how you're feeling is to change what you're doing.”

As I read the rest of the article, it hit me that my intrinsic ability to feel joy or feel love for God is mainly grounded in biology and not spirit. We are also far more conscious of our human instincts and subsequent reactions, which is why the article points out that we’re all walking through life mostly based on feeling-driven assumptions versus intentional actions. How can we help it? After all, it’s what feels right… instinctual even. But Jesus came to show us how to live above feeling-driven human instincts. In stark contrast, He came to show us how to move beyond mere reactionary existence in this turbulent and challenging journey. He boldly declared that we are to walk in the Spirit, intentionally pursuing and experiencing an abundant life marked by the fruits of our love and trust in God. Scripture outlined a clear path to real and lasting joy long before psychologists had proof that behaviors can produce or change feelings, but it’s so satisfying to see empirical evidence of these invisible truths.

Take, for example, Sara Frankl, who wrote the book Choose Joy: Finding Hope and Purpose When Life Hurts as a response to living with a terminal illness. She said, “He (God) fixes the problem when I ask Him to fix me. I believe He can do anything. I think He can physically heal me, I think He can stop a tornado and halt a flood. But I think what is most powerful is when He lets natural things happen and lets people use their free will, and at the same time fixes my heart and spirit to handle them.” God didn’t heal Sara. But has used Sara’s story to heal countless hurting hearts around the world. I agree with her, what is most potent is the display of God’s power through our tragedies and weaknesses.

As someone struggling to delight in the Lord right now, although I realize things will eventually get better with my current situation, I am learning not to pin my joy to a future hope of feeling better. Clearly, Sara learned that lesson as well. As her health deteriorated, her joy never wavered because it was pinned to something unchanging. Unlike Sara, I am just now realizing how often I have pinned my hopes to that which is likely to change. When times get tough, I have found joy more often than not by visualizing a better future. While there’s nothing wrong with imagining things getting better and drawing encouragement from that, God has been revealing to me how incredibly self-centered it is for me to rely on that kind of hope so heavily. He’s also been changing my perspective to see that I have often depended on my own natural bent toward optimism to get me through the hard times. So here I am learning what it means to be joyful in an entirely new way. And I feel like a kid getting on a bicycle for the first time. It’s a bit exhilarating, but also incredibly scary and awkward. And frankly, I am not any good at it. Just as I’ve never been athletically inclined, so I’m discovering that despite my generally cheery disposition, a day-to-day reliance on Spirit-generated joy is a learned behavior that takes careful nurturing and consistent implementation.

While I believe the time is coming once again when I will actually feel great joy bubbling up and overflowing spontaneously, I am now just starting to understand what it means when Paul says in Romans 15:13 (The Passion Translation), “Now may God, the inspiration and fountain of hope, fill you to overflowing with uncontainable joy and perfect peace as you trust in Him. And may the power of the Holy Spirit continually surround your life with His super-abundance until you radiate with hope!” Yes, it is God’s responsibility to fill us, but notice in that verse that there are actions required on our part. It says, “As you trust in Him.” That’s the first behavior we must exhibit. Then, as the infilling of joy and peace comes, we are responsible to “radiate hope.” God’s actions are in partnership with ours, and that often means we have to get out of His way and let go of our own needs for comfort, agendas, expectations, and even our natural inclinations. All of which feels awkward and uncomfortable. But just like learning to ride a bike, something almost mystical happens when we finally get the hang of it. The untrained awkwardness gradually fades into smooth second nature, so much so we no longer think about balancing. We are no longer fearful of riding fast. We no longer fumble around with the gears. And suddenly, almost before we realize it, we’re simply enjoying the ride.

That’s what I think Jesus had in mind when He said in Matthew 11:28-30 (The Message version), “Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.” There’s no question it takes great effort to obey God when our feelings and flesh are screaming the opposite. But Jesus promises us that when we choose — when we take action despite our desires or inclinations — He will teach us the second nature of living through the power of His Spirit and not by the flesh.

All of this sounds great of course, but if you’re like me, then you’re looking up at heaven in the middle of whatever life has dealt you and asking, “Okay, I believe you, God. But how? How do I actually make myself choose joy when I feel anything but that? I understand that it comes through the power of your Spirit alive in me, but how do I even get on the bicycle when I don’t even feel like riding right now?”
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Well, when the motivation isn’t welling up inside, then I say let’s go get some. Focusing on my current situation, its litany of exhausting details, worries, and unknowns, is certainly not going to spur me to any healthy actions. Indeed, I’d rather wallow in complacency on the couch of idleness with a spoonful of unhealthy comfort. However, I am beginning to discover that although my current feelings don’t motivate me to choose joy, when I focus on the compelling reasons to do so in spite of my emotional state, something remarkable happens. Rather than reacting to the situation with discouragement, I start to feel a spark of determination based on the compelling reasons themselves and not the circumstances. I think the compelling reasons to choose joy will vary wildly from person to person, but in case it helps someone, I thought I’d throw out a few that are stirring up newfound motivation in me. Now, I’m not feeling like Rocky at the top of the steps of City Hall or anything, but these thoughts are helping me take the first action required from Romans 15:13.

Compelling reason number one: do it for the sake of love. I know this sounds like a cop-out. Mushy even. But if you’ve told Jesus that you love Him, then make every endeavor to be the man or woman who keeps her word. Try this. Use your imagination to picture yourself sitting on a park bench somewhere. Now envision yourself staring at people doing something beautiful, like an elderly couple walking hand-in-hand in front of a fiery sunset or a group of little kids giggling as they chase each other around a jungle gym. Whatever whispers to your soul of pure, undefiled beauty. As you’re immersed in the site of something utterly perfect, imagine Jesus walking up and sitting down beside you. Don’t worry about what He looks like or what He’s wearing. Just focus on His presence. Allow yourself to sit there wordlessly with Him and gaze at the sight before you. Feel the unforced rhythms of grace as you effortlessly relax into the moment. You’re now observing the most beautiful display of humanity you can imagine with the most amazing person in the universe. And then He gently and tenderly asks you the same thing He did of Peter in John 21, “Do you love me?” Turn and look at Jesus full in the face and see if you don’t find the motivation to choose joy out of pure love for Him and unconditional love for many hurting people around you who will only see Jesus if you’re willing to let Him shine through you. (To make it easier, listen to the audio version of this message as a podcast instead of reading it.)

Compelling reason number two: don’t let evil win. 1 Peter 5:8 says, “Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.” So I hate to lose. Who doesn’t? But unlike playing cribbage with my father-in-law, I am promised a victory in Christ against an adversary who has made it his life mission to make me miserable. Each time I don’t choose joy, Satan wins a skirmish. I want to be a victor. I want to honor the One who has made me a champion. I will choose joy.

Compelling reason number three: focus on eternal hope rather than temporary relief. If we return to the story of Louie Zamperini once more, we’re reminded that fixing our hope on something unshakable changes our perspective and keeps us motivated. When Louie is stranded at sea with his fellow soldiers, he turns to God instead of dwelling on his circumstances. This helped him view even the smallest things as blessings, versus dwelling on every detail of their life-depleting conditions.  Hope birthed endurance, and endurance helped him survive.
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The reasons that motivate you to choose joy even when you don’t feel like it may be different than mine. I expect mine will vary from time to time, depending on the cause of my struggles, but one thing remains sure for either of us — we are 100% incapable of giving up… throwing in the towel… taking our ball and going home… if we are willing to make ourselves do what the Old Testament prophet Habakkuk did following a series of tragedies in Israel — he rejoiced. I’ll close with his words from Habakkuk 3:17-19. Let them wash over you, soothe your bitterness and pain, and trickle down into the depths of your heart and soul today. As you read them, go back to seeing yourself in the park with Jesus. Say these words to Him and then let Him respond to you. “Though the fig tree should not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines, the produce of the olive fail and the fields yield no food, the flock be cut off from the fold and there be no herd in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord; I will take joy in the God of my salvation. God, the Lord, is my strength; He makes my feet like the deer's; He makes me tread on my high places.” Amen.

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Five-Day Devotional Guide for Further Reflection and Daily Spiritual Journaling
The questions and readings below can be used for a single-day study or your daily quiet time throughout the week. Before you begin reading the passage for each day, spend some time asking God to open your heart to His truth and hearing His voice.
Day 1 - I didn’t want to write about joy this week. I seriously questioned whether or not I could even be authentic with the words if I did. But something within me felt so desperate for it, I had no choice but to ask God to lay words on my heart, even if I didn’t like them or feel them. Have you ever felt that way with God about something you need or feel deprived of? Have you humbled yourself and asked Him to give you what He knows you need instead? Read the words of Matthew 11:28-30 in The Message Version, The Passion Translation, and then in two more literal versions like the English Standard Version and the New American Standard Bible. Write down what you sense God whispering to your heart.
Day 2 - Using your imagination as a part of your daily quiet time with Jesus can be a very effective way to help you focus and listen to His voice. Read Philippians 2:1-18. Pick one verse resonates with you the most and then visualize hearing it from Jesus Himself as you sit together in a peaceful place.
Day 3 - When we pin our hopes to the unshakeable Rock who is God, we are less likely to be swayed or spiritually damaged by our circumstances. In fact, just the opposite happens, we will grow stronger and closer to Jesus every day. Read Matthew 7:24-27 and James 1:6. Ask the Holy Spirit to tell you what to do to get stronger in Christ.
Day 4 - Sometimes we fabricate joy by seeking comfort and happiness in things versus God Himself. Read these two passages — Psalm 42:1-3 and Romans 14:17 — and then pray them back to God. Ask Him to show you anything that is bringing you more comfort and joy than He does.
Day 5 - Jesus said the greatest commandment is to love God and the second is to love others. Read these four Scripture passages and ask the Holy Spirit to help you love with a greater capacity than you ever have before. Spend some time writing down any barriers that might be standing in the way of love right now and then ask Jesus to help you remove them one by one.

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